From Perfume to Pajamas: The Hilarious Evolution of Relationships
Tuesday, February 11, 2025.
Once upon a time, you were in love.
A new love. A glowing, radiant, teeth-whitened kind of love.
You went on dates. You dressed well. You smelled fantastic.
Your conversations were charming, effortless, and built on a mutual delusion that this polished, agreeable, magazine-ad version of you was real.
Fast forward a year.
You’re both in sweats.
One of you hasn’t showered.
The other is eating peanut butter out of the jar with their hands.
You no longer ask, “What are you thinking?” because the answer is, invariably, “Nothing.” This, dear reader, is the true test of love.
The Honeymoon Phase: A Glorious Lie
Ah, the honeymoon phase. A period of courtship where humans transform into their most tolerable, alluring selves. Evolution made it this way so people would procreate. It’s a scam.
During this phase, you pretend to love sushi. You laugh at their jokes. You feign interest in their weird hobby—maybe it’s birdwatching, maybe it’s cryptocurrency, maybe it’s birdwatching in cryptocurrency.
Your texts are endless. Your dates are magical. Your body is regularly exfoliated. You think: This will never change. You are a fool.
The Comfort Phase: Love in Sweatpants
Then one day, the illusion fades.
You witness your partner eating an entire pizza in one sitting.
You realize they have the exact same five anecdotes they rotate in conversation. You hear them burp and they don’t even apologize.
You, too, evolve.
You stop holding in your stomach.
You start saying things like, "We need more toilet paper," as foreplay. You show each other memes instead of having conversations.
This is love. Real love.
Why the Internet Loves This Transition
Social media has given us many precious gifts— the compulsion to take pictures of our food, distrust in democracy, and, perhaps most importantly, memes that confirm our relationships are not uniquely ridiculous.
Scrolling through relationship memes, you recognize yourself. The captions tell the truth:
"Dating: I brought you flowers! Marriage: I brought you Tums."
"First date: We both ordered salad. Three years in: We’re splitting an entire cheesecake and neither of us is wearing pants."
"Relationship status: We’re arguing over whether to pause the show while the other one pees."
These memes reassure us.
They whisper: Yes, you too have entered the strange, wonderful stage of love where you no longer need to impress each other.
The Secret to Staying in Love: Stop Trying So Hard
The real magic of long-term relationships isn’t in the early phase where everything is shiny and new.
It’s in the moment when you realize you don’t have to be perfect. It’s in the trust that comes from knowing someone has seen your worst and still wants to sit next to you on the couch.
So, the next time you look at your partner in their raggedy old college t-shirt, hair unkempt, snacking on cheese straight from the bag, take a deep breath and appreciate them.
Appreciate that you no longer need to pretend.
Appreciate that, in a world obsessed with first impressions, you have reached the sacred stage of No Impressions Needed.
And if you really love them, consider letting them eat their pizza in peace.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.