The Rise of Premarital Counseling: Building Strong Foundations for Modern Relationships
Friday, November 1, 2024.
Once upon a time, premarital counseling was mostly for couples in crisis or for those who belonged to certain religious traditions. But these days, therapy before marriage is the trend.
Generation after generation, people have begun seeing premarital counseling not as a red flag, but as a “relationship tune-up,” a toolkit to build foundations for the modern marriage.
So, how did the attitude shift from “don’t air your dirty laundry” to “let’s talk it out before we hit turbulence”? Today, millennials and Gen Z aren’t just warming to premarital counseling—they’re embracing it as a vital step toward long-lasting, happy marriages.
Why Premarital Counseling? Why Now?
Today’s couples are taking a proactive approach to relationship health, seeing therapy as a way to head off problems before they arise.
The statistics back this up: while only 19% of couples who married before 1990 pursued premarital counseling, recent studies show that as many as 45% of Gen Z and 31% of millennials have opted for premarital counseling (Anderson, 2023).
So what’s behind the trend? Several factors have helped shift the cultural attitude, especially among the younger generations:
Changing Cultural Narratives: For Gen Xers, therapy slowly began losing its “fix-only” stigma, but for millennials and Gen Z, therapy isn’t just normalized—it’s cool. Mental health is seen as a priority, and therapy is simply another form of self-care. In fact, it’s rare these days to find a young person who hasn’t attended therapy.
Rise in Relationship Stressors: From career challenges to social media pressures, today’s couples are managing complexities unheard of in the boomer generation. Premarital counseling offers a structured space to tackle common issues, from finances to boundaries with in-laws, before they have a chance to become major problems.
Proactive, Preventative Mindset: The new generation sees counseling as a means to strengthen, not fix, a relationship. They’re looking to get ahead of challenges instead of waiting to seek help once issues become overwhelming.
What Do Couples Discuss in Premarital Counseling?
The goal of premarital counseling is to give couples the skills and understanding they need to face the inevitable challenges of married life. Here’s what’s typically on the agenda:
Communication Styles and Conflict Resolution: Every couple argues, but not everyone knows how to argue well. Research shows that effective conflict resolution—discussed by Dr. John Gottman and others—can be the difference between a thriving relationship and one that spirals (Gottman & Silver, 1999).
Values and Expectations: From child-rearing philosophies to career priorities, aligning values can make a marriage smoother. Couples are encouraged to discuss everything, from family traditions to where they want to live. The better these expectations are understood, the easier it is to avoid misunderstandings later.
Money, Money, Money: Financial strain is one of the biggest reasons couples seek counseling after marriage. Premarital sessions dive into how partners view money, handle debt, and spend, all of which helps set up realistic financial expectations.
Intimacy and Sex: Many couples shy away from talking about sex, even though it’s a major component of marital satisfaction. In therapy, these conversations happen in a safe, guided environment. Research suggests that open discussions about intimacy can lead to greater marital satisfaction and understanding (Weiss, 2018).
Navigating Families and Friends: Many couples report strain not from their partner but from friends and family dynamics. Therapy offers practical strategies for navigating these complexities in a way that respects everyone involved.
Life Goals and Future Plans: Not every couple wants the traditional house-and-kids lifestyle. Premarital counseling lets couples align on what they want out of life, including their career goals, travel aspirations, and dreams for the future.
Why Millennials and Gen Z are Embracing Premarital Counseling
Millennials and Gen Z are anything but traditional. These generations prioritize emotional well-being, authenticity, and intentional decision-making, and their approach to marriage reflects these values.
Unlike the silent or boomer generations, who often "kept things in the family," younger people see counseling as a space to build resilience rather than a fix for problems. Here are a few reasons why these generations are so fond of premarital counseling:
A New Focus on Preventative Care: For millennials and Gen Z, therapy isn’t about “fixing” issues; it’s about “strengthening” relationships. Just as they might go to a doctor for preventative care, they approach premarital counseling as a way to future-proof their relationship. This preventative approach is bolstered by research showing that couples who attend premarital counseling report greater relationship satisfaction and longevity (Harris et al., 2019).
Digital Relationships: Technology has added layers of complexity to modern relationships. With social media creating new pressures around transparency and trust, counseling offers a structured way to navigate these challenges. In a world where many aspects of our lives are public, premarital counseling provides a private space for couples to navigate boundaries and expectations.
Influence of Mental Health Awareness: Millennials and Gen Z have been part of the cultural movement to destigmatize mental health support. Research shows these generations view counseling and therapy as standard tools for personal growth. This mindset extends naturally to relationships, where they’re keen to seek guidance in building a healthy foundation.
A Decline in Divorce Rates: As people are getting married later and often after living together, the divorce rate has decreased. Experts attribute this trend, in part, to premarital counseling, which equips couples with the tools to address conflict in a healthy way. Knowing how to argue constructively and resolve differences can prevent a lot of heartache (Rosenfeld, 2018).
What Research Says about the Benefits of Premarital Counseling
Premarital counseling has real, research-backed benefits. A study from the National Institute of Marriage showed that couples who engaged in premarital counseling were 30% more likely to have a lasting marriage compared to those who did not attend (Harris et al., 2019).
Another study found that counseling helped couples identify and align on shared values, which improved their communication and conflict resolution skills (Gottman & Silver, 1999).
Premarital counseling teaches essential skills that help partners "weather inevitable storms" more effectively (Weiss, 2018). These tools, including reflective listening, empathy-building, and conflict de-escalation, give couples a solid foundation for navigating challenges.
A Little Humor Goes a Long Way
And, hey, who says therapy has to be serious all the time? Premarital counseling often includes plenty of lighthearted moments. One partner might realize they have an “intense commitment to toothpaste squeezing” that the other finds charmingly baffling. These little quirks come up in therapy, and with humor, they become part of the relationship’s rich tapestry.
The Future of Premarital Counseling: A Growing Trend
Premarital counseling has evolved from a little-known option to a widely respected practice, one that younger generations are embracing with open arms.
Couples who attend premarital sessions report feeling more confident about their relationship and have a greater sense of security moving forward.
For millennials and Gen Z, this form of therapy aligns with their values of self-care, proactive health, and authenticity. In a world that’s more complex than ever, they’re setting a new trend: to build a strong relationship, start with open conversations, guided support, and maybe a few laughs along the way.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
American Psychological Association. (2021). Stress in America: Generation Z.
Anderson, A. (2023, July 1). Why More Couples Are Opting for Premarital Counseling. Vogue. Retrieved from https://www.vogue.com/article/premarital-counseling-wedding-trend
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. Harmony Books.
Harris, S. M., Larsen, B. M., & Aldous, L. (2019). Premarital counseling effectiveness and marital satisfaction. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 45(4), 578-590.
Rosenfeld, M. J. (2018). Marriage, divorce, and romantic relationships in the digital age. MIT Press.