Narcissistic Parents and Gender
Tuesday, October 22, 2024.
When we talk about the impact of narcissistic parents on their children, it’s a topic that hits home for many, bringing up the question: Are sons of narcissistic mothers more likely to become narcissists, or is it daughters of narcissistic fathers?
Let’s dive into the latest research and break down how these dynamics play out, along with some factors that influence whether a child may develop narcissistic traits.
Narcissistic Mothers and Their Sons: A Complex Bond
The relationship between narcissistic mothers and their sons is often a tangled web. Narcissistic mothers may see their sons as extensions of themselves, using them for emotional support or validation. This dynamic, known as "enmeshment," can push sons to adopt narcissistic traits as a way of coping with the constant demands placed on them.
For example, these sons may develop grandiosity or a sense of entitlement as a defense mechanism, shaped by the need to meet their mother’s needs. Yet, not all sons of narcissistic mothers turn into full-blown narcissists. Many might instead struggle with anxiety, depression, or codependency—symptoms of trying to navigate such a consuming relationship.
One study found that maternal overvaluation—where a mother overly praises or idealizes her child—combined with a lack of empathy could increase the likelihood of narcissistic traits developing in sons (Brummelman et al., 2015). However, factors like temperament and social support networks also play a significant role in how these dynamics unfold.
Narcissistic Fathers and Their Daughters: A Different Story
When we look at the other side of the coin—narcissistic fathers and their daughters—the story shifts.
Narcissistic fathers may idolize or neglect their daughters, leading to inconsistent attachment patterns and a shaky sense of self-worth. While this can impact daughters profoundly, it doesn’t always translate into overt narcissism.
Instead, daughters of narcissistic fathers might internalize some of their father's traits, such as a need for validation or a struggle with self-criticism.
They may be at higher risk for developing traits related to covert narcissism—where a person struggles with self-esteem but seeks admiration and validation from others.
Studies indicate that daughters who grow up with narcissistic fathers often experience self-doubt and perfectionism, leaning more towards low self-worth rather than the grandiosity seen in overt narcissism (Otway & Vignoles, 2006).
This difference suggests that daughters might absorb their father's critical voice rather than mirror his narcissistic traits directly.
Gender and Narcissism: Who Mirrors Whom?
It turns out that children often model behaviors based on the gender of their same-sex parent.
Sons may be more likely to adopt narcissistic traits when their father exhibits them, and the same goes for daughters with narcissistic mothers.
This phenomenon, called "role modeling," suggests that children identify more closely with the same-gender parent, potentially making them more susceptible to picking up similar behaviors (Horton et al., 2006).
That said, cross-gender parent-child relationships—like a narcissistic mother and her son or a narcissistic father and his daughter—create unique emotional dynamics that can foster their own sets of challenges. Hence these bookend blogposts.
These relationships often leave the child with a sense of instability in their self-concept, which can manifest in different ways depending on other factors, like resilience and social support.
Nature, Nurture, and Narcissism
Narcissism is not purely a product of environment or genetics; it’s a combination of both.
Research highlights that genetics can predispose someone to narcissistic traits, but it’s often the parenting style that determines how these traits develop (Bleiberg, 1994).
Narcissistic parents frequently create environments where a child's value feels contingent on meeting the parent's needs, leading to an unstable sense of self.
For example, a study published in the Journal of Personality found that narcissistic traits could be influenced by how much a parent overemphasizes their child's specialness (Horton & Tritch, 2014). In such environments, children learn to measure their worth through external validation, a key component of narcissistic behavior.
How It All Plays Out
Ultimately, the risk of developing narcissistic traits as a child of a narcissistic parent varies.
Sons of narcissistic mothers may be more prone to exhibit overt narcissism, while daughters of narcissistic fathers might show covert narcissistic tendencies or struggle with self-esteem issues. Both face unique challenges when it comes to forming healthy relationships later in life.
But it’s not a foregone conclusion.
Many adult children of narcissistic parents find ways to break free from these patterns through self-awareness, therapy, and the support of loved ones. Understanding these dynamics helps unravel the complex web of narcissism and offers a path toward healthier relationships and self-understanding.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Bleiberg, E. (1994). Normal and pathological narcissism in adolescence. American Journal of Psychotherapy, 48(1), 30-51. https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.psychotherapy.1994.48.1.30
Brummelman, E., Thomaes, S., Nelemans, S. A., Orobio de Castro, B., & Bushman, B. J. (2015). Origins of narcissism in children. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 112(12), 3659-3662. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1420870112
Horton, R. S., & Tritch, T. (2014). Clarifying the link between grandiose narcissism and parenting. Journal of Personality, 82(3), 251-261. https://doi.org/10.1111/jopy.12047
Horton, R. S., Bleau, G., & Drwecki, B. (2006). Parenting as a cause of narcissism: Empirical support for psychoanalytic and social learning theories. Journal of Personality, 74(2), 376-403. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-6494.2005.00378.x
Otway, L. J., & Vignoles, V. L. (2006). Narcissism and self-esteem: A closer look at the complex link. Journal of Personality, 74(3), 701-746. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-6494.2006.00393.x