Phubbing and Aggression in Relationships: How Ignoring Your Partner for a Phone Wrecks Romance

Wednesday, February 12, 2025.

A new study in Frontiers in Psychology suggests that staring at your phone while your partner is trying to connect with you—what many call "phubbing"—can lead to some nasty relationship behaviors.

In plain English, ignoring your partner in favor of doomscrolling might make them more likely to lash out.

The study found that people who feel snubbed by a screen get aggressive in ways that mess with emotional intimacy.

And for women, the gap between how much support they want from their partner and how much they get plays a big role in that aggression.

Welcome to the World of Partner Phubbing

You’ve seen it before. You’re telling a heartfelt story about your day, and suddenly your partner zones out. Maybe they’re watching a cat video. Maybe they're texting their mom. Maybe they’re deep into a conspiracy thread about lizard people. Either way, they’re gone.

This is called partner phubbing. It’s a delightful little term that means “snubbing your significant other with your phone.” And researchers wanted to know if this little act of digital betrayal does more than just irritate people.

The Study: Let’s Watch Couples Implode

To investigate, researchers recruited 772 young, unmarried, smartphone-addicted lovebirds in China.

They surveyed them online, asking: How often does your partner ignore you for their phone? Do you feel supported in your relationship?

How often do you engage in relational aggression—meaning, do you take little jabs at your partner, emotionally ice them out, or otherwise find clever ways to make them suffer without laying a hand on them?

The results? Phubbed partners weren’t happy campers. The more someone’s partner ignored them for their phone, the more likely they were to start throwing social grenades—little acts of relational sabotage designed to hurt their significant other.

For women, this was especially true if they felt their partner wasn’t giving them the support they needed. For men, the connection was more straightforward: phubbing led to aggression, but not necessarily because of a support deficit. Just good old-fashioned neglect.

Why Does This Happen?

Imagine this: You’re in a relationship. You want connection. You want love. You want—at the very least—your partner to look at you while you’re talking. Instead, they’re hypnotized by their phone. Over time, you start to feel invisible. So what do you do?

For many, the answer is relational aggression. This can look like passive-aggressive comments, withholding affection, or making your partner feel unwanted.

The study suggests that this cycle is fueled by a lack of social support. When your partner is glued to their phone, it’s not just annoying—it chips away at the emotional scaffolding that keeps a relationship together.

Men vs. Women: Who Cares More?

Women, it turns out, are more sensitive to emotional support. When they feel unsupported, they’re more likely to lash out in social ways. Men, on the other hand, don’t seem as concerned about the emotional support gap, but still get aggressive when they feel ignored.

So What Now?

The takeaway is depressingly simple: stop phubbing your partner. Look up from your phone. Engage. Or don’t, and watch your relationship slowly erode under the weight of unmet expectations and snarky remarks.

Of course, the study isn’t perfect. It’s based on self-reports, meaning participants might have fibbed about their behavior.

Plus, it’s a cross-sectional study, which means we don’t know if phubbing causes aggression or if aggressive partners get phubbed more because they’re unbearable to be around.

But one thing is clear: no one likes to be ignored. And in the era of infinite scrolling, putting the phone down might just be the simplest relationship hack there is.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Zhou, L., Liu, Q., Li, X., & Sun, Y. (2025). Partner phubbing and relational aggression in romantic relationships among young adults in China: the roles of social support and gender. Frontiers in Psychology.