DGAF Meets Mental Health Culture: When Self-Care Becomes Self-Exile
Wednesday, April 23, 2025
From Feelings to Filters
Let’s begin with the central irony of modern therapeutic culture: a society finally brave enough to talk about mental health… is also quietly teaching its citizens to detach, dissociate, and “guard their peace” like it’s the last bag of Hot Cheetos during a quarantine.
Mental health memes have gone mainstream. But what happens when “not giving a fuck” is marketed as a treatment plan?
We’ll call this phenomenon Therapeutic DGAF: a curated cocktail of boundaries, avoidance, trauma lingo, and the occasional side of serotonin.
The Emotional Rebrand: DGAF as Trauma Response
Here’s the new lexicon:
“I don’t chase, I attract”
(Translation: I’m terrified of being abandoned so I pretend rejection is a vibe mismatch.)“Protect your energy”
(Translation: I’m emotionally overclocked and every social interaction feels like an IRS audit.)“Not everyone deserves access to you”
(Sure. But also, no one’s calling. Have you considered why?)
Beneath these sayings lies unprocessed grief in a crop top. The DGAF stance has become a convenient cloak for emotional injury. And like all cloaks, it hides things: desire, hurt, longing, rage.
Thought Leaders of This Era
Brené Brown (with caveats)
Queen of vulnerability—but even she’s been memeified into a patron saint of strategic withdrawal.
Gabor Maté
Says “The body says no” when your soul’s been overextended. But TikTok distilled it into “cut off your mom.”
The Instagram Therapist Class of 2020–2023
They turned trauma theory into brunch conversation. Attachment styles became zodiac signs. And DGAF was suddenly “securely attached energy.”
DGAF as a Diagnostic Mirage
Here’s my clinical beef: many DGAF behaviors—ghosting, stonewalling, shutdowns, obsessive boundary-setting—mimic avoidant attachment and trauma-based dissociation. But the meme culture frames them as healthy, empowered choices.
This is not self-care. This is self-containment mistaken for healing.
“I’m not emotionally unavailable, I’m just not giving my energy to things that don’t serve me.”
You sure that’s not just a panic response in skinny jeans?
Emotional Minimalism: The New Asceticism
Minimalism used to mean getting rid of old IKEA furniture. Now it means reducing emotional labor to zero.
Enter emotional minimalism:
“I don’t do drama.”
“Low-maintenance or no maintenance.”
“If you can’t match my vibe, I’m out.”
It’s Buddhism, with Wi-Fi and unresolved childhood wounds.
But humans are attachment creatures. We leak. We need. The moment we actually stop caring, that’s not growth. That’s the early onset of psychological frostbite.
DGAF as a Trauma Mask: What the Research Says
Attachment theory reminds us:
People with avoidant attachment seem DGAF, but their nervous systems are on silent scream. They’ve just learned that not giving a fuck is safer than asking to be loved.
Dismissive-avoidant souls demonstrate high independence and low emotional expression, often confusing coping with healing.
— Mikulincer & Shaver (2007)
Trauma research tells us:
Chronic disconnection is a survival strategy, not a sign of enlightenment.
“Trauma compromises the ability to engage with others… creating a sense that one must not feel in order to be safe.”
— Van der Kolk (2014)
The Therapy Paradox
The irony is that science-based couples therapy often increases the amount of fucks given. It teaches partners to:
Reconnect with disowned parts of the self.
Risk telling the truth.
Care deeply—and survive the fallout.
So why is the dominant meme suggesting therapy is where you go to “not care about what anyone thinks”?
Because caring hurts. And our culture monetizes anesthetics. Limbic Capitalism.
Closing Warning Label
Here’s the thing. Not giving a fuck feels good—for a while. Like putting ice on a burn.
But numbness isn’t peace. And detachment isn’t transcendence.
It’s often the nervous system trying to survive a world that never said, “You’re allowed to feel that.”
So maybe the next revolution isn’t apathy.
Maybe it’s re-sensitization.
The unglamorous work of feeling things fully, awkwardly, and out loud.
Because the truth is, you probably still give a fuck.
And that’s not a flaw. That’s probably where your humanity still abides.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2007). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change. Guilford Press.
Van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.
Maté, G. (2022). The myth of normal: Trauma, illness, and healing in a toxic culture. Avery.
Brown, B. (2012). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. Gotham Books.