Bringing Baby Home: A Modest Antidote to American Cultural Narcissism
Tuesday, October 15, 2024.
Becoming a parent can be one of the most transformative, challenging, and rewarding experiences in life.
But in a culture that often prioritizes personal fulfillment and individual success over family life, the idea of having children can seem daunting—perhaps even unappealing.
Enter the Bringing Baby Home program, created by relationship experts Drs. John and Julie Gottman, as a solution to help couples navigate the transition to parenthood without losing their connection—or their sanity.
This evidence-based program offers a modest antidote to what has been termed American Cultural Narcissism, and it may also have a role to play in addressing the growing reluctance to have children and declining birthrates around the world.
What is the Bringing Baby Home Program?
The Bringing Baby Home program is a research-based workshop designed to help couples maintain a strong relationship as they transition from being a couple to being a family.
Created by the renowned relationship researchers John and Julie Gottman, the program equips couples with tools to manage the inevitable stress of having a newborn, enhance emotional intelligence, and strengthen the parent-child bond.
Unlike many parenting programs that focus primarily on child-rearing techniques, Bringing Baby Home emphasizes the importance of maintaining the couple’s relationship as the foundation for a healthy family life.
The Science Behind the Bringing Baby Home Program
The Gottmans’ extensive research into relationships shows that the arrival of a baby often triggers significant challenges for couples.
Studies indicate that 67% of couples experience a drop in relationship satisfaction after the birth of their first child (Shapiro & Gottman, 2005).
The reasons for this are varied—sleep deprivation, the stress of adjusting to new roles, and conflicts over parenting styles are just a few of the common issues that arise.
But here’s the good news: The Bringing Baby Home program is designed to help couples navigate these challenges by strengthening their communication, enhancing their emotional connection, and learning how to manage conflicts constructively.
This approach helps couples maintain relationship satisfaction even during the toughest times, such as the sleep-deprived haze of early parenthood.
American Cultural Narcissism and Parenthood
In today’s individualistic culture, personal fulfillment is often placed above communal or family-oriented goals.
We see this in the rise of social media culture, where success is measured by external validation—likes, shares, and followers—and where lifestyle choices are often driven by the pursuit of personal happiness.
This cultural shift has contributed to a growing reluctance to have children, as parenthood is perceived as a significant impediment to personal freedom and self-gratification. Children, frankly, are often perceived as expensive pets.
American Cultural Narcissism can manifest in a focus on individual achievement and a resistance to make the obvious and profound sacrifices that parenthood demands.
For many, children are viewed less as sources of joy and more as potential obstacles to career success, financial stability, or personal independence. This reluctance is reflected in declining birthrates across the United States and many other developed nations.
Declining Birthrates: A Global Concern
The issue of declining birthrates extends far beyond the borders of the United States.
In countries like Japan, South Korea, and much of Europe, birthrates have fallen to historically low levels. South Korea’s birthrate, for instance, has plummeted to just 0.78 children per woman, one of the lowest in the world (World Bank, 2022).
In these cultures, the economic and social pressures of raising a family—combined with the growing trend of choosing a child-free lifestyle—have led to a demographic crisis that threatens the future sustainability of entire societies. Yikes!
In the U.S., a recent survey by Pew Research (2021) found that 44% of non-parents under the age of 50 say they are not likely to have children, with financial concerns, lifestyle preferences, and the desire to preserve personal freedom cited as primary reasons.
How Bringing Baby Home Counters Cultural Narcissism
The Bringing Baby Home program offers a powerful counter-narrative to Cultural Narcissism by focusing on the emotional and relational fulfillment that comes with parenthood. It reframes the idea of having children not as a personal sacrifice, but as an opportunity for deeper connection, shared meaning, and family bonding.
Shifting Focus from “Me” to “We”: In a world where personal success is often the primary goal, Bringing Baby Home encourages couples to prioritize their relationship and their family over personal achievement. The program teaches couples to find joy in the shared purpose of parenting and to see the challenges of raising a child as opportunities to strengthen their partnership.
Emotional Intelligence Over External Validation: Modern culture often places a premium on material success and social validation, but the Bringing Baby Home program emphasizes the primacy of emotional intelligence. By teaching couples how to "emotion coach" their children (and each other), the program helps families build a foundation of empathy and emotional resilience, offering a deeper sense of fulfillment than external achievements ever could.
Valuing Family Over Fame: In the age of Instagram influencers and TikTok stars, it’s easy to get caught up in the pursuit of likes and shares. But the Bringing Baby Home program reminds couples that the most important connections are those within the family. Building a strong, emotionally connected relationship with your partner and your child brings far greater satisfaction than curating a perfect social media persona.
Addressing the Decline in Birthrates
While the Bringing Baby Home program can’t singlehandedly reverse declining birthrates, it also provides a valuable perspective for couples who may be on the fence about having more than one.
As a community of practice, we need to address the fears and challenges of parenthood with our clients head-on and offer practical tools to manage those challenges. This program makes the idea of starting a family feel more achievable—and less daunting.
Reducing Fear of the Unknown: One of the reasons many couples delay or avoid having children is the fear that it will strain their relationship or derail their personal lives. Bringing Baby Home helps couples feel more prepared for parenthood by giving them tools to communicate effectively, manage stress, and maintain intimacy, making the transition to parenthood smoother and more manageable.
Creating a Positive Narrative Around Parenthood: The program reframes parenthood as an enriching experience that strengthens relationships and provides a sense of shared purpose. Instead of viewing children as an obstacle to personal fulfillment, Bringing Baby Home encourages couples to see them as a source of joy, growth, and deeper connection.
Promoting Fair Division of Labor: Concerns about unequal parenting responsibilities are common among modern couples, particularly in dual-income households where both partners work. The Bringing Baby Home program emphasizes the importance of equitable sharing of parenting duties, reducing the likelihood of resentment and burnout.
The Importance of Humor and Playfulness
One of the best coping strategies for the chaos of early parenthood is humor.
Let’s be honest—babies are adorable, but they’re also irrational little creatures who will cry for hours because you gave them the wrong pacifier.
The ability to laugh at the absurdity of it all can help couples stay connected and reduce tension.
As John Gottman famously observed, happy couples are not the ones who never fight, but the ones who can find humor and playfulness even during stressful times. Whether it’s laughing about the mountain of dirty diapers or the fact that you’ve been wearing the same shirt for three days, humor can be a powerful tool for maintaining connection.
Bringing Baby Home Charts a Path to Relational Fulfillment
The Bringing Baby Home program is more than just a guide to surviving parenthood—it’s a pathway to deeper relational fulfillment.
In a culture that often values personal achievement over family connection, this program offers a refreshing perspective on the joys and rewards of parenthood.
The human experiment will thrive when we value emotional intelligence, strengthen our communication, and intentionally build a foundation of empathy and shared purpose.
Bringing Baby Home helps couples embrace parenthood as a transformative experience that enriches their relationship and their lives.
As birthrates continue to decline across much of the world, programs like Bringing Baby Home may play a small but significant role in helping couples feel more confident about starting families. Science is on our side.
Parenthood, while challenging, is ultimately one of the most fulfilling and rewarding experiences life has to offer—and with the right tools, couples can navigate the transition to parenthood with their relationship stronger than ever.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Bianchi, S. M., Sayer, L. C., Milkie, M. A., & Robinson, J. P. (2012). Housework: Who did, does or will do it, and how much does it matter? Social Forces, 91(1), 55–63.
Gottman, J. M., & Gottman, J. S. (2007). And baby makes three: The six-step plan for preserving marital intimacy and rekindling romance after baby arrives. Crown.
Gottman, J. M., & Gottman, J. S. (2015). 10 principles for doing effective couples therapy. W.W. Norton & Company.
Pew Research Center. (2021). Amid declining birthrates, more U.S. adults say they don’t plan to have children. Pew Research Center.
Shapiro, A. F., & Gottman, J. M. (2005). Effects on marriage of a psycho-communicative-educational intervention with expectant parents.