Loving someone with Avoidant Attachment…
Monday, May 13, 2024.
Research into attachment style compatibility highlights the most challenging combination for personal relationships, revealing that the Anxious and Avoidant Attachment Styles are the least compatible.
Avoidant folks typically avoid getting too attached to their partners, with approximately one in four folks exhibiting this attachment style.
Conversely, those with an Anxious Attachment Style experience fluctuating feelings about the relationship, often clinging to their partners compulsively.
About one in five partners display this Anxious Attachment Style…
The impact of these attachment styles on behavior is profound.
Anxious humans tend to react by excessively clinging to their partners and caring for them compulsively, whereas avoidant types react by evading intimacy and connection.
This behavior aligns with the belief that it is better not to have a relationship than to have one and risk losing it. Consequently, these humans often face challenges in the realm of intimacy.
How the study was conducted
A study conducted in Spain surveyed 211 participants to determine their attachment styles. Attachment styles are instrumental in understanding how individuals respond to threats and issues within their relationships.
Dr. Javier Gómez Zapiain, the study's lead author, noted the significance of understanding how affection styles combine within a relationship. He highlighted that the most challenging combination occurs when one partner is anxious and the other is avoidant, often leading to the couple seeking help or even breaking up.
The study's results indicated that humans who felt secure in their attachment style had the most successful relationships, finding it easy to give and receive affection.
In contrast, those with Anxious and Avoidant Attachment styles struggled the most. Insecure folks with an Anxious-Ambivalent Attachment style tended to be compulsive in their caregiving.
In contrast, those with an Avoidant Attachment Style were more controlling and conflicted in their sexual desires.
Dr. Gómez Zapiain emphasized the importance of flexibility in supporting one's partner.
Each partner should be able to provide support when the other is feeling down and express their own need for support during times of anxiety. I can help with that.
The study, published in the journal Anales de Psicología (Gómez Zapiain et al., 2011), underscores the critical role of attachment styles in shaping relationship dynamics and the importance of understanding and addressing these styles for healthier relationships.
Final thoughts
While this study doesn’t necessarily explore new ground, once again, I find myself protesting the language of “worst.”
Humans have a less-than-secure attachment style because they drew a bad parental hand. Whether anxious or avoidantly attached, they deserve our empathy and goodwill. While this sort of research is helpful, how we talk and write about it matters.
Some would continue to have us consign attachment styles to a hierarchical assessment of “best” and “worse.”
It’s cruel, capricious, and profoundly unnecessary. We can do better describing these relational vulnerabilities.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
RESEARCH:
Gómez Zapiain, J., Ortiz, M. J., & Gómez Lope, J. (2011). Experiencia sexual, estilos de apego y tipos de cuidados en las relaciones de pareja. Anales de Psicología / Annals of Psychology, 27(2), 447–456. Recuperado a partir de https://revistas.um.es/analesps/article/view/123081
