Does Self-Control signal and afford power?

Friday, April 12, 2024.

Are you looking to strengthen your bond with your partner and improve your relationship dynamics?

Recent research in couples therapy has uncovered some interesting findings about how self-control and goal-setting can positively impact relationships…

This trait is linked to the appearance of power, which leads to being entrusted with more power…

• Humans who can display unusually high self-control are perceived as more powerful by their peers and partners, research finds.

• As a result, people who seem more in control of themselves are also granted more power by their fellow humans.

• The study’s findings demonstrate that people who act in accordance with their convictions are seen as more assertive and confident, which is why they are also rated as more powerful. Integrity and self-control seem to be very sexy.

  How the study was conducted

• These are the conclusions from a series of seven experiments including around 3,500 people.

• In one, participants were told that a colleague whose goal was to be fit had to choose between a large dessert or none at all.

• The results showed that people viewed that colleague as more suited for high-power roles when they displayed greater self-control by refusing the dessert.

• The same pattern was repeated across the other experiments: self-control is linked to the appearance of power, which ultimately leads to being entrusted with more power and responsibility.

According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, showing self-control in everyday situations can lead to a perception of increased influence within the relationship. This means that by practicing restraint in small things, like avoiding unnecessary arguments or resisting unhealthy temptations, you may find yourself feeling more empowered in your relationship.

Dr. Pamela Smith, study co-author, said:

“It did not matter whether the colleague seemed to deliberate before acting, or just acted without thinking.

What mattered for participants’ judgments was whether the colleague acted in line with their goals.

This pattern held across a variety of goals in our experiments, including saving money, being healthy and reading books.”

Final thoughts

Applied research suggests that setting realistic goals together can be a great way to foster teamwork and mutual growth.

Instead of aiming for monumental achievements, consider setting smaller, achievable goals you can both work towards. This could be anything from improving communication skills to tackling household projects together.

Conversely, setting overly ambitious goals, commonly called "stretch goals," may not always yield the desired results. If these goals are not met, it can sometimes lead to disappointment and a sense of powerlessness within the relationship. Therefore, it's important to strike a balance and set challenging yet attainable goals.

By incorporating these insights into your relationship, you can cultivate a stronger connection with your partner and navigate challenges together with confidence and mutual support.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

RESEARCH:

Wu, S., Smallman, R., & Smith, P. K. (2024). Self-control signals and affords power. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspi0000457