Romantic Love and Sexual Frequency: Challenging What We Thought We Knew
Monday, November 4, 2024.
Romantic love—the fluttering hearts, endless daydreams, and passionate late-night texts. For centuries, it's been romanticized as the ultimate catalyst for everything from epic poetry to—you guessed it—frequent romps between the sheets.
But what if we told you that the link between romantic love and sexual frequency isn't as straightforward as a Hollywood rom-com makes it out to be?
New research led by Adam Bode from the Australian National University is here to upend our long-held beliefs, with findings that may surprise even the most seasoned relationship gurus.
The Study That Questioned Everything
Bode and his team set out to examine what really drives sexual frequency during the early, heady stages of romantic love.
Drawing on existing theories that suggested early-stage love—complete with its obsessive thoughts and sky-high emotions—fueled sexual desire, the researchers wanted to test whether these intense feelings translated into more frequent sexual activity.
They hypothesized that shorter relationship duration, greater intensity of romantic love, lower commitment, and high-energy behaviors (known as hypomanic-like features) would boost sexual frequency.
To explore this, they surveyed 720 young adults aged 18 to 25 from 33 countries, each of whom identified as being in love. Participants answered questions about their relationship duration, intensity of love, the frequency of thinking about their partner, commitment levels, and any bursts of hypomanic-like energy they experienced.
With statistical models ready and data in hand, the team controlled for known influencers like age, sexual orientation, and health.
The results? Let’s just say they weren’t what anyone expected.
So, Does Love Really Lead to More Sex?
In a twist worthy of a season finale, the study found no significant relationship between the intensity of romantic love and how often young adults have sex. Out of the 14 variables studied, the model explained a mere 4.06% of the variation in sexual frequency.
That’s like trying to find your way using a map that only shows one street—clearly, there’s more to the story.
What’s even more interesting are the trends that did emerge.
Older participants within the 18 to 25 age range reported having sex more frequently, which seems to challenge previous findings that suggest sexual frequency decreases with age.
One possible reason?
Older young adults might have more privacy or opportunities for intimate encounters. Meanwhile, participants who identified as homosexual reported lower sexual frequency, a pattern that might be influenced by social norms or differing relationship dynamics.
The Real Lesson: Love Is Complicated, and So Is Sex
If this study teaches us anything, it’s that romantic love and sexual frequency don’t always walk hand in hand down a rose-petaled path.
This isn’t to say love lacks passion or excitement—far from it!
But the factors that influence how often partners engage in sex are likely far more varied than we thought. It’s a reminder that human relationships are complex, filled with uncharted emotional terrain and influenced by more than just what’s happening in one partner’s head.
As Bode and colleagues so aptly put it, “The question remains, which factors are responsible for variation in sexual activity? The most obvious point to make is that sex involves two parties, and therefore evaluating predictors of sexual activity in only one person leaves half of the equation untested.”
Translation?
If we’re only looking at one person’s emotions and drive, we’re missing out on half the story.
Limitations and Lingering Questions
Of course, no study is perfect, and this one had its share of limitations. For starters, the sample focused solely on young adults in love for less than two years, so we’re not exactly getting a full picture of love in its many stages.
The definition of “sex” was also left to participants' interpretations, which could mean anything from holding hands in a way that would scandalize Grandma to activities not discussed at the dinner table. Plus, the sample skewed towards people from wealthy, democratic countries, which doesn’t capture the full diversity of global relationships.
But even with these caveats, the research offers a valuable nudge: romantic love, in its swoon-worthy glory, isn’t the all-powerful predictor of sexual frequency we thought it was. Other factors—some we understand and others we’ve yet to study—play a significant role.
Final Thoughts
This study serves as a gentle, humorous reminder that love is far more than an infatuation-fueled sprint.
Sometimes, it’s the quiet moments, shared laughter, or simply coexisting in pajamas all weekend that define a relationship. Love and sex, while connected, march to their own rhythms, defying the overly simple narratives we’ve told ourselves.
And maybe, just maybe, that’s what makes relationships worth exploring: they’re complicated, unpredictable, and never exactly what we expect.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Bode, A., Kowal, M., Aghedu, F. C., & Kavanagh, P. S. (2024). Romantic love and sexual frequency: Challenging beliefs. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy.