The Maiden, Mother, and Matriarch: Female Life Stages in the Age of Twitter

Tuesday, August 20, 2024.

Ah, the grand circle of life. Not the one with lions and Elton John soundtracks, but the more human version—the Maiden, Mother, and Matriarch life stages.

These 3 life phases aren't just a pretty notion for a Hallmark card; it's an ancient archetype that's survived the ages, even if it's now being dissected, debated, and, of course, meme-ified by Gen Z.

And who better to weigh in on this than an old white male therapist like myself, nestled near the intellectual cradle of Northampton, Massachusetts, where the feminist winds blow strong and the organic kale is always fresh?

Maiden: The TikTok Era's Ingenue

Let's start with the Maiden Phase, shall we?

Traditionally, this phase represents youth, innocence, and potential. Think of Juliet before Romeo, or any character played by Audrey Hepburn before she met her leading man. But in the modern meme landscape, the maiden has evolved—or devolved, depending on who you ask.

Today's Maiden is more likely to be a TikTok sensation, documenting her journey of self-discovery through dance challenges, skincare routines, and the occasional “soft launch” of a new relationship (because, why be obvious?).

She's a digital native, navigating a world that expects her to be both carefree and career-focused. She’s got the world at her feet, and Instagram at her fingertips.

But don’t be fooled by the avocado toast and yoga poses—beneath that curated exterior lies the ever-present anxiety of maintaining a brand new archetype: the “Hot Girl Summer” persona.

Enter Louise Perry, who might argue that today’s Maiden is caught in the paradox of modern feminism.

On one hand, she's empowered; on the other, she's still grappling with the societal expectations of what it means to be a woman. Perry’s writing often critiques this very tension, warning that the Maiden Phase can become a trap if it turns into a never-ending quest for validation in the digital age.

And let’s not forget Amy Wax—another voice in the cultural conversation. Wax might take it a step further, arguing that the pressures on young women today have been exacerbated by shifting cultural norms, leaving the maiden more confused than ever about her place in society.

She might even suggest that the Maiden is too often encouraged to delay the mother phase for the sake of career or independence, a critique that doesn’t sit well with the TikTok generation but certainly stirs the pot.

Mother: The Fertility App-Tracking Mompreneur

Next up, the Mother.

This phase is all about nurturing, creation, and—let's be honest—a fair amount of sleepless nights. In archetypal terms, the mother represents maturity, responsibility, and self-sacrifice. She’s the one keeping the family unit together, often at the expense of her own sanity.

But today’s Mothers are not just homemakers; they’re also home-bakers, yoga instructors, and Etsy shop owners. They’ve got fertility apps on their phones and side hustles on the back burner. And if they think about it, they might be questioning how much of this multitasking is truly liberating versus how much it’s just a modern form of domestic slavery, repackaged with a Pinterest-friendly aesthetic.

Intellectual bomb-thrower and academic gadfly Amy Wax might argue that the modern mother is juggling too much, trying to balance a career and family in a society that doesn’t fully support either role.

Her critique of modern social structures often highlights the impossible standards set for women, particularly those in the Mother Phase, who are expected to be everything to everyone—a supermom with a side of self-care.

As a therapist in Northampton, I’ve seen a few of these Mothers who are trying to “have it all.”

They’re balancing work, life, and the occasional existential crisis. And while the Instagram posts may be perfect, the reality is often a bit messier—think spit-up on a designer blouse, or a conference call interrupted by a toddler with an urgent need for apple slices.

But hey, that’s the magic of the Mother Phase, right? It’s about creating life, managing chaos, and doing it all with a smile—or at least a well-filtered selfie.

Matriarch: The Queen Bee of Northampton

And then we come to the Matriarch, the final phase of the trifecta.

Traditionally, the Matriarch is the wise, experienced woman who has seen it all, done it all, and is now dishing out advice like it’s going out of style. She’s the one who’s earned her wrinkles and her wisdom, and she’s not afraid to use either.

In Northampton, the Matriarch might be the head of the PTA, the organizer of the local book club, the woman running for city council, or the mayor. She’s not just a mother; she’s a leader, a force to be reckoned with. She’s a woman who’s been through the wars and come out stronger, ready to lead the next generation of women through the minefields of modern life.

But let’s be honest: Being a matriarch in today’s world isn’t all tea and sympathy.

It’s also about navigating the complexities of modern feminism, which can sometimes feel like a full-contact sport. Whether she’s advising her daughter on how to deal with a bad boss or figuring out how to get her son to call more often, the matriarch’s wisdom is always in demand. But that doesn’t mean it’s always appreciated—especially when it comes with a side of “when I was your age” stories.

Amy Wax is an American legal scholar and neurologist. Amy might point out that the matriarch phase is often where women finally feel free to speak their minds—sometimes to the discomfort of those around them. She certainly has made a career of afflicting the comfortable sufficiently that her Wiki profile seems to cancel her right out of the gate.

Her critiques of modern feminism resonate strongly with some women in the Matriarch Stage, who have seen the pendulum swing in various directions and are ready to weigh in with their own hard-earned perspectives.

Final thoughts

So there you have it: the Maiden, Mother, Matriarch in all their meme-worthy glory.

Whether you're scrolling through Instagram, or just trying to make it through another day in the life of a modern woman, these archetypes are alive and well—even if they’re now accompanied by hashtags and emojis.

As an old white male therapist living near Northampton, I can’t help but chuckle at how these timeless roles have been reimagined for our now digital age.

But beneath the humor, there’s a real truth: these phases of life, though often romanticized, are as challenging as they are rewarding.

And whether you're in the Maiden, Mother, or Matriarch Phase, there’s one thing you can count on: you’ll need a good therapist (or at least a strong Wi-Fi connection) to make it through.

And maybe a glass of wine. Or three.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.