Mind the Gap: The Surprising Evolution of Romantic Age Preferences
Friday, January 31, 2025.
Romance is a fickle beast—what seems like a dreamy match at 25 might look very different at 65.
A new study published in Personal Relationships sheds light on the fascinating evolution of age gaps in romantic relationships, proving once again that love is as much a shifting social construct as it is a timeless mystery.
The research, spanning data from 29 countries, reveals a consistent trend: as men age, they are increasingly likely to pair up with younger partners.
Women, meanwhile, follow a subtler trajectory, initially favoring slightly older men before eventually prioritizing companionship and shared life experience over traditional age norms.
But before older men start congratulating themselves for their ever-widening dating pool, let’s take a closer look. As the old adage warns: Be careful what you wish for. A relationship with a younger partner might seem like a golden ticket, but research suggests it can come with unexpected trade-offs.
Love, Age, and the Great Expectations Game
The idea that men prefer younger women while women favor slightly older men is not exactly breaking news.
Evolutionary psychologists have long argued that men’s attraction to youth is linked to reproductive viability, while women’s preference for older men reflects an instinct for financial security and stability (Buss, 1989).
But as Gottfried and colleagues (2024) show, this classic script gets rewritten as people move through different life stages.
For men, the trend is particularly stark: younger men tend to date partners about three years younger. But as they age, their partners get progressively younger, leading to some eyebrow-raising gaps by the time they hit retirement age.
Women, in contrast, start off dating slightly older men, but by age 60, they’ve largely abandoned that preference, often choosing partners their own age—or, if the dating market is unkind, embracing the joys of singlehood and wine nights with friends.
Of course, the why behind these trends is just as interesting as the numbers themselves. While some might assume that older men dating younger women is purely a matter of desire, the reality is more complex.
Social status, gender dynamics, and yes—practicality—all play a role. The same goes for women, who, as they age, increasingly opt for men their own age (or younger) in a likely bid to avoid becoming a caregiver to a frail spouse (David-Barrett et al., 2022).
Be Careful What You Wish For: The Age Gap Reality Check
For men who dream of a significantly younger partner, the reality may be far from the fantasy.
A study by Schwartz and Mare (2005) found that large age gaps correlate with lower relationship satisfaction and higher divorce rates.
That’s right—while dating someone younger might feel like winning the romance lottery, it often comes with mismatched life stages, diverging priorities, and, let’s be honest, an unavoidable cultural gap that can make conversations about music and pop culture a minefield.
For example, a 58-year-old man dating a 40-year-old woman might feel like he’s hit the jackpot—until she starts bringing up TikTok trends and early retirement plans in the same breath. Meanwhile, she might be less than thrilled when he starts talking about his knee replacement and the magic of fiber supplements.
On the flip side, women who opt for younger partners aren’t necessarily getting an easy ride either.
While younger men may be more energetic and adaptable, they may also be less financially stable, and societal attitudes toward women dating younger men are still far from egalitarian.
Despite progress, the “cougar” stereotype continues to cast a shadow over relationships where women are significantly older than their partners (Davis & Fingerman, 2018).
Aging, Romance, and the Shifting Dating Market
A crucial factor in these evolving preferences is the dating pool itself. As Gottfried et al. (2024) highlight, women live longer than men, which means that as they age, the available pool of older male partners shrinks dramatically.
This demographic reality likely contributes to the trend of older women dating men closer to their own age—or younger.
And let’s face it: after watching their mothers and grandmothers care for ailing husbands, many women over 60 may decide that a relationship with a spry, self-sufficient peer is far preferable to taking on yet another caregiving role.
Meanwhile, for older men, the widening age gap may be as much about availability as preference. If the pool of single women in their age group is small, younger partners may be their most viable option.
However, this doesn’t mean these relationships always thrive—large age gaps often mean significant differences in health, lifestyle, and future expectations, which can lead to tensions over time.
Final Thoughts: Love in the Age of Longevity
Romantic preferences are never set in stone, and this study adds another layer to our understanding of how they shift across the lifespan.
While evolutionary theories still hold some weight, the realities of modern dating—longer lifespans, changing gender roles, and the social implications of age-gap relationships—cannot be ignored.
So, what’s the takeaway?
If you’re an older man eyeing a much younger partner, it might be worth considering whether you’re ready to keep up with their pace of life (or their social media habits).
And if you’re a woman approaching 60 and wondering why your preference for older men has faded, you’re not alone—sometimes, age truly does bring wisdom.
At the end of the day, love is unpredictable, and relationships thrive when both partners share mutual respect, understanding, and a willingness to navigate life’s inevitable changes—knee replacements and all.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Buss, D. M. (1989). Sex differences in human mate preferences: Evolutionary hypotheses tested in 37 cultures. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 12(1), 1-49. https://doi.org/10.1017/S0140525X00023992
David-Barrett, T., Kertesz, J., Rotkirch, A., & Szekely, T. (2022). The shifting sands of age preference in romantic relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 39(3), 453-470. https://doi.org/10.1177/02654075211048791
Davis, E. M., & Fingerman, K. L. (2018). Digital love: Age, gender, and the evolution of romantic relationships in the digital era. Gerontologist, 58(2), 233-242. https://doi.org/10.1093/geront/gnw142
Gottfried, J., Ševčíková, A., Blinka, L., & South, A. L. (2024). Couples’ age discrepancies in a large-scale European sample: Evolutionary and sociocultural perspectives. Personal Relationships. https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12435
Schwartz, C. R., & Mare, R. D. (2005). Trends in educational assortative marriage from 1940 to 2003. Demography, 42(4), 621-646. https://doi.org/10.1353/dem.2005.0036