What does it mean to be Boysober?
Thursday, July 11, 2024.
"Boysober" is not just a trend; it might be a cultural shift.
Originating from the witty brain of Brooklyn-based comedian Hope Woodard, the term refers to a self-imposed hiatus from romantic and sexual relationships.
This break allows folks to detox from the emotional and psychological hangovers caused by toxic dating patterns and to re-center themselves.
Think of it as a romantic reset button, a chance to turn off the notifications from dating apps and tune into the rhythm of your own life.
Evolutionary Psychology Perspective
From an evolutionary standpoint, our ancestors didn’t swipe right.
They navigated complex social networks, forming alliances and selecting mates in ways that ensured survival and reproduction. Modern dating, with its infinite choices and instant gratification, often clashes with these deep-seated evolutionary mechanisms.
In evolutionary terms, humans are wired to seek out partners to ensure the continuation of our species.
However, the constant pursuit of romantic partners, akin to being "boy drunk," can lead to emotional burnout and poor decision-making. This is where boysober comes in, offering a period of introspection and recalibration.
Mate Selection and Parental Investment: Evolutionary psychologists like Robert Trivers have discussed the concept of parental investment theory, which posits that the sex investing more in offspring (typically females) will be more selective in choosing mates.
By going boysober, women can reset their criteria for mate selection, focusing on long-term compatibility rather than short-term attraction.
Attachment and Pair Bonding: The attachment theory by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth suggests that our early attachments shape our future relationships. Going boysober allows some women to reflect on their attachment styles—be it secure, anxious, or avoidant—and work towards healthier relational patterns.
Sexual Strategies: David Buss's sexual strategies theory indicates that men and women have evolved different mating strategies based on reproductive interests.
Boysober offers a pause from the often conflicting short-term strategies (e.g., casual hookups) to reconsider long-term strategies (e.g., committed relationships) that align better with personal goals and well-being.
The humorous side of Boysober
While the concept is deeply rooted in psychology, it doesn’t mean we can’t have a bit of fun with it. Imagine your life as a sitcom, and boysober is that unexpected plot twist in season three that takes the storyline to a whole new level.
No More Bad Dates: Say goodbye to awkward first dates where you pretend to laugh at jokes that aren’t funny. Boysober frees up your evenings for Netflix binges and karaoke nights with friends.
Detox from Drama: Remember that ex who sent you into a spiral every time they texted "we need to talk"? Boysober means no more decoding cryptic messages or endless nights wondering if "k" means they’re mad at you.
Friendship Renaissance: Rediscover the joy of platonic relationships. As Woodard herself pointed out, boysober gives you more brain space to invest in meaningful friendships. You’ll find yourself actually listening to your friends’ stories instead of mentally drafting a reply to your crush’s last text.
Practical Tips for Going Boysober
If you're inspired to try boysober, here are some practical tips to make the most of your journey:
Set Clear Boundaries: Decide how long you want to stay boysober. Whether it’s a month, six months, or a year, having a clear timeline can help you stay committed.
Focus on Self-Improvement: Use this time to pursue hobbies, career goals, and personal development. Take up a new class, start a blog, or join a book club.
Reflect and Reassess: Regularly reflect on your progress. Keep a journal to document your thoughts and feelings. This can help you gain insights into your past dating patterns and how you want to approach future relationships.
Engage in Social Activities: Don’t isolate yourself. Engage in social activities and nurture your friendships. Building a strong support system is crucial.
Seek Professional Help if Needed: If you find yourself struggling with the process, consider seeking help from a therapist. They can provide valuable insights and coping strategies.
Final thoughts
Boysober is more than just a trend; it just might be a movement towards healthier, more intentional living.
By stepping back from the dating scene, some humans can break free from toxic patterns, rediscover their own worth, and build stronger, more meaningful connections. Whether you’re doing it for a month or a year, the boysober journey is a chance to hit the reset button and emerge as a more grounded, self-aware human being.
So, next time someone asks if you’re seeing anyone, feel free to reply, “Nope, I’m boysober!” and enjoy the look of curiosity (or confusion) on their face. After all, in the grand sitcom of life, it’s always good to keep the audience guessing.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
