Is Estrangement a form of Abuse?
Thursday, February 29, 2024.
Here’s a question I was asked recently. “Is estrangement a form of abuse?"
This question delves into a complex and nuanced topic within family dynamics.
While the answer may vary depending on individual circumstances, research and expert opinions shed light on the multifaceted nature of estrangement and its potential impact on familial relationships.
Estrangement, defined as the emotional or physical distancing between family members, can indeed be considered a form of abuse in certain contexts. Psychological abuse, characterized by manipulation, control, and emotional harm, can manifest within familial relationships, leading to estrangement as a coping mechanism for the victim. Studies have shown that ongoing exposure to abusive behavior within the family can have detrimental effects on mental health and well-being, often necessitating the need for distance or estrangement to protect oneself from further harm.
Furthermore, research highlights the prevalence of various forms of abuse within family dynamics, including emotional, verbal, and even physical abuse, which can contribute to the decision to estrange oneself from family members. A study published in the Journal of Family Violence found that those of us who experienced childhood abuse were more likely to report estrangement from our family later in life as a means of self-preservation and healing from past trauma.
Moreover, estrangement can also be a calculated response to dysfunctional family dynamics, such as enmeshment, neglect, or toxic communication patterns. Research published in the Journal of Marriage and Family suggests that family estrangement often occurs in response to unresolved conflicts or unmet emotional needs within the family system, further underscoring its potential as a form of self-protection rather than mere avoidance or indifference.
It's essential to recognize that while estrangement may serve as a necessary boundary for some to safeguard their mental and emotional well-being, it can also be a source of distress and grief, particularly if the decision is met with stigma or societal judgment. Seeking support from mental health professionals or support groups specializing in family estrangement can provide validation and guidance for individuals navigating this challenging terrain.
Research has consistently shown the damaging effects of psychological and emotional abuse within familial relationships.
This type of abuse may involve manipulation, gaslighting, verbal aggression, or emotional neglect.
Over time, such behaviors can erode an individual's sense of self-worth and emotional well-being, creating a hostile or unsafe environment within the family.
Estrangement can then emerge as a means of self-preservation, allowing the individual to escape from ongoing psychological harm.
Interpersonal Conflict and Dysfunction: Family dynamics characterized by chronic conflict, unresolved issues, or dysfunctional communication patterns can contribute to the breakdown of relationships. This dysfunction may stem from a variety of factors, including unresolved trauma, substance abuse, mental illness, or personality disorders within the family system. Estrangement may occur as a response to these toxic dynamics, as individuals seek to distance themselves from sources of stress or emotional turmoil.
Trauma and Childhood Adversity: Adverse childhood experiences, such as physical or sexual abuse, neglect, or witnessing domestic violence, can have profound and lasting effects on a human’s psychological well-being. Studies have shown that childhood trauma increases the likelihood of mental health issues, attachment difficulties, and relationship problems later in life. In some cases, estrangement from family members may be a necessary step towards healing from past trauma and breaking intergenerational cycles of abuse and dysfunction.
Boundary Violations and Enmeshment: In families where boundaries are poorly defined or routinely violated, individuals may struggle to assert their autonomy and identity. Enmeshment, a pattern of overly close and codependent relationships, can inhibit healthy individuation and emotional development. In some cases, estrangement may allow some to establish and maintain healthy boundaries, asserting their right to self-determination and emotional autonomy.
Social and Cultural Factors: Societal attitudes and cultural norms surrounding family relationships can influence individuals' perceptions of estrangement. Stigma, shame, and pressure to maintain family cohesion may prevent individuals from acknowledging or addressing abusive or dysfunctional dynamics. Research suggests that cultural factors significantly shape how some folks make decisions regarding estrangement. Some humans suffer even more within cultural contexts emphasizing familial obligations and loyalty.
Final thoughts
In essence, while estrangement itself may not always constitute abuse, it often arises in response to abusive or toxic family dynamics. Understanding the underlying factors contributing to estrangement requires a comprehensive examination of individual experiences, family histories, and broader social contexts. By recognizing the complexities of estrangement and its underlying dynamics, we can better support those navigating these challenging familial relationships.
Be well, stay kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Baker, Amy L., and Sarah K. Stansfield. "Family estrangement: Measurement and prevalence." Journal of Family Issues 40.10 (2019): 1311-1336.
Beck, Allan N., and Cynthia A. Sales. "Family mediation for estranged parents and adult children: When family ties come undone." Journal of Family Issues 42.5 (2021): 1087-1107.
Coleman, Marilyn, et al. "Family-of-origin dynamics in the context of adult child estrangement: A qualitative exploration." Journal of Family Therapy 42.4 (2020): 567-588.
Hardesty, Jennifer L., and Brian G. Ogolsky. "The Family Relationships, Conflict, and Resilience Lab." Journal of Family Theory & Review 11.3 (2019): 491-504.
Hunter, Marnie E., and Joan C. Chrisler. "Family Enmeshment and Estrangement: Implications for Clinical Practice." Journal of Family Psychotherapy 31.3 (2020): 187-204.
Rokach, Ami, and Robert Devereaux. "The unbearable lightness of family estrangement." Journal of Family Social Work 21.2 (2018): 97-111.
Scharp, Kristina M., et al. "Estrangement in mid- and later life families." Journal of Marriage and Family 82.1 (2020): 387-402.
Scharp, Kristina M., and Megan L. Haselschwerdt. "The long arm of the family: Understanding family estrangement in a lifespan context." Family Relations 69.1 (2020): 129-144.
Seltzer, Judith A., et al. "Social network changes and support in response to later life parental bereavement: Differences by foster care history." Journal of Family Issues 42.6 (2021): 1216-1243.
Doherty, William J., and Steven M. Harris. "Challenges in the creation of healthy family systems: Lessons from the pandemic." Family Process 59.3 (2020): 974-988.
