8 Ways Your Partner Shows You Disrespect

Monday, February 24, 2025.

Relationships are as intricate as they are transformative—a mosaic of shared moments, vulnerabilities, and sometimes, painful missteps.

When disrespect creeps into the mix, it can destabilize the trust and intimacy that bind partners together.

In this post, we explore 8 distinct ways your partner might be showing you disrespect, weaving in insights from social science research.

We also take a deeper look into two special contexts that sometimes envelope a disrespect narrative: the dynamics associated with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and the unique communication challenges related to neurodiversity.

We’ll touch on some familiar concepts including micro-aggressions, emotional invalidation, gaslighting, cognitive dissonance, autonomy, vulnerability, and power imbalances.

1. Excessive Criticism and Microaggressions

Excessive criticism, particularly when it manifests as a series of microaggressions, can erode your self-esteem over time.

When criticism isn’t balanced by support, it may signal deeper issues.

Research by Gottman (1999) underscores that habitual negative commentary can transform everyday disagreements into lasting resentments. With neurodivergent partners, I’ve seen “special interest” anxieties create family friction.

In relationships where one partner has narcissistic traits, criticism might be less about constructive feedback and more about establishing dominance—a dynamic that leaves little room for empathy or growth (Ronningstam, 2005).

2. Contempt and Emotional Invalidation

Contempt is more than mere disagreement—it’s a dismissal of your feelings and worth as a human being.

This behavior, which can include sarcasm, sneering, cold distancing, or blatant disregard for your emotional experience, invalidates your inner world.

Studies have long shown that contempt is particularly corrosive in relationships, undermining the mutual respect essential for long-term connection (Gottman, 1999).

In some cases, a partner displaying narcissistic traits may habitually invalidate feelings to maintain control, leaving you questioning your emotional reality. But in neurodivergent relationships, the role of neurodivergent dysregulation should be explored as well.

3. Gaslighting and Cognitive Dissonance

Gaslighting is an insidious tactic where your partner manipulates you into questioning your own perceptions.

This behavior creates cognitive dissonance—a mental state of discomfort resulting from holding contradictory beliefs.

When a partner uses gaslighting to rewrite reality, it not only disrespects your personal truth but also sows seeds of long-term psychological distress (Stark, 2007).

Narcissistic partners, in particular, may employ gaslighting as a means to preserve their grandiose self-image and control the narrative within the relationship.

4. Public Devaluation and Social Humiliation

Disrespect isn’t confined to private moments.

When a partner devalues you in front of friends, family, or colleagues, it compounds the hurt with a public shaming that can severely impact your social identity.

Such public devaluation often reflects deeper power imbalances and a desire to assert dominance, which is a common thread in relationships affected by narcissistic dynamics (Markman, Stanley, & Blumberg, 1994). Neurodiverse partners sometimes will miss a social subtext and do something ostensibly dismissive. Interupting is perhaps the best example of this.

5. Boundary Violations and Autonomy Suppression

Boundaries are the bedrock of any healthy relationship, and consistently ignoring them is a clear sign of disrespect.

Whether it’s invading your personal space, dismissing your opinions, or overstepping emotional limits, these violations can leave you feeling devalued and unheard.

In relationships where a partner has narcissistic tendencies, such boundary violations may be intentional, serving as a tool to suppress your autonomy and reinforce their own needs over yours (Finkel, Hui, Carswell, & Larson, 2014).

Meanwhile, neurodiverse partners might sometimes inadvertently misread social cues regarding boundaries, highlighting the need for clear communication and understanding.

6. Emotional Withholding and Stonewalling

When a partner withholds emotion—whether through the silent treatment or deliberate stonewalling—it sends a powerful message: your feelings do not matter.

This lack of emotional engagement stifles meaningful dialogue and creates a chasm of isolation within the relationship.

Gottman’s research (1999) warns that such behaviors can be precursors to relationship breakdown.

In some cases, a narcissistic partner may use emotional withholding as a punitive measure, while neurodiverse folks might struggle with expressing emotions in conventionally expected ways, sometimes leading to unfortunate, and sometimes even tragic misunderstandings.

7. Unilateral Decision-Making and Power Imbalance

A healthy relationship thrives on collaboration. When one partner consistently makes decisions without your input—be it about daily routines or life-altering choices—it signals that your voice is undervalued.

Research indicates that such unilateral decision-making often correlates with deeper issues of power imbalance and control (Markman et al., 1994).

Narcissistic tendencies may amplify this behavior, as the need for dominance overshadows the benefits of mutual respect and equality.

8. Social Isolation and Coercive Control

Social isolation is perhaps one of the most covert yet devastating forms of disrespect.

When a partner gradually severs your connections with friends, family, or your broader community, they’re not only undermining your social support but also asserting a form of coercive control (Stark, 2007).

This tactic is frequently observed in relationships influenced by narcissistic personality disorder, where isolating you makes it easier to manipulate and dominate.

Conversely, in relationships where one partner is neurodiverse, misunderstandings about social interactions can sometimes be mistaken for controlling behaviors in the service of deliberate isolation—underscoring the need for sensitive, informed communication in the family unit.

Special Considerations: Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Neurodiversity

While the 8 behaviors outlined above can occur in many relationships, the narratives around disrespect become even more complex in the presence of narcissistic personality disorder and neurodiversity.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

Individuals with NPD are characterized by a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, a deep need for admiration, and a lack of empathy.

These traits can intensify disrespectful behaviors.

For instance, a narcissistic partner may be especially prone to gaslighting, emotional invalidation, and unilateral decision-making—all aimed at preserving their self-image and control (Ronningstam, 2005).

Their inability to genuinely empathize with your feelings often leaves little room for the mutual respect that is vital for a healthy relationship.

Neurodiversity

Neurodiversity describes the natural variations in human brain function, including conditions such as autism, ADHD, and dyslexia. In relationships involving neurodiverse partners, communication differences are common.

These differences can sometimes be misinterpreted as disrespect or indifference when, in reality, they are simply alternative ways of processing and expressing emotions.

It is crucial to distinguish between intentional disrespect and inadvertent miscommunications.

With patience, clear boundaries, and mutual understanding, some partners can bridge these gaps, fostering an environment where their diverse cognitive styles enrich rather than undermine the relationship (Singer, 1999).

Final thoughts

Understanding the multifaceted ways in which disrespect can manifest in a relationship is the first step toward reclaiming your personal power and nurturing a more equitable bond.

Whether the hurt stems from microaggressions, overt gaslighting, or the complex dynamics of narcissistic personality disorder and neurodiversity, knowledge is a potent tool for healing.

Most therapists would prize open communication, setting firm boundaries, and seeking mutual understanding as essential to counteracting these behaviors and build a partnership founded on respect, empathy, and equality.

However, the special problems of neurodiversity and narcissism are where science-based couples therapy comes in handy. Your mileage may vary.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). American Psychiatric Publishing.

Brown, B. (2012). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. Gotham Books.

Finkel, E. J., Hui, C. M., Carswell, K. L., & Larson, G. M. (2014). The suffocation of marriage: Climbing Mount Maslow without enough oxygen. Psychological Science, 25(5), 958–972.

Gottman, J. M. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. Harmony Books.

Johnson, S. (2008). Hold me tight: Seven conversations for a lifetime of love. Little, Brown.

Markman, H. J., Stanley, S. M., & Blumberg, S. L. (1994). Fighting for your marriage. Jossey-Bass.

Perel, E. (2017). The state of affairs: Rethinking infidelity. Harper.

Ronningstam, E. (2005). Identifying and understanding the narcissistic personality. Oxford University Press.

Singer, J. (1999). Why can't you be normal for once in your life? In M. Corker & S. French (Eds.), Disability discourse.

Stark, E. (2007). Coercive control: How men entrap women in personal life. Oxford University Press.