7 Most Common Female Narcissistic Traits: A Deep Dive into the Drama

Monday, October 21, 2024.

Understanding the complex world of female narcissists can be like unravelling a tricky plot twist in your favorite soap opera.

Beneath the charismatic exterior lies a need for control, status, and attention that often leaves those around them feeling drained.

From the subtle manipulation of "monkey branching" to the toxic favoritism in parenting, let’s explore the seven most common traits of female narcissists with depth, warmth, and a touch of humor.

The Appearance Game: Need for Attention and Tendency for Jealousy

Female narcissists often place a high value on appearances, and I’m not just talking about the perfect Instagram shot.

They meticulously curate their physical look and overall image, seeing it as a crucial tool for garnering the admiration they crave. This hunger for attention can manifest as a constant need to be the center of every social situation, always ensuring that eyes remain glued to them.

Behind this carefully crafted exterior, however, lies a simmering tendency for jealousy. Female narcissists might smile sweetly while silently seething if they perceive someone else—friend, colleague, or even sibling—outshining them. This jealousy can quickly turn into covert sabotage, as they aim to undermine those who dare threaten their spotlight.

A study by Sansone and Sansone (2011) shows that narcissistic traits are often linked to high levels of envy, particularly when they perceive threats to their carefully maintained sense of superiority. This aligns with the female narcissist's obsession with appearances and constant need for validation.

The Art of Seduction: Charm Without Accountability

Female narcissists can wield their charm like a weapon.

They are often adept at using seduction to manipulate those around them—whether it’s a romantic interest, a boss, or even a close friend. But here’s the twist: when they’re caught in a misstep, don’t expect them to take responsibility.

Instead, they’ll twist the narrative, deftly shifting the blame to others. This lack of accountability can make relationships with them feel like a never-ending game of emotional dodgeball.

Their seduction tactics are often reserved for those who can offer them something—status, power, or simply admiration. Once their target is “hooked,” they lose interest and move on, leaving emotional wreckage in their wake.

According to Miller et al. (2010), women with narcissistic tendencies often struggle with acknowledging their flaws, as it threatens their idealized self-image. This makes it nearly impossible for them to admit fault, even when faced with undeniable evidence.

Confidence That Cuts: Belittling Others with Poor Insight

Female narcissists often exude a seemingly unshakeable confidence.

They carry themselves as if they have life all figured out, often positioning themselves as experts in any given situation. Yet, this confidence often comes at the expense of those around them. A female narcissist might subtly (or not-so-subtly) belittle others, making biting comments that cut people down to size, all to maintain their own sense of superiority.

This behavior is often coupled with a stunning lack of self-awareness. Female narcissists rarely see how their actions affect others, viewing themselves as fundamentally “right” or “special.”

Their belittling comments often go hand-in-hand with a deep lack of empathy, as they dismiss the feelings of those around them in favor of maintaining their own self-image.

Campbell et al. (2002) found that narcissistic personalities frequently overestimate their own abilities while minimizing those of others. This pattern enables them to maintain their sense of grandiosity, even as their relationships suffer due to their insensitivity and lack of empathy.

Monkey Branching and Money Games: Using Wealth as a Power Tool

The term monkey branching describes the behavior of swinging from one partner to another, much like a monkey swinging from tree to tree, never letting go of one branch until the next is within reach.

Female narcissists often engage in this behavior, constantly looking for a partner who offers a greater sense of status or material comfort. They’re strategic in their relationships, always searching for someone who can elevate their social standing or provide financial benefits. When a better option comes along, they’re ready to move on without looking back.

This tendency ties into their fixation on money and status.

Female narcissists often see wealth as a way to maintain control and assert dominance. Whether it’s through flaunting designer labels, taking extravagant vacations, or making grandiose gestures, money becomes a way to keep others beneath them. These flashy displays aren't just about self-indulgence; they serve as a way to broadcast their superiority.

A study by Kasser and Ryan (1996) suggests that materialistic values are closely associated with narcissism, where the desire for status often overrides the need for deeper, more meaningful relationships. This can help explain the female narcissist's focus on monkey branching, as she constantly seeks partners who can provide greater status or financial gain.

Infidelity: Always Looking for the Next Upgrade

Infidelity is often a hallmark trait of female narcissists, rooted in their constant search for validation and the desire for a higher-status partner.

When they cheat, it's not necessarily about the thrill of the affair—it's about securing a better option, a partner who can provide more of the status or resources they crave. This is closely tied to their monkey branching tendencies, as they’re always scanning the horizon for a potential upgrade.

And when the infidelity is exposed, the female narcissist is quick to blame her partner, painting herself as the victim of unmet needs or lack of attention. The narrative is always spun to preserve their image, shifting accountability onto anyone but themselves.

Buss and Shackelford (1997) found that narcissists are more likely to engage in infidelity, often due to their insatiable need for admiration and their lack of empathy for their partner’s feelings. For female narcissists, relationships become transactional, serving as a means to an end.

Playing Favorites in Parenting: A Recipe for Rivalry

In parenting, female narcissists often employ a disturbing tactic: picking favorites.

One child may become the golden child, basking in the parent's attention and approval, while the others are left to fend for themselves. This favoritism isn’t about love—it’s about control. The chosen child serves as a mirror, reflecting back the narcissist’s idealized version of themselves, while the “unfavored” children become sources of resentment.

This dynamic can lead to severe sibling rivalry, as the golden child is pitted against their siblings, often leading to lifelong resentment. Female narcissists aren’t nurturing so much as they are seeking a constant source of validation, making their parenting style not just problematic but deeply damaging.

Thomaes et al. (2008) highlighted that narcissistic parents often view their children as extensions of their own ego, leading to differential treatment based on how well each child feeds their self-esteem. The impact of this favoritism is well-documented, with research linking it to long-term emotional challenges for the unfavored children.

Competition as a Core Value: Always Ready for Battle

For the female narcissist, life is a competition, and the stakes are always high.

Whether it’s subtly outshining a friend’s new promotion or turning a family gathering into a platform for humblebrags, they are always competing. This competitive streak is not just about ambition—it’s about maintaining a sense of dominance over others, ensuring that they’re always seen as superior.

This obsession with competition can be toxic, as it prevents authentic connections from forming. Instead of celebrating others' successes, female narcissists often feel envious, unable to let anyone else share the limelight.

Wallace, Ready, and Weitenhagen (2009) noted that narcissistic folks tend to exhibit competitive behaviors, especially in situations where they perceive others as threats to their status. This often leads to strained relationships, as they prioritize winning over emotional connection.

How to Spot These Traits with a Smile

Understanding the behaviors of a female narcissist can feel like watching a drama series unfold—there’s intrigue, manipulation, and a lot of self-centered behavior.

While it can be challenging to navigate these traits, recognizing them is the first step towards setting healthy boundaries and protecting your own well-being.

Whether it’s the artful seduction, the monkey branching maneuvers, or the ever-competitive edge, knowing what to look for can help you stay grounded amid the emotional whirlwind.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Buss, D. M., & Shackelford, T. K. (1997). Susceptibility to infidelity in the first year of marriage. Journal of Research in Personality, 31(2), 193-221.

Campbell, W. K., Reeder, G. D., Sedikides, C., & Elliot, A. J. (2002). Narcissism and comparative self-enhancement strategies. Journal of Research in Personality, 34(3), 329-347.

Kasser, T., & Ryan, R. M. (1996). Further examining the American dream: Differential correlates of intrinsic and extrinsic goals. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 22(3), 280-287.

Miller, J. D., Widiger, T. A., & Campbell, W. K. (2010). Narcissistic personality disorder and the DSM-V. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 119(4), 640-649.

Sansone, R. A., & Sansone, L. A. (2011). Is jealousy a factor in female sex addiction? Innovations in Clinical Neuroscience, 8(10), 16-20.

Thomaes, S., Stegge, H., Olthof, T., Bushman, B. J., & Nezlek, J. B. (2008). Narcissism and self-esteem during early adolescence. Journal of Early Adolescence, 28(2), 201-221.

Wallace, H. M., Ready, C. B., & Weitenhagen, E. (2009). Narcissism, competitiveness, and comparative success/failure experiences. Journal of Research in Personality, 43(3), 495-498.