The Afterglow Effect: A Deeper Dive Into Intimacy, Art, and Awe

Monday, September 16, 2024.

The “afterglow effect” is more than just a fleeting emotional high following intimacy.

It's a powerful experience that has captivated poets, artists, and psychologists alike, pulling together threads from art, science, and even spirituality.

The glow lingers, not just in our bodies, but in our hearts and minds, offering a unique window into the human need for connection.

But is there more to this phenomenon than the momentary warmth we feel? How does it interact with deeper emotions like awe? And what does modern science say about it? Let’s explore further.

Art, Poetry, and the Glow of Intimacy

Before diving into the science, let’s take a closer look at how the afterglow effect has been woven into art and poetry. Artists have long expressed the profound emotions that follow moments of closeness.

Pablo Neruda, in his Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair, writes, “I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees.”

This line evokes the sensual blooming and transformation that intimate moments can bring, suggesting a lingering vitality, much like the afterglow that colors both lovers and nature.

Similarly, in music, we see the afterglow effect romanticized and cherished.

Marvin Gaye’s Let’s Get It On speaks not just to desire, but to the emotional satisfaction that comes afterward. Even in pop culture, the idea of intimacy leaving a warm residue of connection is central to countless love songs and movies, reinforcing the importance of that lingering glow in our collective imagination.

The Science of Afterglow: Building Bonds and Resilience

Moving beyond poetry and art, psychology has taken great interest in the afterglow effect, particularly its role in strengthening romantic relationships.

The idea that afterglow extends for up to 48 hours was further corroborated in a study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science.

The researchers, led by Andrea Meltzer, found that couples who reported a more intense afterglow after sex also reported greater satisfaction in their relationship overall.

This suggests that the emotional residue of intimacy helps maintain emotional closeness even when daily stressors pull couples in different directions (Meltzer et al., 2017).

But it’s not just about sexual satisfaction. Afterglow, as it turns out, is closely tied to emotional satisfaction. The longer couples bask in the afterglow, the more likely they are to feel emotionally connected, less anxious, and more secure in their relationship.

This residual warmth acts as a buffer against external stressors, making the relationship more resilient. It’s like an emotional safety net that lingers after physical connection, sustaining the bond and helping partners feel secure in their connection.

Is Afterglow a Form of Awe?

Now, here’s where the conversation gets truly interesting.

The afterglow effect and awe—could they be linked? At first glance, they might seem worlds apart: awe is typically reserved for grand encounters like witnessing a stunning natural landscape or hearing a piece of music that transcends ordinary experience. Afterglow, on the other hand, is intimate, personal, and often quiet.

Yet, both awe and afterglow share key characteristics.

Awe, according to Keltner and Haidt (2003), is triggered by an experience that is vast and that transcends our usual frame of reference, often leaving us feeling connected to something larger than ourselves.

In the case of afterglow, the transcendence may not be with the cosmos, but with another person.

After an intimate moment, boundaries between self and other seem to blur, and the feeling of connectedness stretches beyond the physical, into the emotional and even spiritual.

A 2015 study by Bai et al., published in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, explored the role of awe in fostering a sense of connection. The researchers found that awe shifts our focus away from individual concerns and makes us feel more integrated into the larger whole of creation.

This sense of connectedness mirrors the emotional intimacy experienced in the afterglow, suggesting that these two states may be emotionally and neurologically linked.

The Neurobiology of Afterglow: The Role of Oxytocin

At the neurobiological level, the afterglow effect is underpinned by the release of oxytocin, often referred to as the “love hormone” or “cuddle chemical.” Oxytocin is released during physical intimacy, helping to reinforce feelings of attachment and trust. But oxytocin does more than just make us feel good—it actively rewires the brain to promote bonding and reduce stress.

A study in Frontiers in Psychology found that oxytocin doesn’t just affect our emotional state immediately; it helps sustain feelings of connectedness long after the physical encounter is over (Young & Gobrogge, 2016). This aligns with the afterglow effect, which can last for days, subtly reshaping how we view our partner and deepening our emotional bond.

Here’s an even more intriguing question: Does the afterglow effect extend beyond romantic relationships?

Oxytocin is also released during platonic physical touch and even during moments of profound emotional connection, like a heartfelt conversation.

Could the afterglow, then, apply to moments of non-romantic intimacy? The answer seems to be yes—research suggests that oxytocin release can help create afterglow-like effects in friendships and familial relationships, strengthening emotional ties across the board.

Afterglow as a Spiritual Experience?

Let’s not forget the spiritual implications of afterglow.

Intimacy, especially when combined with emotional vulnerability, can become a spiritual experience.

As Dr. Helen Fisher points out in her research on love and the brain, intimate moments have the potential to elicit feelings of unity, transcendence, and even existential meaning.

Fisher (2016) describes this as "a powerful cocktail of brain chemicals that bind people together," suggesting that afterglow, like awe, may transport us into a realm where the personal becomes universal.

This brings us to the heart of an intriguing question: Could afterglow be a gateway to awe? In moments of deep intimacy, we are reminded of our inherent connectedness to another being.

Just as awe leaves us feeling small yet part of something greater, afterglow binds us emotionally to another in a way that transcends the individual. If awe is the feeling of standing before the grandeur of the universe, then afterglow might be the emotional reverberation of standing before the grandeur of another person’s soul.

Asking Bigger Questions

So, where does this leave us? Can the afterglow effect extend beyond romantic relationships?

Can we cultivate a sense of afterglow through non-physical forms of intimacy, such as deep conversations or shared emotional experiences?

And most fascinating of all, is afterglow a form of awe—one that connects us to something greater, not through the vastness of nature but through the depth of human connection?

These are not just academic questions; they point to a deeper understanding of how intimacy shapes our emotional lives.

In a world increasingly defined by disconnection, could cultivating afterglow help us reclaim a sense of closeness—not just with our partners but with everyone we share meaningful moments with?

The afterglow effect, at its core, is about more than just feeling good after intimacy.

It’s about fostering emotional bonds, creating relational resilience, and, just maybe, experiencing awe through human connection. And that, perhaps, is what makes the afterglow effect one of the most powerful—and sexy—phenomena in human relationships.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Bai, Y., Maruskin, L. A., Chen, S., Gordon, A. M., Stellar, J. E., McNeil, G. D., & Keltner, D. (2015). Awe, the diminished self, and collective engagement: Universals and cultural variations in the small self. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 108(6), 883–899.

Fisher, H. (2016). Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray. W.W. Norton & Company.

Keltner, D., & Haidt, J. (2003). Approaching awe, a moral, spiritual, and aesthetic emotion. Cognition and Emotion, 17(2), 297-314.

Meltzer, A. L., McNulty, J. K., Jackson, G., & Karney, B. R. (2017). Sex satisfaction stabilizes relationship satisfaction via the afterglow. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 8(1), 77–85.

Young, L. J., & Gobrogge, K. L. (2016). Oxytocin, vasopressin and social behavior. Frontiers in Neuroendocrinology, 40, 91-105.