Comparing "Parenting with Presence" and "The Spiritual Child": A Cultural Shift in American Spirituality?

Monday, September 2, 2024.

Nearly a decade ago, two books made waves in the parenting world: "Parenting with Presence" by Susan Stiffelman and "The Spiritual Child" by Lisa Miller.

Both books focus on the spiritual aspect of parenting, but they do so in uniquely different ways.

As a family therapist mindful of the power of spirituality, I often find myself recommending both to parents who are exploring how spirituality can play a role in raising their children.

Let’s dive into what makes these books similar, what sets them apart, and why they might just be signaling a cultural shift in American spirituality.

What’s the Buzz About Spiritual Parenting?

Spirituality has become a buzzword in parenting, but what does it really mean?

Is it about religious practices, or is it something broader, like mindfulness and being present? "Parenting with Presence" and "The Spiritual Child" both agree that spirituality is a crucial part of a child’s development, but they take different paths to get there.

Similarities Between the Books: Nurturing the Spirit

At their core, both books share a common belief: spirituality is essential for holistic child development.

They encourage parents to foster not just their children’s intellectual and emotional growth, but also their spiritual well-being. This might involve mindfulness practices, fostering a connection to nature, or simply being fully present during everyday interactions.

Both Stiffelman and Miller also empower parents to embark on their own spiritual journeys. They suggest that the more aware and mindful parents are of their spiritual path, the better equipped they will be to guide their children. In this way, parenting becomes a shared journey of growth and discovery.

Differences: Science vs. Practice

While the goals of the two books are similar, their approaches differ:

• "Parenting with Presence": Susan Stiffelman’s book leans heavily on mindfulness and being fully engaged in the parenting process. It’s less about scientific evidence and more about the practical application of presence in daily life. Stiffelman draws from a variety of spiritual traditions, making her approach eclectic and adaptable to different beliefs.

• "The Spiritual Child": Lisa Miller’s book, on the other hand, is deeply rooted in scientific research. Miller argues that children are naturally spiritual beings and that nurturing this spirituality is key to their resilience and mental health. Her approach is grounded in psychology and neuroscience, making a strong case for the developmental benefits of spirituality.

Miller’s research draws on a wide range of studies, including her own work at Columbia University, where she has demonstrated the positive effects of spirituality on adolescent mental health.

She cites studies showing that children who are raised with a strong sense of spirituality are 40% less likely to use and abuse substances, are 60% less likely to be depressed as teenagers, and have more positive markers for thriving and success in adulthood (Miller, 2015).

Stiffelman, while less focused on empirical research, also references major works that support her emphasis on mindfulness and presence in parenting.

She frequently cites the work of Jon Kabat-Zinn, a pioneer in mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR), and Daniel Siegel’s research on the neurobiology of mindfulness, which highlights the importance of parental presence in a child’s emotional and neurological development.

Why Are These Books Important? Do They Suggest A Cultural Shift in American Spirituality?

So, why are these books resonating with so many parents today? Could it be that they’re tapping into a larger cultural shift in how we view spirituality in America?

In the past, spirituality might have been confined to religious practices, but today, it’s taking on a broader meaning.

Folks are increasingly recognizing the importance of mindfulness, emotional intelligence, inner growth, and the power of awe—not just for themselves, but for their children as well.

These books might be harbingers of a growing trend: American parents are seeking ways to raise children who are not only smart and successful but also spiritually fulfilled and emotionally resilient.

This shift might suggest that a spiritual impulse is slowly emerging to challenge Cultural Narcissism in the USA and nudge us toward a more balanced, holistic approach to life.

What Does This Mean for You?

As you think about your own parenting journey, consider these questions:

• How does spirituality fit into your life and your parenting?

• Are you more drawn to the practical, mindfulness-based approach of "Parenting with Presence", or does the science-backed perspective of "The Spiritual Child" resonate more with you?

• Do you see this shift towards spirituality and mindfulness as a positive change in American culture?

Final thoughts

Whether you’re a parent, a grandparent, or just someone interested in the changing tides of American spirituality, these questions can open up a rich dialogue about what it means to live a spiritually fulfilling life—and how we can pass those values on to the next generation.

If you’re curious about how to integrate spirituality into your parenting, or if you just want to learn more about this cultural shift, these books are a great place to start.

They offer different, but complementary perspectives but ultimately guide us toward the same goal: raising children who are not just thriving in the material world but also deeply connected to their inner selves.

Let’s keep the conversation going—how are you nurturing the spirit of the children in your life? Are we witnessing a new era of spiritual parenting in America? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness. Delta.

Miller, L. (2015). The Spiritual Child: The New Science on Parenting for Health and Lifelong Thriving. St. Martin’s Press.

Siegel, D. J. (2010). The Mindful Therapist: A Clinician's Guide to Mindsight and Neural Integration. W. W. Norton & Company.

Stiffelman, S. (2015). Parenting with Presence: Practices for Raising Conscious, Confident, Caring Kids. New World Library.