Monotropism, Flow States, and Gottman Method Couples Therapy
Monday, December 11, 2023.
What is Monotropism?
Coined by Damian Milton, monotropism challenges the conventional understanding of how attention is bestowed by neurodivergent humans.
Monotropism posits that many neurodivergent humans tend to focus their attention on a limited number of interests or activities at a given time. This intense focus can result in deep, Flow state engagement, and consequential expertise in specific areas of human endeavor.
Understanding the trait of monotropism is crucial in the context of couples therapy, as it sheds light on the cognitive processing styles of neurodivergent humans in an intimate relationship.
By recognizing and respecting the individual's preferred modes of attention, therapists can create a more accommodating and effective therapeutic environment.
Applications for science-based couples therapy…
Gottman's Sound Relationship House provides a comprehensive framework for addressing various aspects of a couple's dynamics. When working with neurodiverse couples, integrating the concept of Monotropism allows therapists to tailor interventions to align with each partner’s cognitive style.
For example, if one partner in a neurodiverse couple has a specific area of intense interest, incorporating the totality of consequences, (love map) of this time sink into therapy sessions may enhance engagement and communication.
By acknowledging and valuing each partner's unique experience of the same phenomena, couples therapists can foster a more inclusive therapeutic space.
Recognizing Sensory Sensitivities
Neurodivergent humans often experience heightened sensory sensitivities, a factor that is not explicitly addressed in Gottman's original model.
By incorporating the understanding of Monotropism, therapists can recognize how sensory experiences may impact a neurodivergent partner’s present-moment attentional and emotional state.
Creating a sensory-friendly therapeutic environment, where factors like lighting, noise, and tactile sensations are considered, can significantly enhance the effectiveness of science-based couples therapy.
This adaptation aligns with the Gottman principle of creating a safe and comfortable space for couples to connect.
Exploring Flow States
One of the areas I hope will attract some research attention is how Milton's concept of Flow states might complement Gottman's emphasis on emotional connection and attunement.
Flow states, characterized by deep concentration, heightened focus, and a sense of (well) being in the present moment, can be of particular and profound significance for neurodivergent life-partners.
In the context of science-based couples therapy, facilitating Flow states can be a powerful tool for enhancing communication and connection with neurodiverse couples. But acknowledging and sufficiently valuing intellectual curiosity might require a conscious shift for neurotypical couples therapists.
Understanding how each partner experiences and enters Flow states allows therapists to guide them toward shared activities that promote bonding and intimacy. This is a state-dependent learning for neurodivergent couples which requires more clinical curiosity..
Incorporating Flow into Gottman Method Couples Therapy
The criticality of Identifying Potentially Shared Interests…
Building on the Gottman principle of cultivating shared meaning, therapists can leverage Monotropism and Flow states to identify activities that resonate with both partners.
This might involve exploring each individual's interests and finding common ground that can serve as a foundation for shared intellectual and emotional experiences.
For example, if one partner has a deep interest in art, and the other in technology, finding activities that bridge these interests may create opportunities for shared Flow states.
This example of shared engagement not only enhances connection, it also directly aligns with Gottman's caveat to nurture the friendship dynamic between life-partners.
Enhancing emotional & intellectual connection…
Flow states, especially for some neurodiverse humans, are often accompanied by a sense of joy, fulfillment, and connection. In the context of neurodiverse couples, therapists can guide partners toward activities that naturally elicit flow, fostering positive emotional experiences, some of which may arise from intellectual, as opposed to emotional wellsprings…
By privileging and integrating flow-inducing activities into couples therapy interventions, couples can strengthen their emotional and cognitive connection.
This approach aligns with, and expands Gottman's research conclusions concerning the importance of creating positive interactions to counterbalance inevitable conflicts within relationships.
I’d suggest that we respect, and re-value how intellectual stimulation and curiosity may elicit a flow state with an ND partner.
Recognizing individual differences
While the concepts of Monotropism and Flow states offer valuable frameworks, it's essential to remember that each neurodivergent human is unique.
A good couples therapist will approach each case with a sensitivity to each human’s preferences, strengths, and challenges.
Applying a one-size-fits-all approach, even within the context of Monotropism and Flow states, may overlook the diversity present within the neurodivergent community. Therefore, therapists should remain flexible and open to adapting their strategic interventions based on ongoing feedback from the couple.
Integrating traditional Gottman principles
Balancing the incorporation of new concepts with established Gottman principles requires a more customized, nuanced approach.
Therapists should aspire to seamlessly integrate Monotropism and Flow states into their existing clinical framework, ensuring that these concepts enhance, rather than replace proven strategies oriented toward more common NT couples.
Maintaining a strong foundation in Gottman's core principles, while embracing the evolving landscape of neurodiversity allows Brain-Informed Couples Therapists to create a comprehensive and effective therapeutic experience for couples.
A Gottman Neurodiverse Couples Therapy?
As top-tier couples therapists, it is our responsibility to evolve with the ever-expanding landscape of what we continue to glean, as a community of practice, about the richness of human experience by way of concrete AF neuroscience.
For couples therapists choosing to work with neurodivergent couples, integrating Damian Milton's concepts of Monotropism and Flow states into the Gottman framework will encourage the rapid creation of new interventions to support neurodiverse couples.
I’ll say it again…because it bears repeating.
By recognizing the unique cognitive styles of neurodivergent humans, and life partners, therapists can tailor interventions to create a more inclusive of both intellectual as well as emotional content within the therapeutic environment.
The synergy between Monotropism and Flow states enriches the Gottman therapeutic process. This synergy might offer avenues for deeper connection and emotional intimacy within neurodiverse relationships.
And it directly challenges a neurotypical couples therapists to deliberately expand their felt sense of what comprises critical content for couples..
It’s a sign of how pervasively the termites of mediocrity have spread, and how well they have dined, that we are in a frantic “catch-up” phase of incorporating the deeply meaningful discoveries of contemporary neuroscience into what we ironically continue to boast as “science-based” couples therapy…
Be well, stay kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony.
Milton, D. E. M. (2012). On the ontological status of autism: The ‘double empathy problem’. Disability & Society, 27(6), 883–887. https://doi.org/10.1080/09687599.2012.710008
Pellicano, E., & den Houting, J. (2022). Annual research review: Shifting from ‘normal science’ to neurodiversity in autism science. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 63(4), 381–396. https://doi.org/10.1111/jcpp.13534
Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1990). "Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience." Harper & Row.
Gable SL, Gonzaga GC, Strachman A. Will you be there for me when things go right? Supportive responses to positive event disclosures. J Pers Soc Psychol. 2006 Nov;91(5):904-17. doi: 10.1037/0022-3514.91.5.904. PMID: 17059309.
Laura Bryan PhD , Michelle L. Engblom MS, LMFT , Christopher L. Peters BA , Kami L. Schwerdtfeger PhD & Sarah E. Warren BA (2008) Couples Coping with Stress: Emerging Perspectives on Dyadic Coping, Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 7:4, 369-374, DOI: 10.1080/15332690802368451
