Love’s Grand Larceny: How Dominance and Prestige Turn Mate Poaching into an Art Form
Saturday, February 22 2025.
In a world where romance sometimes feels less like a candlelit dinner and more like a mischievous caper, new research suggests that your personality might just determine whether you’re the flamboyant burglar or the debonair safecracker of hearts.
Conlon (2025) recently unveiled findings in Evolutionary Psychological Science that shed light on how self-perceived dominance and prestige influence the tactics of mate poaching—that is, the audacious attempt to steal someone from an existing relationship.
The Heist: Dominance Versus Prestige
Imagine two rival heist crews operating in the realm of love.
On one side, we have the dominance-oriented types. These are the folks who, armed with a raucous laugh and a “take-charge” attitude, use a cocktail of tactics ranging from clever humor to downright derision of the target’s current partner.
Their strategy?
To make an impression so forceful it leaves little room for subtlety—akin to a bulldozer crashing through a picket fence (Conlon, 2025). As Buss (1989) famously posited, aggressive pursuit in mating can sometimes pay off, though not without its risks.
In contrast, the prestige-oriented folks prefer a more refined approach.
Think of them as suave secret agents slipping through the cracks: they deploy charm, generosity, and well-timed humor to woo their targets.
Their methods are less about brute force and more about seduction with a touch of class.
While these folks are often seen as desirable and are frequently targeted, they tend to resist being swayed from their current relationships—a testament to their selective, almost diplomatic style of mate guarding (Meston & Buss, 2007; Conlon, 2025).
The Mechanics of a Romantic Heist
Conlon’s study involved 559 undergraduate students from an East Texas university—a lively group of mostly 19-year-olds navigating the labyrinth of modern dating. Participants completed several online questionnaires, including the Dominance-Prestige Scales and an Anonymous Romantic Attraction Survey.
They were even asked to reflect on 51 different mate poaching tactics ranging from the charming ("using humor") to the downright devious ("derogating one’s current partner"). The study’s design, with its mix of self-reported data and a diverse array of tactics, paints a vivid picture of the multifaceted strategies at play.
This research echoes earlier findings that suggest personality can significantly color the way people approach relationships (Buss, 1989; Jonason et al., 2009).
However, Conlon’s work adds a layer of nuance by showing that while dominance may lead to an all-out assault on a target’s current bond, prestige yields a subtler, albeit equally calculated, approach.
Gender, Larceny, and the Comedy of Errors
The study also found that men tended to lean more heavily toward dominance in their approach, employing tactics such as “waiting around” and “occupying the desired partner’s time” more frequently than women.
It seems that, in the grand theater of mate poaching, some male undergraduates view romantic larceny as an extreme sport—albeit one where the stakes are as high as a heart on the line (Conlon, 2025).
This aligns with traditional evolutionary perspectives, which have long noted that men often adopt more overt strategies in mating contexts (Buss, 1989).
Yet, while the dominant approach might yield quick wins, it’s not without its pitfalls.
Jonason et al. (2009) caution that aggressive tactics might offer short-term success but could lead to long-term relational costs—a reminder that even in matters of the heart, there’s no such thing as a free lunch.
The contrasting, more measured approach of prestige-oriented partners might not always capture the moment, but it often secures a more stable footing in the aftermath.
Beyond the Heist: Limitations and Future Directions
No study is without its quirks.
Conlon’s research, relying on self-reported data from primarily young, White, non-Hispanic undergraduates, might have left out some of the more colorful or, dare we say, incriminating details of mate poaching escapades.
Social desirability bias is a real-life nemesis in any study of romantic misadventures.
Moreover, as pointed out by other scholars (e.g., Meston & Buss, 2007), a broader sample that includes a wider age range and more diverse backgrounds would help confirm—or contradict—these initial findings.
Looking forward, it would be intriguing to see how these dynamics play out when other personality dimensions come into play, such as traits from the Dark Triad.
Future research might explore whether a dash of narcissism or psychopathy further spices up the recipe for successful (or disastrously unsuccessful) mate poaching (Jonason et al., 2009).
Final thoughts
Whether you’re the audacious dominant or the elegant prestige type, the art of mate poaching appears to be a complex dance—a high-stakes game of love that’s as full of humor as it is of risk.
Conlon’s (2025) study, with its tongue-in-cheek approach to a serious subject, reminds us that the strategies we deploy in the pursuit of love are as varied as they are fascinating. After all, in the grand heist of romance, every heart is both a prize and a puzzle.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Buss, D. M. (1989). Sex differences in human mate preferences: Evolutionary hypotheses tested in 37 cultures. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 12(1), 1–49.
Conlon, K. E. (2025). You stole my heart: Mate poaching tactics of dominance- and prestige-oriented individuals.Evolutionary Psychological Science.
Jonason, P. K., Li, N. P., Webster, G. D., & Schmitt, D. P. (2009). The Dark Triad: Facilitating a short-term mating strategy in men. European Journal of Personality, 23(1), 5–18.
Meston, C. M., & Buss, D. M. (2007). Why humans have sex. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 36(4), 477–507.