10 Toxic behaviors of female covert narcissists

Thursday, August 7, 2024.

Female covert narcissists can be incredibly challenging to identify due to their subtle and manipulative behaviors. In other words, a bad woman can be hard to find.

Here, I’ll discuss 10 toxic traits that characterize female covert narcissists, illustrating how these behaviors can undermine relationships and mental well-being.

Turning on the Tears

One of the most manipulative tactics used by female covert narcissists is to suddenly become tearful to gain sympathy and deflect criticism. By appearing vulnerable and emotional, they can make others feel guilty or responsible for their distress, thus avoiding accountability for their actions.

Emotional Blackmail

Female covert narcissists frequently employ emotional blackmail to control those around them. By manipulating emotions to create fear, guilt, or a sense of obligation, they ensure their needs and desires are prioritized. This behavior is incredibly damaging to the emotional well-being of their partners and loved ones.

Chronic Physical Ailments

These narcissists often complain of chronic physical ailments that mysteriously worsen when they are not the center of attention. These ailments can be exaggerated or fabricated to elicit sympathy, avoid responsibilities, or manipulate others into providing care and attention.

Avoiding Shame or Guilt at All Costs

Avoiding shame or guilt is a priority for female covert narcissists. They go to great lengths to deflect blame onto others, using manipulation or deceit to maintain their image. This behavior ensures they never have to confront their own flaws or wrongdoings.

Refusing to Talk and Work Through Issues

Female covert narcissists often refuse to engage in meaningful conversations to resolve issues. Instead, they might give the silent treatment, deflect blame, or deny that a problem exists. This avoidance prevents any progress in the relationship and leaves their partners feeling unheard and frustrated.

Big Arguments Over Nothing

Provoking big arguments over trivial matters is a common tactic. These arguments serve as a means to control and destabilize their partners, ensuring the attention remains on them. The constant drama can leave others feeling exhausted and confused.

Highly Critical of Others

A hallmark of covert narcissism is being highly critical of others while maintaining a façade of innocence. Female covert narcissists often make disparaging remarks, belittle others, or offer backhanded compliments to undermine confidence and assert their superiority.

Extreme Chore Wars

In relationships, female covert narcissists often engage in extreme chore wars, refusing to contribute equally to household responsibilities. They may use excuses, feign incompetence, or manipulate their partners into doing more than their fair share, causing resentment and tension.

For example, My client “Charlie Davenport” found himself doing all the cooking and cleaning while running a business and also pursuing a Master’s Degree. His wife Arlene bitterly criticized him for doing a poor job cleaning the house while she spent her days doing whatever.

Isolating You from Friends and Loved Ones

Isolation is a key strategy used by female covert narcissists to maintain control over their partners. They may subtly discourage or sabotage relationships with friends and loved ones, making their partner more dependent on them for emotional support. This isolation increases their power and influence in the relationship.

Emotional Reasoning (Conflicts Never Get Resolved)

Female covert narcissists rely heavily on emotional reasoning, where their feelings are seen as facts. This approach makes resolving conflicts nearly impossible, as they dismiss logical arguments and evidence in favor of their subjective emotions. This leads to recurring arguments and unresolved issues.

Final thoughts

Understanding these toxic behaviors can help identify and manage relationships with female covert narcissists.

Recognizing such manipulative tactics such as turning on the tears, emotional blackmail, chronic physical ailments, avoiding shame or guilt, refusing to talk through issues, big arguments over nothing, being highly critical, extreme chore wars, isolating you from loved ones, and emotional reasoning can provide clarity and pave the way for healthier interactions.

Let me be frank. These are difficult souls. The juice is often not worth the squeeze.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.