How long does it take recover your self-esteem from a break-up?

Saturday, December 23, 2023.

Recent research from Germany suggests that while breakups are painful, most humans recover, and even gain some strength from the ordeal.

The researchers found that self-esteem takes about one year or so to recover from a relationship breakup.

Curiously, It didn’t seem to matter if the human remained single or not in this period, it still took the same amount of time for their self-esteem to flower once more.

However, while breakups are painful, because most humans bounce back and even gain some strength from them, the study’s authors write:

“Even though relationship break-ups are painful, people tend to recover from them and move on.

Especially in adolescence and young adulthood, when individuals are dating, have their first romantic relationship, try different types of relationships, and search the right partner to spend their life with, relationship breakups are not unusual and, thus, normative.

…individuals tend to report positive changes after experiencing relationship break-up, such as gaining inner strength and maturity, and report having learned important lessons that will be useful in future relationships.”

How the study was conducted

The conclusions come from over 9,000 German adults who were followed for three years.

• The results showed that it was the breakups of long-term relationships (that had lasted more than 1 year) are particularly damaging to one’s self-esteem.

• Subsequently starting a new relationship produced an uptick in self-esteem… as long as the new relationship endures.

• However, shorter relationships — those lasting less than a year — tended to lower a human’s self-esteem.

Recovery from a breakup took around one year, the authors write:

“…the decrease in self-esteem after a relationship break-up is only temporary and that the person’s self-esteem is recovered already one year later.

Thus, although research on many psychological phenomena suggests that “bad is stronger than good” —that is, the effects of negative events, negative interactions, and negative emotions are often stronger than the effects of positive events, positive interactions, and positive emotions—in the present research the effect of beginning a relationship (i.e., a positive transition) was more sustained than the effect of relationship break-up (i.e., a negative transition).”

The Germans seem to bounce back from romantic disappointments, with great resilience. I wonder if we’re seeing a form of cultural mental toughness in relationships, or a universal truth? What do you think?

Be well, stay kind, and Godspeed.

RESEARCH:

Luciano, E. C., & Orth, U. (2017). Transitions in romantic relationships and development of self-esteem. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 112(2), 307–328. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspp0000109