The “Divorce Glow-Up,” “Divorce Era,” and “Soft Launching the Divorce”: Navigating the Modern Landscape of Separation Memes
Thursday, October 17, 2024.
Divorce isn’t what it used to be.
Gone are the days when hushed whispers followed someone who decided to call it quits on their marriage.
Today, divorce has its own cultural moment, complete with social media hashtags, cheeky memes, and an entire vocabulary that makes it seem like more of a personal transformation than a life crisis.
From the “Divorce Glow-Up” to the idea of “Soft Launching the Divorce,” there’s an oddly hopeful narrative that frames divorce not as an ending, but as a fresh beginning.
But how much of this narrative is whistling in the dark, and what does the research really say about the emotional and psychological toll of ending a marriage?
Let’s explore the hopeful—but sometimes misleading—trends in the modern divorce narrative.
The “Divorce Glow-Up”: Reinventing Yourself After a Split
You’ve seen it on Instagram: a friend gets divorced and suddenly they’re sporting a new hairstyle, hitting the gym, and embarking on a yoga retreat in Bali.
It’s the phenomenon of the “Divorce Glow-Up”—a cheeky phrase that captures the physical, emotional, and sometimes spiritual renewal that follows the end of a marriage.
This narrative has gained popularity on social media, where posts about “finding yourself” after a split flood feeds with a sense of triumph and freedom.
But is there substance behind the glow-up?
Research suggests that divorce can indeed lead to positive changes for many people, though it’s not as effortless as a new hairdo might suggest.
A study by Sbarra and Emery (2005) found that while many folks experience intense distress following a divorce, a significant number report increased feelings of personal growth and self-discovery within two years.
This is part of a broader psychological phenomenon called post-traumatic growth (Calhoun & Tedeschi, 2006), where adversity leads to newfound strength and resilience.
However, before we put a crown on the idea of the “Divorce Glow-Up,” it’s worth noting that these transformations often come after a rocky adjustment period.
Research by Amato (2000) highlights that divorce is associated with a temporary decline in life satisfaction, self-esteem, and mental health.
The glow-up, then, is often more about reclaiming a sense of control after a period of feeling lost—a kind of cosmetic armor against deeper struggles. It’s a bit like whistling in the dark: a hopeful tune that masks a more uncertain emotional landscape.
The “Divorce Era”: A New Beginning or Cultural Narcissism?
When people say they’re entering their “Divorce Era,” they’re signaling a shift toward embracing their individuality and freedom.
This term has become a shorthand for reclaiming one’s identity after a long-term relationship, often with a celebratory flair. It’s a rallying cry for personal reinvention, akin to the “Eat, Pray, Love” mentality that swept through pop culture years ago.
But is the “Divorce Era” a genuine path to happiness, or just another way of glamorizing what remains a painful life transition?
Social science offers some insights here.
The rise of individualism in Western cultures has made the idea of divorce more palatable, positioning it as a path to self-fulfillment rather than a personal failing.
Studies like those by Twenge et al. (2004) have documented a growing emphasis on self-expression and autonomy, which has coincided with an increase in divorce rates, particularly among older adults—hence the trend of the “Grey Divorce.”
The cultural narrative that fuels the “Divorce Era” can, in some ways, be seen as a reflection of Cultural Narcissism. Christopher Lasch (1979) described Cultural Narcissism as a society that places immense value on personal achievement and self-realization.
In this light, the “Divorce Era” might be less about newfound freedom and more about framing divorce in a way that aligns with modern ideals of self-love and self-care. It’s an attempt to turn a painful process into a self-affirming journey, though it may not fully capture the emotional toll behind the scenes.
“Soft Launching the Divorce”: Redefining the Break-Up Announcement
If you’ve ever seen a friend’s Instagram page slowly shift from couple selfies to solo shots with captions like “focusing on me right now,” you’ve witnessed the art of “Soft Launching the Divorce.”
This term borrows from the concept of “soft-launching” a new relationship, where couples hint at being together without making an official announcement. In the divorce world, it’s the slow fade-out of relationship posts before the inevitable change in relationship status.
Why are people choosing this approach? It’s partly about control.
Research by LeFebvre et al. (2019) suggests that social media offers a new form of relationship management, where people can curate their public image even through transitions like breakups. By “soft-launching” a divorce, folks can ease their friends, family, and followers into the news without the emotional whiplash of a sudden announcement.
But there’s another reason people might choose this approach: it’s a buffer against vulnerability. Soft-launching a divorce allows people to maintain a sense of composure while they privately navigate the emotional upheaval of the split. It’s like putting up a cheerful facade while processing the more painful reality behind the scenes—yet another way to whistle in the dark.
The Realities Behind the Meme: What Research Reveals About Divorce
Beneath the cultural gloss of the “Divorce Glow-Up,” the “Divorce Era,” and “Soft Launching the Divorce,” the reality of divorce remains complex.
While social media narratives can provide a sense of camaraderie and empowerment, they may also oversimplify the emotional challenges of ending a relationship.
Research indicates that divorce can lead to both positive and negative outcomes, depending on factors like social support, financial stability, and personal resilience (Hetherington, 2002).
For some, these memes and narratives act as a bridge from a painful transition to a more hopeful future.
They allow people to claim a sense of agency in a process that often feels out of control. But for others, the cheerful posts and empowering hashtags might feel like pressure to “move on” before they’re ready.
So, are the hopeful narratives around divorce truly about resilience, or are they a way of masking deeper feelings of loss and grief? Both can be true. Like all major life changes, divorce is a mixed bag—sometimes you feel like you’re glowing up, and other times you’re just getting by.
In the end, the most important part of navigating divorce isn’t how you frame it on social media but how you process the experience behind the scenes.
Wrapping Up: Embrace the Journey, But Keep It Real
The memes of the “Divorce Glow-Up” and the “Divorce Era” may help lighten the emotional load, but they’re no substitute for genuine reflection and healing. Acknowledging the pain of divorce doesn’t make you any less strong or less capable of transforming your life afterward. It just means you’re human, navigating one of life’s messier experiences.
If you’re in the midst of your own divorce journey, take heart: you can embrace the glow-up without ignoring the shadows. And whether you’re posting your way through it or quietly processing, know that it’s okay to find both hope and hurt along the way.
Be Well, Stay kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Amato, P. R. (2000). The consequences of divorce for adults and children. Journal of Marriage and Family, 62(4), 1269-1287. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2000.01269.x
Calhoun, L. G., & Tedeschi, R. G. (2006). The foundations of posttraumatic growth: An expanded framework. In Handbook of posttraumatic growth (pp. 3-23). Lawrence Erlbaum Associates Publishers.
Hetherington, E. M. (2002). For better or for worse: Divorce reconsidered. W.W. Norton & Company.
LeFebvre, L., Blackburn, K., & Brody, N. (2019). Navigating romantic relationships on social media: A relational dialectics analysis of Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 36(8), 2553-2573. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407518799023
Lasch, C. (1979). The culture of narcissism: American life in an age of diminishing expectations. W.W. Norton & Company.
Sbarra, D. A., & Emery, R. E. (2005). The emotional sequelae of nonmarital relationship dissolution: Analysis of change and intraindividual variability over time. Personal Relationships, 12(2), 213-232. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1350-4126.2005.00112.x
Twenge, J. M., Campbell, W. K., & Freeman, E. C. (2004). Generational differences in young adults' life goals, concern for others, and civic orientation, 1966-2009. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 96(5), 1117. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0015047