Solution-Focused Brief Therapy and Neurodiverse Couples
Friday, February 21, 2025.
Love is never one-size-fits-all.
Add neurodivergence into the mix, and you have a relationship that requires a level of customization akin to ordering the perfect coffee at an overcomplicated café—“I’d like a double-shot, oat milk, half-caf, extra-foam, three-pump lavender latte with a hint of cinnamon.”
For neurodiverse couples, traditional therapy models often feel equally mismatched.
However, Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT)—is a therapeutic model that doesn’t dwell on fixing deficits but instead helps couples harness their strengths.
A case study applying this approach to a neurodiverse couple over twelve sessions revealed remarkable improvements in communication and emotional awareness.
However, their individual journeys toward relationship satisfaction varied, underscoring the need for personalized therapeutic approaches that account for each partner’s distinct experiences.
Why Traditional Therapy Often Misses the Mark for Neurodiverse Couples
Many therapy models are steeped in traditional psychological theories that assume all couples function within the same social and cognitive frameworks. This is where neurodivergent folks, who may process emotions, communication, and intimacy differently, often find themselves feeling out of step.
For example, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) often assumes that if you can identify negative thought patterns, you can simply reframe them into positive ones—like flipping a switch.
However, for a neurodivergent partner, emotional regulation isn’t always that simple. Executive dysfunction, sensory processing issues, or difficulty interpreting nonverbal cues can complicate the process.
Solution-Focused Brief Therapy: A Better Fit?
SFBT sidesteps these limitations by embracing a postmodern therapeutic approach, which suggests that reality is not fixed but constructed through language and interactions.
Instead of treating neurodivergence as something to be “corrected,” SFBT focuses on what’s working and how couples can build on those strengths.
Neurodiverse couples often thrive when they can shift their focus from deficits to capabilities, and SFBT provides a structured yet flexible way to achieve that. Here’s why it works so well:
It’s Strength-Based: Instead of diagnosing what’s wrong in the relationship, SFBT emphasizes what’s already right and expands on that.
It’s Future-Oriented: Instead of replaying past miscommunications, it encourages partners to envision what a thriving relationship looks like and take small steps toward it.
It’s Brief and Focused: Neurodivergent couples often struggle with therapy models that require lengthy introspection and abstract emotional work. SFBT keeps sessions direct, practical, and goal-oriented.
It Recognizes Shimmering Moments: These are the flashes of connection, understanding, or joy that stand out amidst everyday struggles. SFBT amplifies these moments, reinforcing the idea that progress is already happening.
The Case Study: A Real-World Look at SFBT in Action
In a recent study applying SFBT to a neurodiverse couple, both partners reported notable improvements in emotional connection and communication.
However, their paths toward relationship satisfaction were unique.
The neurodivergent partner needed structured ways to express emotions without feeling pressured to conform to neurotypical expectations.
The neuro-normative partner, in contrast, sought validation and clearer ways to interpret their partner’s needs.
Through solution-focused interventions, they co-created small, actionable changes, such as:
Establishing Clear, Low-Stress Communication Rituals (like texting instead of face-to-face discussions when emotions ran high)
Identifying Specific, Tangible Ways to Express Affection (because “I just need to hear it” is different from “I need it in an emoji”)
Celebrating Small Wins (Did we both remember to pay the electricity bill on time? That’s progress!)
Recognizing and Expanding on Shimmering Moments—those unexpected but beautiful instances of connection, humor, or understanding that highlight what’s already working.
While the couple’s relationship satisfaction evolved on different trajectories, the study highlighted a core takeaway: SFBT’s flexibility allows neurodiverse couples to shape their relationship around what works for them, rather than forcing them into neurotypical molds.
The Bigger Picture: A Postmodern Framework for Neurodivergent Relationships
SFBT’s alignment with postmodern therapeutic principles is no accident. Postmodern therapy rejects universal truths in favor of individual narratives—a concept that aligns perfectly with neurodivergent experiences.
Many neurodiverse souls have spent their lives being told they must adapt to a world that isn’t built for them. Postmodern therapy turns this expectation on its head: What if, instead of changing to fit the world, neurodivergent clients could reshape their world to fit them?
SFBT aligns with this idea by emphasizing that meaning is co-constructed between partners. It acknowledges that relationships are not about conforming to external expectations but about crafting a shared, personalized experience.
Final Thoughts: Love, the Neurodivergent Way
Neurodiverse couples deserve therapy models that honor their uniqueness rather than treating them as a problem to be solved. Solution-Focused Brief Therapy offers an adaptable, empowering approach that helps partners identify what already works and build from there.
Instead of asking, “How do we fix what’s wrong?” SFBT asks, “How do we create more of what’s right?” And for neurodiverse couples, that might just be the key to a fulfilling, sustainable love story—one that doesn’t require masking, misunderstanding, or trying to be something they’re not.
After all, love isn’t about being “normal.” It’s about being seen.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Parker, M., & Mosley, A. (2021). Therapy outcomes for neurodiverse couples: Exploring a solution-focused approach. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 47(2), 446–460. https://doi.org/10.1111/jmft.12526
Innovative Resources. (n.d.). Sparkling Moments. Retrieved from https://innovativeresources.org/sparkling-moments/
De Jong, P., & Berg, I. K. (2013). Interviewing for Solutions. Brooks/Cole.
McNamee, S., & Gergen, K. J. (1992). Therapy as Social Construction. Sage Publications.
O’Connell, B. (2012). Solution-Focused Therapy. Sage Publications.