How fear of judgement impedes human intimacy…

Thursday, February 1, 2024.

Here’s something new we’ve learned about most human beings…

While it’s well known that humans tend to fear feeling judged when confiding in other humans… this fear is exaggerated, according to breaking research…

The researchers discovered that revealing secrets encouraged other humans to perceive the revealers as more honest and trustworthy.

• In addition, when humans are advised they will not be judged harshly, they are much more likely to reveal their secrets.

Dr. Amit Kumar, study co-author, said:

“When we’re thinking about conveying negative information about ourselves, we’re focused on the content of the message.

But the recipients are thinking about the positive traits required to reveal this secret, such as trust, honesty, and vulnerability.”

How the study was conducted

The researchers conducted 12 separate experiments to explore this human dynamic.

The study involved disclosing secrets to strangers, acquaintances, friends, family, and partners, all had similar, affirmative outcomes.

Dr. Kumar said:

“Their expectations were slightly more accurate for close others, but they were still systematically miscalibrated, even for the closest people in their lives.”

Human expectations naturally influenced whether they disclosed or hid information.

The study subjects anticipated being judged harshly while revealing their secrets, but they received more positive reactions than they had expected. As the father of Radical Honesty, Dr. Brad Blanton once quipped. “Honesty works pretty good most of the time.”

• The humans who revealed secrets consistently overestimated negative judgments, even with serious secrets.

• Study participants who revealed secrets, experienced more positive reactions from listeners than they had expected.

Dr. Kumar also said:

“The magnitude of what you’re revealing can impact people’s evaluations, but it also impacts your expectations of those evaluations.”

• Remember they went at this in a dozen different ways. For example, in one particular experiment, the study subjects were informed that humans tend to exaggerate how negatively others perceive revelations.

• This knowledge led to a shift in the mind of the study subjects, making them more inclined to be transparent.

• When asked to admit to lying, only 56% confessed in the control group.

• However, in another group reassured they would not face any severe judgment, 92% decided to reveal their lies!

Discovering that negative disclosures were not as harsh as expected prompted participants to embrace openness…

When humans were reassured they would not be judged harshly, more of the study subjects decided to admit to lying.

Reducing the mental onus of secrecy might encourage more transparency and openness in relationships.

Dr. Kumar points a fine point on it:

“There’s a psychological burden associated with secrecy.

If we can alter people’s expectations to make them more in line with reality, they might be more transparent in their relationships.”

Building emotional muscle by bench-pressing trust…

I admire Esther Perel for examining emotional dynamics in the workplace.

As for this research, the study’s insights could also improve workplace culture.

Understanding how transparency affects perceptions of warmth, trust, and honesty is also crucial in workplace dynamics. I sincerely hope that this approach eclipses the mind-reading which passes for workplace empathy these days.

Openness about negative information could enhance trust and relationships in professional settings.

Dr. Kumar, for the last word…

“Any comprehensive understanding of how to navigate the workplace includes a better understanding of how people think, feel, and behave.

When workplace transgressions arise, people could be wise to consider that they also reveal warmth, trust, and honesty when they are open and transparent about revealing negative information.”

Be well, stay kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Kardas, M., Kumar, A., & Epley, N. (2023). Let it go: How exaggerating the reputational costs of revealing negative information encourages secrecy in relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspi0000441