10 Reason’s You’ll Probably Pass on Couples Therapy

Monday, November 4, 2024.

Couples therapy can be a transformative process for relationships, providing tools for effective communication, conflict resolution, and emotional connection.

Despite these benefits, many couples still hesitate or choose not to pursue therapy. Understanding why couples avoid therapy is essential for destigmatizing and promoting its use.

Let’s review the most common reasons, supported by social science research, and examine how these factors influence decision-making.

Stigma and Societal Norms

Stigma is a pervasive barrier preventing couples from seeking therapy.

Research indicates that societal norms play a significant role in the perception of therapy as a last resort rather than a proactive approach. According to Vogel, Wade, and Haake (2006), folks who perceive stigma around seeking psychological help are less likely to pursue it, fearing judgment from others or being seen as incapable of managing their relationships independently.

Financial Constraints

Financial concerns are a notable deterrent to therapy.

According to a study by Wang et al. (2014), the high cost of mental health services is one of the primary reasons many couples do not seek therapy. These couples weigh the immediate costs against the uncertain outcomes and decide that therapy is too expensive.

Insurance limitations and the perceived financial burden reinforce this hesitation, even when couples recognize the potential value of counseling.

Time Scarcity

Time scarcity is another significant factor.

Modern couples often juggle demanding jobs, childcare, and other responsibilities, leaving little room for additional commitments like therapy.

Research by Mattingly and Sayer (2006) highlights that couples, especially those with children, face time pressure that makes prioritizing self-care or relationship-focused activities difficult. This time crunch leads to the perception that therapy is an impractical addition to an already full schedule.

Minimization of Issues

Many couples rationalize their problems by minimizing them, which can prevent them from seeking help. This phenomenon aligns with the concept of optimistic bias, where folks believe that their problems are not severe enough to warrant intervention.

Weinstein (1980) discusses how this bias impacts decision-making by leading people to underestimate potential negative outcomes. For couples, this means delaying therapy until issues become unavoidable.

Fear of Emotional Vulnerability

Therapy requires partners to confront uncomfortable emotions and share personal experiences. A study by Helgeson, Reynolds, and Tomich (2006) indicates that avoidance coping, or the act of avoiding confronting distressing emotions, is common in some relationships.

This fear of vulnerability can be paralyzing, especially when it involves discussing past mistakes or traumatic events. The anticipation of emotional discomfort keeps many couples from taking the first step.

Skepticism About Effectiveness

Despite evidence supporting the efficacy of couples therapy, skepticism persists. A study by Christensen and Heavey (1999) outlines that one of the main challenges to therapy engagement is the belief that it won’t work.

Couples may draw on anecdotal stories from friends or past negative experiences to justify this skepticism. This belief often stems from a lack of understanding about the different therapeutic approaches and how crucial therapist compatibility is for successful outcomes.

“We Can Fix It Ourselves” Mentality

The self-reliant mindset is deeply embedded in many cultures. According to a study by Mearns and Cain (2003), some partners may prefer to solve their problems independently, relying on self-help resources or advice from friends and family.

While self-reliance can be beneficial, it may also prevent couples from acknowledging when professional intervention is necessary. This reluctance is compounded by overconfidence in one’s ability to manage relationship issues without structured guidance.

Cultural and Religious Barriers

Cultural and religious beliefs can strongly influence decisions about therapy. In many communities, discussing personal problems with an outsider is viewed as inappropriate or a betrayal of family values.

A study by Sue and Sue (2012) highlights how cultural norms around privacy and family honor impact the willingness to seek therapy. Religious couples may also prefer to seek guidance from their faith leaders rather than secular professionals, believing that spiritual counsel aligns more closely with their values.

Distrust in the Therapy Process

Trust is an essential factor in successful therapy, and a lack of trust in therapists or the therapeutic process itself can be a significant barrier.

According to the findings of Wampold (2015), the perception of therapist bias or the fear that one partner will be blamed more than the other contributes to resistance. Additionally, concerns about confidentiality can dissuade couples, especially in smaller communities where privacy feels more vulnerable.

Fear of Negative Outcomes

Ironically, couples may avoid therapy due to the fear that it could worsen their relationship.

Science-based couples therapists encourage open communication, which sometimes brings deep-seated issues to the surface.

A study by Johnson and Greenberg (1985) on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) found that while these conversations are crucial for long-term growth, the initial discomfort can make couples hesitant to proceed.

The fear of confrontation and the potential realization that their issues may not be easily resolved can prevent couples from engaging in therapy altogether.

Final thoughts

Understanding why couples decide not to enter therapy sheds light on the challenges that need to be addressed to make good science-baes couples therapy more accessible and normalized.

Efforts to destigmatize couples therapy, reduce financial and time barriers, and promote awareness of its benefits are crucial.

By tackling these issues head-on, society can encourage more couples to view therapy not as a last resort, but as a powerful tool for growth and connection.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Christensen, A., & Heavey, C. L. (1999). Interventions for couples. Annual Review of Psychology, 50(1), 165-190.

Helgeson, V. S., Reynolds, K. A., & Tomich, P. L. (2006). A meta-analytic review of benefit finding and growth. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 74(5), 797.

Johnson, S. M., & Greenberg, L. S. (1985). Emotionally focused therapy: An overview. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 11(4), 313-319.

Mattingly, M. J., & Sayer, L. C. (2006). Under pressure: Gender differences in the relationship between time demands and family time adequacy. Journal of Marriage and Family, 68(2), 457-471.

Mearns, J., & Cain, J. E. (2003). Relationship beliefs and their effects on relationship satisfaction. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 20(1), 123-142.

Sue, D. W., & Sue, D. (2012). Counseling the Culturally Diverse: Theory and Practice (6th ed.). John Wiley & Sons.

Vogel, D. L., Wade, N. G., & Haake, S. (2006). Measuring the self-stigma associated with seeking psychological help. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 53(3), 325-337.

Wampold, B. E. (2015). How important are the common factors in psychotherapy? An update. World Psychiatry, 14(3), 270-277.

Wang, P. S., Aguilar-Gaxiola, S., Alonso, J., Angermeyer, M. C., & others. (2014). Barriers to mental health treatment. Psychological Medicine, 37(8), 1145-1157.

Weinstein, N. D. (1980). Unrealistic optimism about future life events. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 39(5), 806-820.