Make your bed before you take over the world

Tuesday, September 10, 2024. This is for Nathan and Matt, who already knows…

“Make your bed before you take over the world" is deceptively simple advice with roots in both ancient wisdom and modern psychology.

It’s not just about tucking in some sheets and fluffing pillows. It’s about the human need for control, structure, and the kind of discipline that eventually leads to bigger accomplishments.

As a seasoned family therapist, I’ve come to see this idea as a brilliant metaphor for life—and believe me, I’ve heard enough chaos and emotional bedlam over the years to know a good metaphor when I see one.

The Psychology Behind the Bed

First, let’s talk about the power of small habits. Making your bed is a basic, concrete action. It takes a minute or two, but in that moment, you’ve exercised your agency. You’ve told yourself, “I can shape my environment.” This taps into the theory of "keystone habits," popularized by Charles Duhigg in The Power of Habit.

These are small, foundational actions that, once implemented, cascade into larger positive behaviors. By mastering this small act first thing in the morning, you’re not just tidying up; you’re setting the stage for a mindset of achievement.

It’s the same principle we use in therapy: start with manageable tasks.

If a client is overwhelmed by the emotional equivalent of a laundry mountain—let’s say, a family that’s been strained by years of unspoken resentment—we don’t dive straight into the deepest, most tangled issues. Instead, we start with small, actionable steps. We might work on how they communicate about who’s doing the dishes, not the existential weight of “Where did our love and positivity go?”

Chaos vs. Control

The bed, much like life itself, represents two forces in constant tension: chaos and control.

On most days, we wake up facing the unpredictable.

Will today be the day your child’s teacher calls with another complaint?

Will your spouse come home stressed and looking to offload their frustrations about work? These are things we can’t control, and as a therapist, I see so many people struggle with this fundamental truth. But—and here’s the kicker—you can control what happens in your immediate environment. You can make the bed.

Making your bed is an act of defiance against chaos.

It’s like drawing a line in the sand and saying, “No matter what happens today, I can claim victory over this small piece of my life.”

Psychologically, this taps into the human need for agency—the belief that we have the power to affect outcomes. When people feel helpless, it leads to what we call learned helplessness, a term coined by psychologist Martin Seligman. If your day starts with a win, no matter how small, you’re less likely to spiral into that helpless mindset later when bigger challenges inevitably arise.

Symbolism in Simplicity

Let’s dive into the symbolism here.

The bed represents your inner world, your emotional and mental state.

It’s where you sleep, dream, and process the events of the day. When it’s in disarray, it reflects a kind of inner turmoil or neglect.

When it’s neat and orderly, it suggests you’ve taken the time to care for yourself, even in a small way. In therapy, we often talk about externalizing internal states. Cleaning your home, decluttering your workspace, or yes, making your bed, can have a profound effect on your mental health.

This is called behavioral activation, a concept we use with clients struggling with depression, which suggests that taking action—however small—can lift your mood and give you a sense of accomplishment.

As an old male therapist, I can’t help but chuckle when I think of how many times I’ve seen clients overlook the importance of these small actions. It’s easy to focus on the big existential questions—“What’s the meaning of my life?” or “How can I fix my life trajectory?”—but the answer, more often than not, lies in the micro-decisions we make every day. If you can’t make your bed, how can you tackle the messiness of your career or your relationship?

Setting the Tone for Bigger Challenges

Making your bed in the morning also taps into the principle of momentum. In therapy, we call this a “behavioral chain”.

One positive action leads to another, which leads to another, and before you know it, you’re not only getting through the day, you’re thriving.

James Clear, in Atomic Habits, describes how tiny changes, when repeated consistently, lead to significant improvements. He argues that “small habits make a big difference” because they become automatic over time. So, while it may seem trivial, making your bed is the first step in building a foundation of discipline, which, let’s face it, you’ll need when life throws the proverbial curveballs.

And here’s where it gets even deeper: making your bed symbolizes mastery over yourself.

Taking over the world—or achieving any large goal—is ultimately about controlling your impulses, habits, and emotions. It’s about self-regulation.

Can you keep going when things get tough?

Can you tackle the big stuff while keeping the small stuff under control?

Can you maintain a sense of order in the midst of chaos? The simple act of making your bed is a powerful reminder that, no matter how unpredictable life becomes, you have the ability to manage the part of it that is within your control. There’s even a book about it!

Admiral William H. McRaven wrote a book titled Make Your Bed: Little Things That Can Change Your Life... And Maybe the World. It originated from his widely popular commencement speech at the University of Texas in 2014, where he shared ten life lessons from his experiences in Navy SEAL training.

The core message of the book is that small habits, like making your bed every morning, can create a sense of accomplishment, set the tone for the day, and build a foundation for bigger life changes.

Overview and Themes

McRaven emphasizes how small actions can lead to larger successes. The advice in the book revolves around discipline, perseverance, and resilience, with each chapter offering a life lesson tied to experiences from his military career. For example, he talks about embracing failure, taking risks, standing up to bullies, and being ready to face life’s unpredictable challenges.

The simplicity of the book’s concept—start your day by making your bed—is symbolic of how routine and discipline can create a sense of order amidst chaos. McRaven argues that if you make your bed each morning, you've already achieved something, no matter what happens next.

Review and Critique

Make Your Bed is praised for its brevity and directness, making it an accessible and inspirational read for people of all ages. Its focus on personal responsibility and mental resilience resonates with readers looking for straightforward, actionable advice on how to improve their lives. The book is structured in a way that each chapter contains a meaningful takeaway, making it easy to revisit for quick inspiration.

Critics, however, sometimes argue that the advice, while sound, can feel simplistic or repetitive, especially for those already familiar with motivational or self-help literature. The military background also shapes much of the advice, which might not resonate with all readers.

Wisdom for the Ages

So, the next time someone tells you to “make your bed before you take over the world,” don’t roll your eyes.

There’s a reason this advice has stuck around for so long.

It’s practical, psychological, and dare I say, spiritual. It’s about taking ownership of your space, your habits, and ultimately, your life. As a therapist, I’ve seen too many people overlook the power of small, deliberate actions in favor of chasing big, elusive goals. Start small. Master your environment. And then—only then—will you be ready to take on the world.

And if you’re still not convinced, just remember this: no one ever conquered the world with a messy bed.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

McRaven, W. H. (2017). Make Your Bed: Little Things That Can Change Your Life... And Maybe the World. Grand Central Publishing.