Love, Lust, and the Power of Partnership: Why Men in Relationships Have the Edge in the Bedroom

December 30, 2024. This is for BH and MG.

Here’s the thing about sex: it’s not just about the fireworks—it’s about who’s holding the lighter.

A groundbreaking study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior has revealed what many might secretly suspect but rarely admit: men in relationships, regardless of sexual orientation, are having a better time in the sack than their single brethren.

Yes, gentlemen, that smug glow your partnered friends have? It’s not just the new skincare routine—it’s better sexual functioning.

Let’s unpack this, but fair warning, we’re going deep.

The Science of Seduction (and Stability)

Researchers in Brazil recruited 427 men (yes, a whole squad of dudes, from 18 to 65) to delve into the fascinating interplay between sexual functioning, relationship status, and sociosexuality (fancy talk for openness to casual sex).

These men came in all flavors—heterosexual, bisexual, and gay—so this isn’t just a hetero-centric conversation.

The findings?

Men in relationships consistently reported higher scores in all the juicy areas: arousal, erection quality, orgasms, and sexual satisfaction. Sociosexuality—while interesting—barely nudged the needle.

So, while the guy who’s swiping through dating apps might think he’s winning the game, science says the partnered guy already has the trophy.

Sex and the Evolutionary City

Evolution has a sense of humor, doesn’t it?

Turns out, stable partnerships are where sexual functioning thrives.

Why?

Because in long-term relationships, there’s intimacy, emotional connection, and let’s be honest, a pretty good idea of what makes each other tick.

That’s the secret sauce to a better love life: less stress, less guesswork, more satisfaction.

As study author Mauro Silva Júnior of the University of Brasília explains, “Sexual function is a necessary condition for reproduction, but even for non-heterosexual men, the psychological and physiological mechanisms are the same.”

Simply put, whether you’re into her, him, or them, better sexual performance might be more about love than lust.

Breaking Myths and Boosting Mojo

This study didn’t just debunk myths. Yowza!—it drop-kicked them.

For starters, sociosexuality (a.k.a. the wild, casual sex strategy) was a weak predictor of sexual functioning.

Sure, being open to casual encounters might bump up erectile functioning a smidge, but it doesn’t hold a candle to the benefits of a stable relationship.

Also, sexual orientation barely mattered—bisexual men reported slightly lower arousal levels, but it was a blip on the radar. Men, it seems, are wired for connection.

Why Men in Love Are Better Lovers

Let’s be real: being single is fun until you’re anxiously wondering why they didn’t text back.

Relationships, on the other hand, bring comfort, intimacy, and a mutual understanding of each other’s quirks—inside and outside the bedroom.

This is why partnered men score better on every metric of sexual performance. They’re not just having sex; they’re making love, even if it sounds cheesy.

Add to that fewer performance jitters and a deep sense of trust, and you’ve got a recipe for fireworks.

But Wait, There's a Catch

While the study was thorough, it’s not without flaws.

As much as they tried to diversify, most participants were young, white, and educated—a demographic as narrow as the dating pool on a Friday night.

Plus, this was a cross-sectional study, meaning we don’t know if relationships improve sexual performance or if men with better sexual performance are just better at landing relationships.

Either way, it’s a win-win, isn’t it?

Final Thoughts: Sex, Love, and the Long Game

The takeaway?

This research suggests that if you want to be a sexual dynamo, maybe stop chasing fleeting flings and start investing in something real.

Relationships, as it turns out, are like a great wine—aging well with care and attention.

As Silva Júnior puts it, “Although humans reproduce through various sexual strategies, the primary strategy is undoubtedly building and maintaining long-term relationships.” It’s not just about reproducing; it’s about thriving together, whether or not babies are involved.

So here’s to relationships: messy, complicated, beautiful, and oh-so-good for your sex life.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

RESEARCH:

Souza, M. L. R. S. de, Silva, A. J., Valentova, J. V., & Silva Júnior, M. D. (2024). Relationship Status Rather than Sociosexuality or Sexual Orientation Predicts Male Sexual Functioning. Archives of Sexual Behavior.

Silva Júnior, M. D. (2024). Insights on the Evolution of Male Sexual Functioning. University of Brasília.