PTSD and Infidelity: Understanding the connection and implications
Tuesday, July 9, 2024.
Infidelity is a challenging topic in any relationship, but when coupled with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), the complexities deepen.
PTSD, a mental health condition triggered by experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event, can significantly impact relationships, often leading to emotional and behavioral changes that contribute to infidelity.
Let’s explore the intricate relationship between PTSD and infidelity.
Understanding PTSD
PTSD is characterized by symptoms such as flashbacks, nightmares, severe anxiety, and uncontrollable thoughts about the event. These symptoms can disrupt daily life and strain personal relationships. According to the National Center for PTSD, about 7-8% of the U.S. population will have PTSD at some point in their lives (National Center for PTSD, n.d.).
Symptoms of PTSD
Intrusive Memories: Recurrent, unwanted, distressing memories of the traumatic event.
Avoidance: Avoiding places, activities, or people that remind one of the traumatic event.
Negative Changes in Thinking and Mood: Negative thoughts about oneself or the world, hopelessness, memory problems, and difficulty maintaining close relationships.
Changes in Physical and Emotional Reactions: Being easily startled, always being on guard for danger, self-destructive behavior, and trouble sleeping.
How does PTSD develop?
PTSD can develop after experiencing or witnessing a life-threatening event, such as combat, a natural disaster, a car accident, or sexual assault. Not everyone who experiences trauma will develop PTSD, but certain factors, such as the severity of the trauma, lack of support, and pre-existing mental health conditions, can increase the likelihood.
The Link Between PTSD and Infidelity
Research suggests a significant link between PTSD and infidelity. Folks with PTSD may engage in infidelity as a coping mechanism to deal with their symptoms or emotional turmoil. Here are some ways PTSD can lead to infidelity:
Emotional Numbness and Detachment
PTSD can cause emotional numbness, making it difficult for folks to connect emotionally with their partners. This detachment can lead to seeking emotional or physical connections outside the relationship. Emotional numbing and avoidance in PTSD patients can strain relationships, sometimes leading to infidelity (Monson et al., 2009).
Self-Destructive Behavior
Folks with PTSD often engage in self-destructive behaviors, including substance abuse and risky sexual activities.
Infidelity can be a manifestation of this behavior. This self-destructive tendency is a way to cope with the overwhelming stress and emotions associated with PTSD (Schnurr & Green, 2004). For instance, engaging in infidelity can serve as a distraction from intrusive memories and other distressing symptoms.
Seeking Validation and Control
Infidelity may also be a way for folks with PTSD to seek validation or regain a sense of control that they feel they lost during the traumatic event. Engaging in extramarital affairs can provide a temporary escape from their PTSD symptoms and a sense of power (Goff et al., 2007).
This behavior can be particularly prevalent if the trauma involves a loss of control, such as in cases of sexual assault or abuse.
Avoidance of Intimacy
The avoidance symptoms of PTSD can extend to avoiding intimacy with their partners.
This avoidance can lead to dissatisfaction in the relationship, prompting the sufferer to seek intimacy elsewhere.
Avoidance can manifest as a fear of vulnerability, which is required for deep emotional and physical intimacy, leading to infidelity as a misguided attempt to fulfill these unmet needs (Riggs et al., 1998).
Hyperarousal and Impulsivity
Hyperarousal, a symptom of PTSD, involves being in a constant state of heightened alertness and can lead to impulsive behaviors.
This state of hyperarousal can make it difficult for individuals to control impulses, including the impulse to engage in infidelity (Jakupcak et al., 2007). Impulsivity driven by hyperarousal can result in decisions that one might not make under normal circumstances, including seeking extramarital affairs.
The impact of infidelity on relationships
Infidelity can have devastating effects on relationships, especially when compounded by the presence of PTSD.
The betrayal can lead to a breakdown of trust, increased emotional distress, and further complications in managing PTSD symptoms. Both partners must understand the interplay between PTSD and infidelity to address these issues effectively.
Trust and Betrayal
Infidelity undermines the foundation of trust in a relationship. For the partner of someone with PTSD, discovering infidelity can be especially traumatic. The partner may feel betrayed not only by the act itself but also by the secrecy and deceit involved.
Emotional Distress and PTSD Symptoms
The discovery of infidelity can exacerbate PTSD symptoms. Feelings of betrayal, anger, and sadness can trigger or worsen PTSD symptoms, creating a vicious cycle of emotional distress.
This heightened emotional state can make it even more challenging to manage PTSD and recover from the trauma of infidelity.
Communication Breakdown
PTSD can already strain communication within a relationship.
Add infidelity to the mix, and communication can break down completely. Both partners may struggle to express their feelings and needs, leading to further isolation and misunderstanding.
Co-occurring Conditions
PTSD often co-occurs with other mental health conditions, such as depression, anxiety, and personality disorders.
These co-occurring conditions can further complicate the relationship and the recovery process from infidelity. Addressing these conditions concurrently with PTSD is essential for healing.
Healing and Recovery
Recovery from infidelity and managing PTSD requires a multi-pronged approach:
Therapy
Seeking professional help is crucial. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) are effective treatments for PTSD (Watts et al., 2013).
Couples therapy can also help address relationship issues related to infidelity. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore the underlying issues contributing to infidelity and PTSD, fostering healing and understanding.
Communication
Open and honest communication between partners is essential. Understanding each other’s experiences and emotions can foster empathy and support. Couples can benefit from learning communication skills that promote active listening and emotional expression.
Support Groups
Joining support groups for PTSD or infidelity can provide a sense of community and shared experiences, helping individuals feel less isolated. Support groups offer a platform to share experiences, gain insights, and receive encouragement from others who have faced similar challenges.
Self-Care
Encouraging self-care activities, such as exercise, mindfulness, and hobbies, can help manage PTSD symptoms and improve overall well-being. Self-care practices can reduce stress, enhance mood, and provide healthy coping mechanisms.
Building Trust
Rebuilding trust after infidelity requires time, patience, and consistent effort from both partners. Trust-building activities and exercises guided by a therapist can facilitate this process.
Transparency, accountability, and a commitment to change are essential to rebuilding trust.
Addressing Co-occurring Conditions
Effective treatment of co-occurring conditions, such as depression and anxiety, is vital. Comprehensive mental health care can improve overall functioning and relationship dynamics. Medication, psychotherapy, and lifestyle changes can all contribute to managing these conditions.
Final thoughts
The relationship between PTSD and infidelity is, like most of the stuff I choose to write about, kinda complicated.
However, understanding how PTSD can contribute to infidelity and its impact on relationships is crucial for healing and recovery.
As I’ve mentioned previously, one of the aspects of PTSD that sometimes gets neglected is the abiding tendency toward self-absorption. Avoidant or Anxious Attachment patterns may also be apparent.
With the right support and treatment, couples can navigate these PTSD challenges and rebuild their relationships.
The journey may be difficult, but recovery and reconciliation are possible with dedication and professional guidance. If you’ve read this far, maybe I can help.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Goff, B. S. N., Crow, J. R., Reisbig, A. M. J., & Hamilton, S. (2007). The impact of individual trauma symptoms of deployed soldiers on relationship satisfaction. Journal of Family Psychology, 21(3), 344–353. https://doi.org/10.1037/0893-3200.21.3.344
Jakupcak, M., Tull, M. T., & Roemer, L. (2007). Masculinity, shame, and fear of emotions as predictors of men’s expressions of anger and hostility. Psychology of Men & Masculinity, 8(4), 190-200. https://doi.org/10.1037/1524-9220.8.4.190
Monson, C. M., Taft, C. T., & Fredman, S. J. (2009). Military-related PTSD and intimate relationships: From description to theory-driven research and intervention development. Clinical Psychology Review, 29(8), 707-714. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2009.09.002
National Center for PTSD. (n.d.). How common is PTSD in adults? Retrieved from https://www.ptsd.va.gov/understand/common/common_adults.asp
Riggs, D. S., Byrne, C. A., Weathers, F. W., & Litz, B. T. (1998). The quality of the intimate relationships of male Vietnam veterans: Problems associated with posttraumatic stress disorder. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 11(1), 87-101. https://doi.org/10.1023/A:1024409200155
Schnurr, P. P., & Green, B. L. (2004). Understanding relationships among trauma, post-traumatic stress disorder, and health outcomes. Advances in Mind-Body Medicine, 20(1), 18-29.
Watts, B. V., Schnurr, P. P., Mayo, L., Young-Xu, Y., Weeks, W. B., & Friedman, M. J. (2013). Meta-analysis of the efficacy of treatments for posttraumatic stress disorder. Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, 74(6), e541-550. https://doi.org/10
