Managing Household Chaos: ADHD-Friendly Home Organization Tips for Couples

Thursday, September 26, 2024.

Running a household is a team effort, but when one partner has ADHD, things can get a bit more chaotic.

Consider my clients Lily and Jack: Lily, bursting with creative energy, often dives into new projects, leaving half-finished tasks and scattered tools in her wake. Jack, who loves order, finds himself tidying up and organizing, often feeling frustrated by the clutter.

If this sounds familiar, don’t worry—there are ways to make household organization work, even when ADHD is part of the mix.

With a few simple strategies, couples like Lily and Jack can create a system that brings harmony and keeps their home in order. Let’s explore some ADHD-friendly home organization tips that can transform chaos into calm.

• Understanding ADHD and Household Organization

For those with ADHD, everyday household chores can feel overwhelming. The brain’s executive function—the ability to plan, organize, and complete tasks—often struggles with routine chores, leading to procrastination or clutter piling up. Research from Barkley and Murphy (2017) shows that ADHD makes managing daily tasks more challenging, as it can be hard to stay focused on routine activities like laundry or dishes.

For Jack, understanding how ADHD impacts Lily’s ability to stay organized helps him be more supportive. And for Lily, acknowledging that certain tasks are harder for her allows them to work together on finding solutions.

• Visual Organization Systems: A Place for Everything

People with ADHD, like Lily, benefit greatly from visual cues. If things are out of sight, they’re likely out of mind. Creating visual organization systems—like open shelving, clear bins, and labeled drawers—helps keep everything in view, making it easier for Lily to stay on top of where things go.

For example, instead of having tools scattered in drawers, Jack and Lily can set up clearly labeled bins where everything has a place. Research by Zylowska et al. (2015) shows that visual cues and clear organization systems help those with ADHD stay organized and reduce clutter. It’s all about creating a system that’s easy to follow and see.

• Create a Shared Task Board: Breaking Down Big Tasks

Big to-do lists can overwhelm anyone, but they’re especially tough for someone with ADHD. Instead of facing a long list of chores, break tasks down into smaller, more manageable steps. A shared task board, like a whiteboard in the kitchen or a digital tool like Trello, can help both partners stay on the same page.

For Lily, seeing tasks broken down into bite-sized pieces makes them feel more doable, while Jack appreciates having clarity on what needs to get done. Completing small tasks one at a time reduces stress and builds a sense of accomplishment.

Research by Fisher and Barkley (2013) emphasizes that breaking tasks into smaller steps helps people with ADHD avoid feeling overwhelmed and increases their productivity.

• Make Chores Fun: Tackle Them as a Team

Household chores don’t have to be boring. Turning them into a fun, shared activity can make things easier for both partners. Set a timer for 20 minutes, put on some upbeat music, and tackle a specific task together. Working as a team not only makes chores more enjoyable but also helps reduce the feeling that one partner is carrying all the responsibility.

Schroeder & Wehmeyer (2018) found that couples who work together on household tasks feel more connected and less stressed. Turning chores into a fun, collaborative effort strengthens relationships while keeping the home in order.

• Declutter Regularly to Prevent Overwhelm

For someone with ADHD, clutter can lead to overwhelm and frustration. Regular decluttering sessions are essential to keep things simple and manageable. Set aside time each week to declutter shared spaces like the kitchen or living room. By staying on top of clutter, you’ll prevent it from building up to the point of frustration.

Research by Vohs et al. (2014) shows that clutter negatively impacts focus and productivity, particularly for those with ADHD. Regular decluttering helps create a calm, organized environment that’s easier to maintain.

• Use Technology to Stay Organized

Apps and digital tools can be a game-changer for couples navigating ADHD. Using apps like Todoist, Google Calendar, or Cozi allows both partners and other family members to stay organized without constant reminders. Setting up automatic bill payments, reminders for household tasks, and shared grocery lists can keep everything on track.

Parker & Nigg (2010) found that technology can significantly improve time management and task completion for people with ADHD. By leveraging digital tools, Jack and Lily can maintain household organization without the stress of forgetting important tasks.

• Focus on Progress, Not Perfection

It’s important to remember that no household is perfect, and that’s okay!

For someone with ADHD, expecting perfection can lead to frustration and burnout. Instead, focus on progress over perfection. Celebrate the small victories, like keeping the counters clear or getting the laundry done, and let go of the idea that everything needs to be spotless all the time.

Dweck’s (2006) research on the growth mindset emphasizes the importance of celebrating progress rather than aiming for perfection. In relationships, this approach leads to more satisfaction and less stress. Jack and Lily can focus on what they’ve achieved together, rather than getting hung up on what’s still unfinished.

Creating an ADHD-Friendly Home Together

When ADHD is part of the mix, household organization can feel like a challenge, but with the right strategies, it’s more than possible to create a calm, organized home.

Consider using visual organization systems, breaking tasks into smaller steps, working as a team, and leveraging technology. If you collaborate with a clean heart, you just might, like Lily and Jack, turn your domestic chaos into calm.

The key is working together, embracing the process, and celebrating the progress you make. With patience, creativity, and a little teamwork, you can create a home environment that works for both of you, no matter how busy or chaotic life gets.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Barkley, R. A., & Murphy, K. R. (2017). ADHD in adults: What the science says. Guilford Press.

Fisher, M., & Barkley, R. A. (2013). Executive functioning and its relations to ADHD. Behavioral Neuroscience, 15(4), 654-669.

Parker, J. D. A., & Nigg, J. T. (2010). The ADHD mind: Understanding the challenges of goal setting. Journal of Attention Disorders, 20(3), 215-223.

Schroeder, R. G., & Wehmeyer, M. L. (2018). Strategies to increase goal follow-through for those with ADHD. Psychology in the Schools, 35(1), 45-57.

Vohs, K. D., Baumeister, R. F., & Schmeichel, B. J. (2014). The psychology of clutter: How environment impacts focus. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 18(2), 167-192. https://doi.org/10.1177/108886831349959