Polyamory vs. Monogamy: Why Polygyny Is Not Man's “Natural State” (And Why Monogamy Wins)

Thursday, September 19, 2024.

Polyamory—the trend that just won’t die, no matter how many uncomfortable dinner party conversations it causes. For the uninitiated, polyamory is the supposed “evolution” of romantic relationships, where having multiple partners is embraced as the ultimate path to emotional freedom.

And really, what could be better than trying to balance three relationships while ensuring none of your partners cross paths in a group chat?

But hold on—polyamory advocates have come up with a new angle: citing polygyny as proof that humans, especially men, are biologically wired for multiple partners.

According to them, if our ancient ancestors did it, modern men should too.

Well, they’re wrong.

Let’s break down why polyamory isn’t the enlightened relationship model it claims to be and why monogamy is the real winner when it comes to stability, trust, and emotional connection.

Is Polygyny Really Man’s “Natural” State?

Polyamory enthusiasts love to argue that polygyny, where one man has multiple wives, is hardwired into our DNA.

After all, prehistoric humans supposedly practiced this, so it must be “natural,” right?

Not quite.

Research shows that while some ancient societies did practice polygyny, it was usually tied to wealth and power, not emotional or relational fulfillment (Marlowe, 2000).

The rich guy with a lot of wives? He wasn’t exactly the poster child for emotional intimacy.

Anthropologists have long known that polygyny was more about status and resource control than any biological “need” for multiple partners.

Men in these societies hoarded resources by having more wives, and it wasn’t about love—it was about power consolidation.

So, when modern polyamory advocates trot out polygyny as an excuse, they’re conveniently ignoring the context: polygyny was about dominance, not personal growth.

Let’s be real—using cavemen as a benchmark for modern relationships is about as useful as using a flip phone in 2024.

Sure, they had their way of doing things, but we’ve evolved.

Societies that embraced monogamy saw greater stability, less male competition, and healthier relationship dynamics. In fact, researchers like Joseph Henrich argue that monogamous systems played a key role in the development of larger, more cooperative human societies (Henrich, Boyd, & Richerson, 2012).

Why Monogamy Is Still the Gold Standard

Monogamy may not be as trendy as polyamory, but it has been the backbone of stable societies for centuries.

Contrary to what polyamory fans want you to believe, monogamous relationships offer the deepest emotional fulfillment.

Research backs this up—studies consistently show that monogamous couples report higher levels of trust, emotional stability, and long-term happiness (Conley et al., 2017).

Polyamory, on the other hand, is often romanticized as a communication utopia. But in reality, it’s a minefield of jealousy, miscommunication, and logistical nightmares.

A study by Balzarini et al. (2019) found that partners in polyamorous relationships regularly deal with jealousy and power struggles, despite all their “open communication” promises. It turns out that juggling multiple partners might not be the emotional liberation polyamory advocates claim after all.

The beauty of monogamy lies in its simplicity—focusing your emotional energy on one partner, building trust, and developing a deep connection that can withstand life’s ups and downs. That’s why societies that value monogamy tend to be more stable, with less social chaos compared to polygamous or polyamorous cultures. Stable relationships create stable societies—it’s really that simple.

The Fantasy vs. Reality of Polyamory

Polyamory advocates claim that it’s the future of relationships, where everyone is free to love as many people as they want.

But the reality is far less glamorous.

While polyamorists love to talk about their commitment to open communication, the reality is often messy. Scheduling conflicts, jealousy, and emotional burnout are common issues. And let's not even get started on how exhausting it must be to keep track of everyone's dietary preferences during dinner parties.

Research supports the chaos theory of polyamory.

In a study conducted by McCabe et al. (2018), folks in polyamorous or open relationships were found to have lower relationship satisfaction compared to those in monogamous relationships. While polyamorists tout the idea of "freedom," what often happens is emotional overload and a breakdown of trust.

Let’s face it—most people aren’t wired to manage multiple deep emotional connections simultaneously. Jealousy isn’t just some outdated feeling; it’s a very human response to wanting emotional security and commitment. Polyamory might promise “freedom,” but it often delivers emotional chaos. Humans thrive on deep, one-on-one connections, which is why monogamy continues to be the gold standard for relational fulfillment and stability.

Monogamy: The Bedrock of Emotional and Societal Stability

Let’s give monogamy the credit it deserves.

Far from being an old-fashioned relic, monogamy is what helps build strong, emotionally fulfilling relationships and stable societies. Choosing one partner and investing deeply in that relationship leads to long-term emotional security, trust, and relationship satisfaction—all backed by decades of social science research.

While polyamory enthusiasts cite polygyny as evidence that multiple partners are natural, the reality is that monogamy has played a far more crucial role in human history. It has helped foster cooperation, reduce conflict, and promote emotional well-being (Henrich et al., 2012).

In short, polyamory may get all the buzz on social media, but monogamy is where real emotional fulfillment and stability lie.

The next time some dipshit therapist on tv arguing that polyamory is the future, please remember: the past is full of chaotic love triangles, and the present is built on the strength of stable, monogamous relationships.

Be Well, Stay Kind, (nobody’s perfect), and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Balzarini, R. N., Campbell, L., Kohut, T., Holmes, B. M., Lehmiller, J. J., Harman, J. J., & Gillespie, B. L. (2019). Perceptions of primary and secondary relationships in polyamory. PLOS ONE, 14(9), e0222350.

Conley, T. D., Moors, A. C., Matsick, J. L., & Ziegler, A. (2017). The fewer the merrier?: Assessing stigma surrounding consensually non-monogamous romantic relationships. Analyses of Social Issues and Public Policy, 17(1), 45-69.

Henrich, J., Boyd, R., & Richerson, P. J. (2012). The puzzle of monogamous marriage. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences, 367(1589), 657-669.

Marlowe, F. W. (2000). Paternal investment and the human mating system. Behavioural Processes, 51(1-3), 45-61.

McCabe, M. P., Brewster, M. E., Tong, C., & Mahan, D. T. (2018). Predictors of relationship satisfaction and quality among individuals in consensually non-monogamous relationships. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 47(3), 733-745.