Love at first sight…finally some real science
Sunday, May 19, 2024.
Can You Really Fall in Love at First Sight?
Ever had that moment where your heart skips a beat, and you wonder, "Is this love at first sight?"
You're not alone.
A recent study shows that over 33% of singles have felt this sensation, with men being 10% more prone to it. But, as the honeymoon phase fades, managing this initial burst of emotion can be challenging.
The French Call It "Coup de Foudre"
The French phrase "coup de foudre" literally means a “lightning strike,” capturing the sudden and unexpected nature of love at first sight. This robust cultural trope is more than just a saying; it's a phenomenon many claim to experience.
Men Fall Faster
A study published in The Journal of Social Psychology revealed that men typically report falling in love much faster than women. A staggering 41% of men, compared to only 29% of women, admitted to experiencing love at first sight. Another study by Naumann (2004) suggested that 60% of people have experienced this sudden love.
This contradicts the common belief that women, being more emotional, fall in love more quickly. In fact, men seem to be quicker to declare love at first sight.
“To make an absolute, unconditional surrender to the woman, one loves is to break every bond save the desire not to lose her, which is the most terrible bond of all.” Henry Miller.
This quote underscores the powerful and consuming nature of love at first sight.
Love is a Basic Drive
Evolutionary psychologists suggest that men, being more visual, might be more prone to love at first sight.
Helen Fisher explains, “It’s a basic drive, like thirst and hunger. Food and water keep you alive today; romantic love leads to bonding, mating, and sending your DNA into tomorrow. Even other creatures experience instant attraction to one another. But cultural factors always play a role as well. If you’re ready and open to fall in love, then, boom — it’s natural.”
Limerence vs. Love at First Sight
John Gottman views limerence as the “first stage of love for many couples,” a phase characterized by intense, obsessive attachment and craving for reciprocity. However, love at first sight focuses on an immediate, profound attraction to another person.
Gottman may be right that many couples start with limerence, but not all do. Some couples feel an instant connection, possibly love at first sight, without experiencing limerence.
Researchers Have Tended to Ignore Love at First Sight
Historically, researchers have been more interested in measuring love at first sight than understanding it. The best research so far came from Florian Zsok and his team, who observed the phenomenon unfolding in real time. They asked nearly 400 men and women to complete surveys about their feelings for "attractive others" immediately after first meeting them.
Key Findings from Zsok's Research:
Men are more prone to experiencing love at first sight than women. Zsok declined to speculate why, but suggested that men are more visual, while women might be more discriminating.
You’re likelier to fall in love at first sight with attractive others. An increase in attractiveness resulted in a 9-fold increase in reported love at first sight.
Love at first sight typically isn’t mutual. Despite what movies portray, a shared sense of instant love is rare. It's usually a solitary lightning bolt.
Is Love at First Sight Real?
Some argue that Zsok’s work confirms what we already knew: love at first sight is a common human experience. Zsok concluded that it’s actually a powerful attraction, making some people feel instantly more open to the possibilities of a relationship. Love at first sight can happen multiple times or never at all.
How Do We Measure Love?
Neuroscientist Dr. Steph Cacioppo, director of the Brain Dynamics Lab at the University of Chicago Pritzker School of Medicine, focuses on the neurobiology of social emotions. She describes love as a complex psychological-emotional state involving chemistry, cognition, preference/rewarding mechanisms, and an intention to be with a significant other.
Cacioppo’s research suggests that the feeling of instantly falling in love starts as an unconscious process, followed by a powerful and consuming awareness. “Based on our findings on love, we hypothesize that falling in love could correspond to the awareness (consciousness) of being in love with someone. So—the first part is subconscious, but the actual process of falling in love requires you to be aware of what’s happening.”
Final Thoughts
What’s fascinating about Zsok’s research is that his team observed "feelings of love" in real-time.
They found that love at first sight experiences lacked commitment, intimacy, and high passion but were strongly correlated with physical attractiveness.
Research suggests that what people report as love at first sight is more an unusually powerful form of attraction, opening the door for love to develop. So, while love at first sight may feel magical and instantaneous, it’s just the beginning of a journey that may or may not lead to lasting love.
Whether or not you believe in love at first sight, one thing is clear: it's a profoundly unpredictable visitor that can strike anyone, anywhere, at any time.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
RESEARCH:
Cacioppo S, Bolmont M, Monteleone G. Spatio-temporal dynamics of the mirror neuron system during social intentions. Soc Neurosci. 2018 12; 13(6):718-738. PMID: 29048247
Women and Men in Love: Who Really Feels It and Says It First? Marissa A. Harrison &Jennifer C. Shortall Pages 727-736 | Received 19 Apr 2010, Accepted 27 Jul 2010, Published online: 07 Oct 2011 Download citation https://doi.org/10.1080/00224545.2010.522626
Naumann, E. (2004). Love at first sight: The stories and science behind instant attraction. Sourcebooks, Inc.
Zsok, F., Haucke, M., De Wit, C. Y., & Barelds, D. P. (2017). What kind of love is love at first sight? An empirical investigation. Personal Relationships, 24, 869-885.
