7 Traits of Folks Who Have Suffered Too Much
Thursday, October 31, 2024.
Life’s most profound hardships are often those that leave invisible marks.
People who have endured extensive suffering often emerge with distinct personality traits and psychological insights that reflect both resilience and the challenges of coping with prolonged adversity.
Psychologists studying post-traumatic growth (PTG)—a concept exploring positive transformations following trauma—have identified ways in which suffering can permanently shape one’s character.
Here, we delve deeply into seven traits often seen in those who have endured significant hardship, exploring not only the ways these traits develop but also the science behind them.
Heightened Empathy and Deep Compassion for Others
Suffering sometimes increases a person’s capacity for empathy and compassion, especially toward others experiencing hardship.
This trait, while widely documented in trauma literature, has deep roots in evolutionary psychology, where human empathy evolved as a protective and bonding mechanism.
Research by Tedeschi and Calhoun (2004) highlights how trauma survivors often engage in higher levels of altruism and prosocial behavior as a result of their experiences. For example, people who have faced loss or pain may be more likely to offer support to those in crisis, perceiving another’s suffering as a mirror of their own.
This “compassion transformation” is often seen in post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) recovery, where a heightened sensitivity to others’ emotions can be both a strength and a challenge.
However, it’s important to note that this sensitivity can make trauma survivors more susceptible to empathy fatigue and emotional exhaustion, requiring them to manage their well-being carefully (Linley & Joseph, 2004).
Remarkable Resilience and Mental Toughness
While suffering can break some people down, it also has the potential to build extraordinary resilience and a strong mental foundation in others.
This trait of resilience is sometimes defined as hardiness, a concept in psychological literature that describes an ability to withstand adversity without compromising their integrity or sense of self.
According to Linley and Joseph (2004), post-traumatic growth includes a measurable increase in resilience, where folks face future challenges with enhanced coping strategies and a sense of internal strength.
Psychologists have identified resilience as a crucial element of PTG.
Research on Holocaust survivors, for example, has shown that while trauma leaves lasting scars, those who survived extreme hardship often display an unshakable inner resolve, able to adapt to significant life stressors with composure.
This adaptive resilience serves as a protective factor against subsequent traumatic events, although it can also cause people to internalize challenges rather than seek support (Ehlers & Clark, 2000).
Hypervigilance and Wariness Toward New Situations
While suffering fosters compassion, it sometimes simultaneously breeds hypervigilance—an increased awareness of potential threats.
This trait, also called wariness, is commonly seen in those who have experienced betrayal, abuse, or sustained hardship.
It can manifest as cautiousness or a heightened fight-or-flight response to seemingly minor challenges. People who have endured intense suffering might become more guarded, expecting hurt or deceit, which can hinder their openness in new relationships.
The cognitive model of PTSD developed by Ehlers and Clark (2000) suggests that folks often experience maladaptive cognitive patterns post-trauma, which can lead to heightened vigilance.
While this heightened awareness can prevent future harm, it may also strain relationships, causing them to isolate as a form of self-preservation. This hypervigilance becomes a double-edged sword, as it offers protection but can be taxing when unchecked.
Profound Gratitude for Simple Joys
One of the more uplifting outcomes of suffering is an increased gratitude for small pleasures and the “ordinary miracles” of everyday life.
According to Wood, Joseph, and Linley (2008), people who experience adversity often display enhanced levels of gratitude, a trait that acts as a psychological buffer and promotes well-being.
Studies show that gratitude practices can lower depression and increase overall life satisfaction, as they reframe one’s perception of positive events, no matter how small.
This profound gratitude is evident in survivors who “live in the moment,” savoring life’s fleeting joys.
They may feel a sense of awe at things they once took for granted—such as family gatherings, the sunrise, or even mundane rituals. This sense of gratitude also stems from a recognition of life’s impermanence, making them more attuned to the beauty in seemingly insignificant experiences (Wood et al., 2008).
Realigned and Simplified Life Priorities
Trauma often leads to a reevaluation and simplification of one’s life priorities, where survivors shift their focus from material pursuits to more meaningful, value-driven goals.
Many trauma survivors report letting go of superficial desires, choosing instead to focus on relationships, inner peace, and personal integrity (Tedeschi & Calhoun, 2004). This prioritization is a hallmark of PTG and can lead to what some psychologists term a “wisdom perspective” on life.
This change in perspective can extend to one’s daily interactions, as survivors may avoid petty conflicts and negative influences, realizing the finite nature of time and energy.
Instead, they often prioritize nurturing supportive relationships, meaningful work, or spiritual exploration, seeking a sense of fulfillment beyond what society typically values. This shift is often seen in cancer survivors and others who face life-threatening illnesses, as they develop a renewed respect for life’s fragility and a desire to live with purpose.
Complex and Nuanced Relationship with Vulnerability
People who have experienced significant suffering often walk a fine line between embracing vulnerability as strength, and guarding against further pain.
Research shows that vulnerability can be a source of healing, allowing survivors to connect deeply with others who have shared experiences.
However, many struggle with opening up, fearing that emotional exposure could lead to new hurt (Brown, 2006).
While some trauma survivors choose to cultivate authenticity and openness as a form of resilience, others may lean toward stoicism or emotional independence. This paradoxical relationship with vulnerability means they can be compassionate yet distant, empathetic but cautious.
Striking a balance is essential, as too much openness or withdrawal can lead to loneliness or emotional burnout. Trauma-informed therapy frequently emphasizes the importance of “safe vulnerability,” where survivors learn to open up while setting healthy boundaries.
Heightened Spirituality or Existential Curiosity
Finally, suffering often leads humans on a quest for spiritual understanding or existential purpose.
Post-traumatic growth studies have repeatedly found a correlation between trauma and increased spiritual engagement, as dome folks search for meaning to help them cope with their experiences (Park & Ai, 2006).
For some, this may take the form of religious devotion, or spiritual discipline. While for others, it manifests as a quest for understanding life’s mysteries and the human condition.
This spiritual transformation is often seen as one of the most positive outcomes of trauma, giving survivors a sense of transcendence beyond their own suffering.
Many survivors find comfort in the belief that their pain has a purpose, enabling them to connect with others and with the world on a deeper level. This trait not only helps them cope with their own trauma but can also guide them to become sources of support and wisdom for others navigating similar paths.
Final thoughts
People who have endured significant suffering develop a unique set of psychological traits that reflect both the trials they have faced and the resilience they have cultivated.
While these traits bring wisdom and empathy, they can also pose challenges, highlighting the complex and multi-layered nature of human suffering and growth.
In this way, post-traumatic growth illustrates not only our capacity for survival but also our potential to thrive and find purpose amid life’s greatest hardships.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Brown, B. (2006). I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't): Making the Journey from "What Will People Think?" to "I Am Enough." Penguin Random House.
Ehlers, A., & Clark, D. M. (2000). A cognitive model of posttraumatic stress disorder. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 38(4), 319-345.
Linley, P. A., & Joseph, S. (2004). Positive changes following trauma and adversity: A review. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 17(1), 11-21.
Park, C. L., & Ai, A. L. (2006). Meaning making and growth: New directions for research on survivors of trauma. Journal of Loss and Trauma, 11(5), 389-407.
Tedeschi, R. G., & Calhoun, L. G. (2004). Posttraumatic growth: Conceptual foundations and empirical evidence. Psychological Inquiry, 15(1), 1-18.
Wood, A. M., Joseph, S., & Linley, P. A. (2008). Gratitude: The parent of all virtues. The Psychologist, 21(1), 18-21.