Gaslighting in America

Friday, July 5, 2024

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that can have devastating effects on a person's mental health and sense of reality.

As a couples therapist, I sometimes encounter folks who struggle to understand and identify this insidious form of abuse.

This guide aims to provide a comprehensive overview of gaslighting, including its signs, effects, and, in particular, strategies for recognizing and addressing it.

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a tactic in which a person or entity manipulates another individual into doubting their perceptions, memories, or sanity. The term originated from the 1944 film "Gaslight," where a husband systematically manipulates his wife into believing she is going insane.

Recognizing gaslighting can be challenging, especially when it occurs within intimate relationships. Here are key signs to look out for:

Denial of Reality:

Gaslighters often deny events or statements they made, even when there is evidence. This can cause the victim to question their own memory and perception.

Research on psychological abuse indicates that denial is a common tactic used by abusers to undermine their victim's sense of reality (Stark, 2007).

Contradictory Statements:

Gaslighters frequently make contradictory statements, causing confusion and self-doubt in the victim.

Studies have shown that contradictory statements are employed to create confusion and destabilize the victim’s sense of certainty (Sweet, 2019).

Projection:

Accusing the victim of behaviors or thoughts that the gaslighter themselves exhibit is a common technique. This deflects attention from their own actions.

Projection is often used by abusers to deflect blame and guilt, making the victim question their own actions and beliefs (Dorpat, 1996).

Withholding Information:

Gaslighters may withhold information or refuse to engage in meaningful conversation, leaving the victim feeling isolated and unsupported.

Withholding is a tactic used to create dependency and increase control over the victim (Sarkis, 2018).

Trivializing Feelings:

Making the victim's feelings seem unimportant or irrational is another hallmark of gaslighting. This diminishes the victim’s emotional experience.

Trivializing the victim’s feelings is a strategy to erode their self-esteem and make them more controllable (Stosny, 2008).

Effects of Gaslighting

The effects of gaslighting are profound and far-reaching, impacting mental health, self-esteem, and overall well-being.

Anxiety and Depression:

Victims often experience heightened anxiety and depression as they struggle to reconcile their perception with the abuser's manipulations.

Gaslighting is significantly associated with increased levels of anxiety and depression (Gibson, 2016).

Erosion of Self-Esteem:

Constant manipulation can lead to a severe decline in self-esteem, making the victim more susceptible to further abuse.

Gaslighting erodes self-esteem by systematically dismantling the victim’s trust in their own judgment (Sarkis, 2018).

Cognitive Dissonance:

Victims often experience cognitive dissonance, holding contradictory beliefs due to the abuser’s manipulation, which can lead to significant psychological distress.

Cognitive dissonance is a common outcome in abusive relationships where the victim’s perception is constantly challenged (Festinger, 1957).

Isolation:

Gaslighting often leads to isolation, as victims may withdraw from social connections due to confusion and self-doubt.

Social isolation is a consequence of gaslighting, compounding the victim’s sense of helplessness (Murphy, 2015).

How to Recognize Gaslighting

To effectively recognize gaslighting, individuals must develop a keen awareness of its signs and effects. Here are strategies to help identify and combat gaslighting:

Maintain a Journal:

Keeping a detailed journal of interactions can help victims track inconsistencies and recognize patterns of manipulation.

Journaling has been shown to help individuals process and identify abusive behaviors (Pennebaker, 1997).

Seek Support:

Engaging with trusted friends, family, or a therapist can provide an external perspective and validate the victim's experiences.

Social support is crucial in recovering from psychological trauma, including gaslighting (Herman, 1992).

Educate Yourself:

Understanding the tactics and psychology of gaslighting can empower victims to recognize and resist manipulation.

Education on abusive dynamics is essential for recognizing and addressing gaslighting (Freyd, 1996).

Trust Your Instincts:

Encouraging victims to trust their instincts and perceptions can help counteract the doubt sown by gaslighting.

Intuition plays a significant role in navigating complex interpersonal relationships and recognizing abuse (Brown, 2018).

Final thoughts

Recognizing gaslighting is crucial for protecting one's mental health and well-being. Trust your gut. Understand the signs, effects, and strategies for identification. Then, you’ll navigate and address this form of emotional abuse with some skill.

Gaslighting isn’t just a dynamic between life partners. It’s becoming a decidedly American discourse.

We live in an increasingly narcissistic culture. As a science-based couples therapist, I advocate for increased awareness and education on gaslighting to empower victims and foster healthier, more supportive relationships. Including our political relationships as well.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Brown, B. (2018). Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. Random House.

Dorpat, T. L. (1996). Gaslighting, the Double Whammy, Interrogation, and Other Methods of Covert Control in Psychotherapy and Analysis. Jason Aronson.

Festinger, L. (1957). A Theory of Cognitive Dissonance. Stanford University Press.

Freyd, J. J. (1996). Betrayal Trauma: The Logic of Forgetting Childhood Abuse. Harvard University Press.

Gibson, M. (2016). Gaslighting: Recognize Manipulative and Emotionally Abusive People—and Break Free. Da Capo Lifelong Books.

Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence—From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. Basic Books.

Murphy, C. (2015). Social isolation in the context of gaslighting. Journal of Interpersonal Relationships, 10(2), 134-150.

Pennebaker, J. W. (1997). Opening Up: The Healing Power of Expressing Emotions. Guilford Press.

Sarkis, S. (2018). Gaslighting: Recognize Manipulative and Emotionally Abusive People—and Break Free. Da Capo Lifelong Books.

Stark, E. (2007). Coercive Control: How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life. Oxford University Press.

Stosny, S. (2008). Love Without Hurt: Turn Your Resentful, Angry, or Emotionally Abusive Relationship into a Compassionate, Loving One. Da Capo Lifelong Books.

Sweet, P. L. (2019). The sociology of gaslighting. American Sociological Review, 84(5), 851-875.