Love in the Time of Instagram: How Unmet Needs in Relationships Fuel Social Media Addiction and Phubbing
Wednesday, January 22, 2025.
You know that moment when your partner is scrolling Instagram while you’re pouring your heart out about your day?
That’s phubbing—the soul-crushing act of snubbing someone in favor of your smartphone. A new study published in Frontiers in Psychology suggests that this all-too-common behavior isn’t just an annoying quirk of modern life; it’s deeply connected to unmet psychological needs in relationships.
And here’s the kicker: it’s creating a vicious cycle that’s dragging intimate relationships straight into the digital abyss.
Let’s break it down, shall we?
Turns out, when your partner isn’t feeling the love—or the freedom, or the sense of power—they might just turn to social media for comfort. And once they’re glued to their phone, the relationship satisfaction nosedives, leading to even more screen time and even less face-to-face connection. It’s like an endless doom-scroll, but for your love life.
Why Relationships Need More Than Just Netflix and Chill
Relationships aren’t just about dinner dates and debating whose turn it is to take out the trash. They’re supposed to meet our basic psychological needs: love and belonging (feeling connected), freedom (having personal space), power (feeling valued and respected), and even fun (laughing at terrible TikToks together).
The study’s authors, Hüseyin Buğra Karaman and Coşkun Arslan from Necmettin Erbakan University in Türkiye, took a closer look at what happens when these needs go unmet. Spoiler alert: it’s not great. Drawing on William Glasser’s Choice Theory—which basically says unmet needs can lead to bad habits like negative addictions—they hypothesized that social media addiction and phubbing are modern-day coping mechanisms for relationship dissatisfaction.
The Study: Young Love Meets Screen Time
To test their theory, the researchers surveyed 958 university students in Türkiye, aged 17 to 29. These weren’t just random singles swiping on Tinder; the participants were either currently in relationships or had been in one before. They completed questionnaires measuring:
Satisfaction of basic psychological needs in their relationships.
Social media addiction (how glued they were to their phones).
Phubbing behaviors (how often they ignored their partner in favor of a smartphone).
Relationship satisfaction (whether their love life felt like a rom-com or a tragedy)
The results? A perfect storm of unmet needs, obsessive scrolling, and ignored conversations.
The Vicious Cycle of Phubbing and Social Media Addiction
Here’s what the researchers found:
Unmet Needs = More Screen Time
When participants’ psychological needs weren’t being met—like feeling unloved or unheard—they were more likely to turn to their phones. Love and belonging? Neglected. Freedom? Suffocated. Power? Totally diminished. And what did they do? Scroll Instagram or watch TikToks instead of addressing the root problem.Phubbing and Social Media Addiction Are BFFs
Phubbing and social media addiction were like peanut butter and jelly—they went hand in hand. People who couldn’t put their phones down during conversations were also the ones most likely to be addicted to social media.Relationship Satisfaction Takes a Hit
Unsurprisingly, phubbing and social media addiction weren’t exactly love’s greatest hits. Both were strongly linked to lower relationship satisfaction. Because, let’s face it, nothing screams "healthy partnership" like being ignored for someone’s Twitter feed.Phubbing and Social Media Addiction: The Mediators
Phubbing wasn’t just a standalone annoyance—it was the middleman between unmet psychological needs and social media addiction. Similarly, social media addiction mediated the link between phubbing and lower relationship satisfaction, creating a cycle of unmet needs fueling bad behaviors, which then damaged the relationship further.
Is It All TikTok’s Fault?
Okay, maybe not just TikTok.
The study stops short of blaming specific apps, but it’s clear that our smartphone-obsessed culture isn’t doing relationships any favors. Hüseyin Buğra Karaman sums it up perfectly: “The individuals we are in romantic relationships with contribute to the satisfaction of our basic psychological needs. When this satisfaction is not achieved, negative addictions such as social media addiction or behaviors such as phubbing may occur.” Translation? When your partner isn’t giving you what you need, the dopamine hit from Instagram likes starts looking pretty good.
Limitations: Don’t Throw Your Phone Just Yet
Before you start staging a tech intervention for your partner, it’s worth noting the study’s limitations. The sample was primarily young adults in Türkiye, so it’s unclear how this plays out in older couples or different cultural contexts. Plus, the study was cross-sectional, meaning it’s more about correlations than causation. Does unmet need lead to phubbing, or does phubbing create unmet needs? It’s a chicken-or-egg situation.
What Can We Do About It?
While the researchers didn’t offer a magic wand to fix your relationship woes, they hinted at potential solutions:
Get Back to Basics: Address those unmet needs. Talk about what makes each of you feel loved, respected, and free to be yourselves.
Put the Phone Down: Easier said than done, but maybe designate phone-free zones or times in your relationship. Dinner, anyone?
Therapeutic Interventions: Couples therapy or communication workshops could help partners reconnect and meet each other’s needs before social media becomes the third wheel.
Additional Research Worth Noting
Other studies back up the idea that smartphones are love’s ultimate buzzkill:
Roberts, J. A., & David, M. E. (2016). My life has become a major distraction from my cell phone: Partner phubbing and relationship satisfaction among romantic partners. Computers in Human Behavior, 54, 134–141.
Twenge, J. M., & Campbell, W. K. (2018). Associations between screen time and lower psychological well-being among children and adolescents: Evidence from a population-based study. Preventive Medicine Reports, 12, 271-283.
Final Thoughts: Love in the Age of Screens
Look, I get it—phones aren’t going anywhere.
But maybe the next time you’re tempted to doom-scroll during your partner’s heartfelt rant about their annoying coworker, pause.
Ask yourself: is TikTok really worth the fallout?
Relationships are hard enough without competing with a 24/7 digital distraction. Maybe, just maybe, the solution starts with putting the phone down and looking up—for love, for connection, and for a shot at getting your needs met without hashtags.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
RESOURCES::
Karaman, H. B., & Arslan, C. (2025). The mediating role of social media addiction and phubbing in basic psychological needs in relationships and relationship satisfaction. Frontiers in Psychology.
Roberts, J. A., & David, M. E. (2016). My life has become a major distraction from my cell phone: Partner phubbing and relationship satisfaction among romantic partners. Computers in Human Behavior, 54, 134–141.
Twenge, J. M., & Campbell, W. K. (2018). Associations between screen time and lower psychological well-being among children and adolescents: Evidence from a population-based study. Preventive Medicine Reports, 12, 271-283.