The 2 types of people narcissists tend to avoid

Saturday, August 3, 2024.

Narcissists are known for their cunning ability to charm, manipulate, and influence those around them. Their survival strategy revolves around acquiring narcissistic supply, which comes from the admiration, attention, and validation they receive from others.

However, not everyone is susceptible to their tactics.

In fact, there are two distinct types of individuals that narcissists tend to avoid like the plague: those with strong discernment, and those who are self-sustaining.

Let’s explore why these two groups are the kryptonite to a narcissist’s manipulative superpowers, with insights from thought leaders in psychology and relationships.

1. Strongly discerning truth-speaking folks

People with strong discernment possess an uncanny ability to see through façades and identify ulterior motives. These people are not easily charmed or swayed by superficial appearances and empty flattery. Their acute perception acts as a natural defense mechanism against narcissistic manipulation. Here’s why narcissists steer clear of them:

a. Immunity to Charms: Discerning folks are immune to the narcissist’s charm offensive.

They don’t fall for the grandiose stories or the exaggerated self-praise that narcissists often use to lure in their victims. Instead, they critically analyze the information presented to them, looking for inconsistencies and signs of deceit.

Dr. Craig Malkin, a clinical psychologist and author of Rethinking Narcissism, states, “People with high levels of discernment are like emotional detectives. They can sense when something is off and refuse to be dazzled by the narcissist's charm.”

b. Inability to Control: Narcissists thrive on control and dominance. However, a discerning person is not easily controlled.

Their strong sense of self and clear boundaries make it difficult for a narcissist to exert their influence. This lack of control is frustrating and unattractive to the narcissist.

According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist and author of Should I Stay or Should I Go? Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist, “Discerning individuals present a challenge to narcissists because they cannot be easily manipulated or swayed, thereby limiting the narcissist’s ability to dominate.”

c. Quick to Spot Red Flags: Discerning folks are adept at spotting red flags early on in a relationship. They notice the subtle signs of narcissistic behavior, such as an excessive need for admiration, lack of empathy, and a sense of entitlement.

Recognizing these traits early prevents them from becoming entangled in the narcissist’s web.

Dr. Karyl McBride, a psychotherapist and author of Will I Ever Be Good Enough?, notes, “Discerning people are equipped with a radar for unhealthy behavior, making them less likely to be ensnared by a narcissist’s manipulative tactics.”

2. Self-sustaining, well-differentiated folks

The second type of person that narcissists avoid is the self-sustaining individual. These people are independent, self-reliant, and do not have significant unmet needs that a narcissist can exploit. Here’s why they are unappealing to narcissists:

a. Utter Lack of Dependency: Self-sustaining folks do not depend on others for validation, support, or fulfillment. They are emotionally and mentally stable, making it difficult for narcissists to find an entry point to offer their “help.”

Narcissists often prey on those with unmet needs, offering a facade of support and care to gain control. Without a need to fulfill, the narcissist has nothing to offer.

As Dr. Judith Orloff, a psychiatrist and author of The Empath’s Survival Guide, explains, “Self-sustaining individuals are less vulnerable to narcissists because they don’t seek external validation, which is a primary tool for narcissistic manipulation.”

b. Uninterested in False Promises: Narcissists are experts at making grand promises they have no intention of keeping. Self-sustaining folks, however, do not fall for these empty promises. Their self-reliance and confidence mean they are less likely to be swayed by the narcissist’s grandiosity and false assurances.

Clinical psychologist Dr. Les Carter, author of The Anger Trap, emphasizes, “Self-sustaining individuals are naturally skeptical of too-good-to-be-true promises, reducing the narcissist’s ability to ensnare them with false hope.”

c. Strong Boundaries: Self-sustaining people have strong personal boundaries. They do not allow others to infringe on their space, time, or emotional well-being. Narcissists, who often push boundaries to test their control over others, find it nearly impossible to manipulate someone who steadfastly maintains their own limits.

Dr. Henry Cloud, a clinical psychologist and author of Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life, points out, “Strong boundaries are a deterrent to narcissists, as these limits prevent them from gaining the upper hand and exploiting the individual.”

The Nemesis of Narcissists: folks with tolererant, curiosity transcending correctness

Narcissists are adept at identifying and exploiting vulnerabilities, but they are rendered powerless against those who are discerning and self-sustaining.

These two types of folks possess the qualities that narcissists find most challenging to manipulate: critical thinking, strong boundaries, and a lack of dependency.

Dr. George Simon, a psychologist and author of In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People, sums it up well: “Discerning and self-sustaining individuals create an environment where narcissists find it impossible to thrive. Their clear-sightedness and independence act as a shield, protecting them from exploitation.”

When we embrace discernment, self-sustainability, diversity, and transcendent curiosity, folks can create a personal fortress against narcissistic influence, whether interpersonal or cultural. Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Carter, L. (2003). The Anger Trap: Free Yourself from the Frustrations that Sabotage Your Life. Jossey-Bass.

Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1992). Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life. Zondervan.

Durvasula, R. (2015). Should I Stay or Should I Go? Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist. Post Hill Press.

Malkin, C. (2015). Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret to Recognizing and Coping with Narcissists. HarperCollins.

McBride, K. (2008). Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. Atria Books.

Orloff, J. (2017). The Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People. Sounds True.

Simon, G. (1996). In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People. A. J. Christopher.