Pitbull Husbands
Saturday, March 9, 2024.
"When Men Batter Women" is a seminal book authored by Neil Jacobson and John Gottman, which delves into the complex dynamics of domestic violence.
Published in 1998, the book presents findings from extensive research conducted by the authors, shedding light on the psychological factors underlying abusive behaviors in intimate relationships.
The critical content of "When Men Batter Women" can be summarized as follows:
Research Methodology: Jacobson and Gottman's research involved longitudinal studies of couples experiencing relationship distress, with a particular focus on couples in which domestic violence was present. They utilized various methods, including observational studies, surveys, and interviews, to gather data on the dynamics of abusive relationships.
Cycle of Violence: One of the central concepts explored in the book is the "cycle of violence," which describes the pattern of tension building, explosion, and reconciliation that characterizes many abusive relationships. The authors examine how this cycle perpetuates the cycle of abuse and contributes to the complexity of leaving abusive relationships.
Types of Abusers: Jacobson and Gottman identify different typologies of abusers based on their psychological profiles and patterns of behavior. They distinguish between "Cobras" and "Pit Bulls" as two primary types of abusive men, each exhibiting distinct traits and motivations for their behavior.
Psychological Factors: The book delves into the psychological factors that contribute to domestic violence, including personality traits, cognitive distortions, and emotional dysregulation. Jacobson and Gottman explore how individual vulnerabilities and relationship dynamics interact to perpetuate abusive behaviors.
Treatment Approaches: In addition to documenting the prevalence and dynamics of domestic violence, "When Men Batter Women" also discusses treatment approaches for abusive men. The authors advocate for interventions that address both the individual and relational factors contributing to abuse, emphasizing the importance of accountability and behavioral change.
Implications for Policy and Practice: The book concludes with reflections on the implications of their research for policy and practice in domestic violence prevention and intervention. Jacobson and Gottman highlight the need for comprehensive approaches that address the complex interplay of individual, interpersonal, and societal factors involved in domestic violence.
Pitbull Husbands…
In “When Men Batter Women, New Insights into Ending Abusive Relationships.” Drs. John Gottman and Neil Jacobson defined battering as:
“physical aggression with a purpose to control, intimidate, and subjugate another human being. Battering is alway accompanied by injury, and is always associated with fear and even terror on the part of the battered woman.”
Research into how batterers think can help a therapist tease out whether an abusive relationship can be salvaged or whether it is beyond the reach of therapeutic intervention.
Pitbulls are men whose emotions tend to explode quickly
They are fundamentally insecure and have an excessive and unhealthy dependence on their long-suffering partners. The research confirmed that there is nothing a battered woman can say or do that can effectively stop the physical battering. Once battering starts, it rarely ends, even if the batterer went through a treatment program.
Typically even if physical battering does decrease or even stop, it is merely replaced with emotional battering. This abuse leaves no scars and is not illegal. It is, however, for a previously physically battered spouse a highly effective constraint. It is as effective as physical assault. Verbal abuse is a “sweet spot” for these abusive husbands. They quickly learn that verbal tirades can control their spouses without running afoul of the law.
How do you spot a Pitbull husband?
Pit Bulls are characterized by their explosive and volatile behavior. They may have difficulty regulating their emotions, leading to outbursts of anger and aggression. Unlike Cobras, who may maintain a facade of calm and control, Pit Bulls may struggle to contain their emotions, leading to frequent and intense displays of violence.
Motivations: Pit Bulls may abuse their partners as a result of unresolved anger, frustration, or insecurity. Their abusive behavior is often driven by a need to exert power and control in the relationship, but they may lack the strategic planning and calculation seen in Cobras. Instead, their abuse may be impulsive and reactionary, triggered by perceived threats to their sense of masculinity or control.
Psychological Profile: Pit Bulls may exhibit traits associated with borderline personality disorder or impulse control disorders. They may have difficulty regulating their emotions and engage in black-and-white thinking, viewing their partners as all-good or all-bad. This dichotomous thinking can contribute to the cycle of violence in abusive relationships.
Patterns of Abuse: The abuse perpetrated by Pit Bulls is often characterized by physical violence and intimidation. They may engage in explosive outbursts of anger, resulting in acts of violence such as hitting, slapping, or choking. These outbursts may be followed by periods of remorse and reconciliation, contributing to the cycle of violence in the relationship.
Pitbull husbands are pretty different from Cobras.
They are internally aroused, and their anger increases as the battering runs its course. Unlike Cobras, pit bulls can feel remorse and tend to confine their aggressive behavior toward their partners.
Although they feel remorse, they defend themselves arguing that their partner are complicit, or even totally responsible. They are often extremely jealous, possessive, and paranoid. They are extremely emotionally dependent on their partners. What they fear being abandoned, or being betrayed.
Pitbull husbands have a desperate need to control their spouses. They are stalkers and are often obsessed with a partner who has managed to leave them.
Pitbulls are easier to leave initially than Cobras, but because they tend to obsess, they can sometimes be more dangerous in the long run. They sometimes describe themselves as victims and their spouses as the perpetrators.
They acquire control by isolating their partner and denying their experience as valid or accurate.
Pitbulls often spy, track, and monitor their spouses relentlessly
Pitbulls demand adjustment and change from their partner but are never satisfied.
Of course, they are resistant to changing themselves. Problems in marriage are always outside Pitbull's influence.
They can be charming and engaging in the early stages of courtship, but they then tend to entrap and control.
Pitbulls are also known to sometimes struggle with depression. They often learned their behavior from a father who modeled controlling and abusive behavior.
The Pitbull exhibist extreme jealousy and insecurities. They are extremely dependent upon their partner. Aggression is often fueled by a fear of abandonment. Unlike Cobras, Pitbulls’ heart rates increased as they became more aggressive. What’s really interesting is that the spouses of Pitbulls were not intimidated. They often escalated, and often matched their husbands in verbal aggression.
One noteworthy trait is that Pitbulls are highly reactive when other men give their partners attention and can become keenly suspicious, easily believing that their wives are having affairs based on indications that most of us would find pretty thin.
Final thoughts
Pitbulls often attempt to control their marriages by tracking their partner’s movements daily. Unlike the Cobra, the violence of the Pitbull is not sudden or unexpected, but it is personal, problematic, and prolonged.
But like a Cobra man, these men are less likely to move on to another relationship. They often continue to act confrontationally against their partner even years after the relationship has ended.
Pit bulls ruminate and feel victimized by their wives when they leave them. They have sour memories of their marriage and suffer from a victim mentality.
Unlike Cobras, Pitbull husbands have been known to respond to therapy.
I’ve worked with a few of them, and they are capable of self-awareness and reflection. However, they must take responsibility for their actions and actively seek to change, and that is often a challenge as their values invariably arose in their families of origin.
Be well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
