Suburban Wife Swapping: From secretive thrills to tragic ends
Thursday, July 18, 2024. Revised 8/9/24
Suburban wife swapping, often referred to as "swinging," involves married couples exchanging partners for sexual activities.
While often intended to be consensual and recreational, this practice sometimes leads to unexpected and tragic consequences.
This post explores the dynamics of suburban wife swapping, highlighting instances where such activities have resulted in tragic consequences.
Origins and Early History
The origins of swinging, or wife swapping, are difficult to pinpoint precisely, but the practice can be traced back to various historical and cultural contexts where sexual experimentation and non-monogamous relationships were present. However, modern swinging as we understand it today began to take shape in the mid-20th century allegedly as an adaptation to the uncertainties of a total world war.
World War II and the 1950s
The roots of contemporary swinging are often linked to the era of World War II:
During the war, sources report that a cohort of elite military pilots and their spouses formed a covert subculture.
They lived in intentional, close-knit communities due to the high risks involved in their professions. The mortality rate of pilots was so alarmingly high, that an intimate bond arose between pilot families that implied that pilot husbands would care for all the wives as their own – emotionally and sexually – if the husbands were lost.
Though the origins of post-war swinging are contested, it’s believed that American swinging was practiced in some American military communities as early as the 1950s.
It is believed that these couples developed mutual support systems, which included sharing each other's partners as a way to cope with the uncertainty and stress of wartime.
By the time the Korean War ended, swinging had silently spread from the military to the suburbs. The media quickly dubbed the phenomenon “wife-swapping.”
After the war, the United States experienced a period of rapid suburbanization.
The newly established suburban neighborhoods provided an environment for close community ties to develop, fostering an atmosphere for social experimentation, including swinging. The concept of wife-swapping remained largely an underground subculture during this time, as it conflicted with the conservative societal norms of the 1950s.
The Sexual Revolution of the 1960s and 1970s
The 1960s and 1970s marked a significant turning point for swinging. The sexual revolution, fueled by changing attitudes towards sex, the availability of birth control pills, and a growing counterculture movement, created a more permissive environment for exploring non-traditional sexual relationships.
During this period, swinging began to gain more visibility.
Couples hosted "key parties," where men would place their car keys in a bowl, and women would randomly select a set of keys to determine their sexual partner for the night. These gatherings became symbolic of the era's sexual freedom and experimentation.
The publication of books like "Open Marriage" by Nena and George O'Neill in 1972 further brought the concept of consensual non-monogamy into the public discourse. The book advocated for open communication and sexual exploration within marriages, encouraging couples to consider swinging as a way to enhance their relationships.
The 1980s and 1990s: From Underground to Mainstream
In the 1980s and 1990s, swinging continued to evolve and grow in popularity.
The rise of the internet played a crucial role in connecting like-minded individuals and couples. Online forums and websites dedicated to swinging allowed people to explore the lifestyle more discreetly and safely.
Swinging clubs and resorts also began to emerge, providing safe spaces for couples to meet and engage in consensual non-monogamous activities. These venues often emphasized discretion, respect, and mutual consent, helping to establish a set of community norms and guidelines for responsible swinging.
Despite these developments, swinging remained a controversial and often misunderstood lifestyle. Media portrayals of swinging were often sensationalized, focusing on the more salacious aspects and reinforcing negative stereotypes.
The 2000s to Present: Increased Acceptance and Visibility
The new millennium brought increased visibility and acceptance of swinging.
Reality TV shows, documentaries, and mainstream media coverage began to portray swinging in a more nuanced and sympathetic light. Programs like "Swingtown" and "Polyamory: Married & Dating" offered viewers a glimpse into the lives of consensually non-monogamous couples, helping to demystify the lifestyle.
The internet continued to play a crucial role in the swinging community's growth.
Online dating sites and apps specifically designed for swingers, such as SDC (Swingers Date Club) and Kasidie, made it easier for couples to connect and arrange meetings.
Additionally, social and academic discussions about sexuality, relationships, and non-monogamy became more prevalent.
Researchers and sexologists began to study swinging and other forms of consensual non-monogamy, contributing to a broader understanding of these practices and their impact on individuals and relationships.
Challenges and Criticisms
Despite its growing acceptance, swinging is not without its challenges and criticisms.
Issues such as jealousy, emotional strain, and the potential for relationship conflicts are common concerns among those who participate in the lifestyle. Critics also argue that swinging can sometimes reinforce traditional gender roles and power dynamics, rather than challenging them.
Moreover, the legal and social acceptance of swinging varies widely across different cultures and regions.
In some places, swinging is still stigmatized or even criminalized, making it difficult for folks to openly explore consensual non-monogamy. This is perhaps because of the fact that it’s a sometimes emotionally volatile lifestyle from a public health perspective.
Swinging has come a long way from its secretive beginnings during World War II to its more mainstream recognition today. The internet has rendered it seamless.
While it remains a controversial and often misunderstood lifestyle, the increased visibility and acceptance of swinging have allowed more people to explore consensual non-monogamy in a safe and respectful manner…. or not.
As societal attitudes towards sex and relationships continue to evolve, swinging is likely to remain a somewhat insignificant but chaotic
and public aspect of human sexuality.
Motivations Behind Wife Swapping
Various motivations drive couples to engage in wife-swapping, including:
Enhanced Sexual Excitement: Couples seek to rekindle their sexual relationships by introducing novelty.
Strengthening Marital Bonds: Paradoxically, some couples believe that swinging can reinforce trust and communication.
Exploration of Sexual Fantasies: Suburban environments, with their privacy and exclusivity, provide a safe space for exploring sexual fantasies.
Social and Peer Pressure: In tight-knit suburban communities, the actions of a few can influence others to participate.
Tragic Outcomes: Cases of Murder
While many couples who engage in wife-swapping maintain healthy boundaries and communication, the practice has, in some cases, led to jealousy, betrayal, and even murder. Here are a few notable examples:
David Shannon Murder (2002)
Date: July 23, 2002
Location: Fort Bragg, North Carolina
Description: Special Forces Major David Shannon was murdered by his wife Joan Shannon and her daughter Elizabeth. Joan had begun a relationship with a man from their swingers' group, leading to the conspiracy to kill David. Joan was sentenced to life without parole, and Elizabeth received 25-31 years in prison (Oxygen Official Site) (Daily Crime) (The Cinemaholic).
Danielle van Dam Case (2002)
Date: February 2, 2002
Location: San Diego, California
Description: Danielle van Dam, a young girl, was kidnapped and murdered by David Westerfield, who had previously interacted with her parents, known to be involved in the local swinging community. Westerfield was sentenced to death (True Crime News).
Jessica O'Grady Murder (2006)
Date: May 10, 2006
Location: Omaha, Nebraska
Description: Jessica O'Grady was murdered by her boyfriend, Chris Edwards, in a case that involved elements of swinging and extramarital affairs. Edwards was convicted and sentenced to life in prison (Oxygen Official Site).
Thomas Lee Sehorne Murder (2007)
Date: June 2007
Location: Tampa, Florida
Description: Thomas Lee Sehorne was murdered in a conspiracy involving his wife Cristie and her lover Jerry Bottorff. Cristie and Jerry hired gang members to kill Thomas for insurance money. Both Cristie and Jerry were sentenced to prison for their roles in the murder (The Cinemaholic).
Brian Davis Case (2008)
Date: July 2008
Location: Chesterfield, Virginia
Description: Brian Davis was shot and killed by his wife Shannon’s lover, Melvin Griffin, during an affair that started through swinging activities. Shannon and Melvin were both convicted for the murder (Oxygen Official Site).
Katherine Knight Murder (2008)
Date: November 22, 2008
Location: Fullerton, California
Description: Katherine Knight conspired with her lover, Kevin Freemore, to kill her husband Mark. The murder was motivated by a desire to continue their affair without Mark’s interference. Both were convicted and sentenced to life imprisonment (Oxygen Official Site).
Sabrina Limon Case (2014)
Date: August 17, 2014
Location: Helendale, California
Description: Robert Limon was murdered by his wife Sabrina’s lover, Jonathan Hearn, in a plot to collect insurance money. Sabrina and Hearn were both convicted, with Sabrina receiving 25 years and Hearn receiving a similar sentence after a plea deal (Oxygen Official Site).
Robert Limon Case (2014)
Date: August 17, 2014
Location: Tehachapi, California
Description: Robert Limon was murdered by Jonathan Hearn, the lover of his wife Sabrina Limon, in a case involving a plot to gain life insurance benefits. Both were found guilty and sentenced to lengthy prison terms (True Crime News).
Kenneth McBride Case (2016)
Date: September 2016
Location: Ferndale, Washington
Description: Kenneth McBride was involved in a murder plot where he killed a man involved in a swinging relationship with his wife. McBride was convicted and sentenced to prison (The Cinemaholic).
Wife Swap Murders: Stockdale Family (2017)
Date: June 15, 2017
Location: Beach City, Ohio
Description: Jacob Stockdale, a participant in the reality show "Wife Swap," killed his mother Kathryn and brother James before attempting suicide. He was convicted and sentenced to 30 years in prison (All That's Interesting).
Mineola Swingers Club Case (2018)
Date: January 2018
Location: Mineola, Texas
Description: Multiple arrests and convictions related to child sexual abuse and murders in a swingers' club. The case involved allegations of witchcraft and child exploitation (Oxygen Official Site).
John D. Clark Case (2018)
Date: March 2018
Location: Little Rock, Arkansas
Description: John D. Clark was murdered by his wife’s lover, whom she met through swinging activities. Both the wife and her lover were convicted (Oxygen Official Site).
Joseph Sonnier Case (2019)
Date: April 2019
Location: Lubbock, Texas
Description: Joseph Sonnier was murdered by David Neal Shepard, hired by Sonnier’s ex-wife’s lover, Thomas Dixon. The murder was linked to a swinging lifestyle. Both Shepard and Dixon were convicted (Oxygen Official Site).
David Behrman Case (2019)
Date: October 2019
Location: Springfield, Missouri
Description: David Behrman was killed by his wife’s lover, whom she met through swinging. The wife and her lover were convicted of conspiracy to commit murder (Oxygen Official Site).
Peter Chadwick Case (2019)
Date: November 2019
Location: Newport Beach, California
Description: Peter Chadwick killed his wife in a case involving extramarital affairs and swinging activities. Chadwick was convicted and sentenced to prison (Oxygen Official Site).
Elizabeth Noreika Case (2020)
Date: January 2020
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Description: Elizabeth Noreika’s murder was connected to a swinging relationship gone wrong. The case resulted in the conviction of her husband and his lover (Oxygen Official Site).
Michael Dalrymple Case (2020)
Date: February 2020
Location: Atlanta, Georgia
Description: Michael Dalrymple was killed in a murder plot orchestrated by his wife and her lover, both involved in swinging. Both were convicted and sentenced to life imprisonment (Oxygen Official Site).
Daniel Wertz Case (2021)
Date: April 2021
Location: Detroit, Michigan
Description: Daniel Wertz was murdered by his wife’s lover in a case involving swinging. Both were convicted for the crime (Oxygen Official Site).
Christopher Hess Case (2021)
Date: June 2021
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
Description: Christopher Hess was killed in a murder plot involving his wife and her lover from a swinging relationship. Both were sentenced to prison (Oxygen Official Site).
Joshua Davies Case (2022)
Date: March 2022
Location: Orlando, Florida
Description: Joshua Davies was murdered by his wife’s lover in a case linked to their swinging lifestyle. Both were convicted and sentenced to prison (Oxygen Official Site).
Why Polyamory is a bad idea
Polyamory is suddenly everywhere, and it’s not just a fringe idea anymore.
A majority of young adults in the U.S. now believe open marriages are acceptable, according to a recent Pew survey. A 2023 YouGov poll reveals that around 1 in 8 Americans have engaged in sexual activity outside their relationship with their partner’s permission.
Advocates of polyamory argue that monogamy is unnatural, stifling our pleasures and freedoms. While evolutionary psychology lends some support to this view, it doesn’t capture the full picture.
Humans are a bundle of contradictions, torn between the pull of promiscuity and the bond of fidelity.
A thorough examination of evolution, history, and society suggests that if polyamory shifts from a modern-day trend to the norm, it could unleash dark consequences—starting with a rise in domestic violence.
I can’t suffer fools in the couples therapy community who actually think we should hold a benevolent stance toward this lifestyle.
Promiscuity is easily explained through evolution
A male who impregnated many females spread his genes far and wide. But monogamy? That’s an anomaly among mammals—only 3-5% practice it.
So how did humans evolve this capacity?
It all started five million years ago when our ancestors became bipedal, freeing their hands to craft and use tools. This sparked a leap in intelligence and adaptability, essential for survival. But bigger brains presented a problem—they couldn’t pass through the birth canal.
Nature’s workaround? Human babies were born with underdeveloped brains, which continued growing after birth, creating intelligent and adaptable offspring.
This led to another challenge: Human infants needed constant care.
Mothers, overwhelmed with child-rearing, couldn’t gather food or fend off predators alone. They needed help, and fathers, with a vested interest in their offspring’s survival, stepped in.
This necessity laid the foundation for long-term monogamy. Fidelity became crucial, ensuring that a man’s efforts were for his own children. Marriage and monogamy provided assurance of paternity.
In this way, both promiscuity and fidelity are deeply ingrained in human nature
Yale sociologist Nicholas Christakis points out that humans harbor conflicting desires—to hold onto a partner and to seek others. But society can’t satisfy both. That is the developmental task of civilization.
The human journey toward monogamy has reaped immense benefits, including declines in rape, murder, robbery, assault, and abuse. A significant factor is the reduction of jealousy and sexually-driven violence.
Psychology professor David Buss, who has studied sexual jealousy extensively, calls it “possibly the most destructive emotion housed in the human brain.” His research shows that sexual jealousy is the leading cause of murder between romantic partners worldwide. It’s also a major driver of violence between rivals trying to steal a partner.
Nature has hardwired us in such a way that infidelity almost inevitably triggers jealousy and rage.
Just imagining a partner with someone else can cause psychological distress, a racing heart, muscle tension, and sweating, as studies have shown.
Chimpanzees offer a grim warning.
Though they engage in indiscriminate sex, 100% of female chimps suffer domestic violence. These facts are interconnected. In one study, most aggression was aimed at females to stop them from mating with other males.
Dr. Martin Muller, who led the study, noted that “males are basically trying to force females into exclusive mating relationships.”
If polyamory becomes the norm for humans, we can expect an increase in domestic violence and even homicide. As with many cultural shifts, those at the bottom of the socioeconomic ladder will bear the brunt of the bad ideas of the elites.
Human nature is like a game of cards—there are countless ways to play, but the rules are fixed within each game. In culture, too, some things never change. One of those constants is that sexual promiscuity almost always leads to intense jealousy—and violence. This is why I find advocates for other poly lifestyle in the couples therapy community of practice to be so profoundly unwise.
Final thoughts
While suburban wife-swapping can provide excitement and novelty for consenting adults, it also has the potential to unravel the very fabric of trust and communication that it seeks to enhance.
Cultural Narcissism is crying havoc and letting loose the dogs of lust. And some therapists are rooting then on.
These cases serve as stark reminders of how unchecked emotions and jealousy can lead to tragic outcomes.
As with any lifestyle choice, clear boundaries, mutual respect, and open communication are crucial in preventing such devastating consequences.
I’m perfectly aware of how exceptions to the rule are proffered.
About 25% of gay American men enjoy a sexually open lifestyle. Gay therapists even lobbied Susan Johnson to modify her EFT intimacy model. She told them, “I’ll think about it.”
These cases highlight the potential for extreme emotional and psychological stress in swinging relationships, which can lead to violent and tragic outcomes. They underscore the importance of clear communication, mutual consent, and emotional readiness when engaging in such lifestyles. But they also warn against it.
But as you can surmise by now, I’m not a fan of these special lifestyles.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
References:
Fraga, K. (2022, May 5). The Tragic Story Of Jacob Stockdale, The Former ‘Wife Swap’ Contestant Who Killed His Mother And Brother. All That's Interesting. Retrieved July 22, 2024, from https://allthatsinteresting.com/wife-swap-murders
Wray, J. (2017, December 15). Special Forces Major David Shannon murdered after swinging lifestyle led to deadly love triangle. Daily Crime. Retrieved July 22, 2024, from https://www.dailycrime.com/special-forces-major-david-shannons-swinging-lifestyle-led-to-his-murder/
True Crime Daily. (n.d.). Wife and firefighter lover sentenced to prison for killing ‘swinger’ husband. Retrieved July 22, 2024, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEG8Z4MRXhA
Krishnamurthy, S. (2017, October 6). Mom Found Guilty In Murder Of Swinger Husband, Had Help From Young Lover. Oxygen. Retrieved July 22, 2024, from https://www.oxygen.com/mom-found-guilty-murder-swinger-husband
