Love and Mortgages: Why Many Couples Are Prioritizing Homeownership Over Marriage

Tuesday, November 26, 2024.

In a world where dreams of white picket fences collide with skyrocketing home prices, a fascinating trend is reshaping the milestones of modern relationships.

Increasingly, couples are saying "I do" to homeownership before marriage, redefining what commitment looks like in today’s economic and social landscape.

But why is this shift happening, and what does it mean for relationships?

Let’s explore the reasons, benefits, and challenges of this emerging trend, all while celebrating the love and practicality that drive it.

Why Homeownership Before Marriage?

Gone are the days when marriage was the first step in building a life together. Today’s couples are reevaluating priorities and finding that the traditional order of life events doesn’t always align with their goals.

  • Financial Savvy Meets Emotional Commitment

For many, buying a home represents stability and a shared investment in the future. According to the National Association of Realtors, over 555,000 unmarried couples bought homes together in 2023—a 46% increase from a decade earlier. These couples accounted for more than 11% of U.S. home sales (National Association of Realtors, 2023).

With rising rental costs and an unpredictable housing market, co-ownership is seen as a smart financial move.

  • Redefining Commitment

Social norms around marriage are evolving. Living together and co-owning property are now widely accepted as expressions of commitment. Many couples feel that investing in a home reflects their dedication, even if they haven’t formalized their relationship through marriage.

  • A Practical Priority

Saving for a wedding and a down payment simultaneously can be overwhelming.

With the average U.S. wedding costing over $30,000, many couples choose to allocate their resources toward property instead. The rationale? A home offers long-term value, while a wedding, though memorable, is a one-day event.

The Benefits of Homeownership First

There’s a certain magic in building a nest together—literally. Couples who buy homes before marriage report several benefits:

  • Financial Growth Together: Owning a home can help couples build equity and share financial responsibilities, setting a solid foundation for the future.

  • Testing Compatibility: Living together and co-owning a home can deepen a couple’s understanding of each other’s habits, values, and financial priorities.

  • Flexible Life Planning: Homeownership offers stability, but it doesn’t tie couples to a strict timeline. Many feel empowered to decide when (or if) they want to marry.

Challenges to Consider

While the benefits are clear, buying a home as an unmarried couple isn’t without its challenges. Here’s what to keep in mind:

  • Legal Complexities

Unlike married couples, unmarried co-owners don’t automatically have shared property rights. It’s essential to establish a cohabitation agreement and clearly outline ownership percentages and financial responsibilities. This proactive step protects both parties in the event of a breakup.

  • Financial Risks

Combining finances can be tricky. Discussions about credit scores, debts, and financial goals should happen early to ensure transparency and alignment. Remember, buying a home is a significant financial commitment that requires trust and mutual respect.

  • Societal Perceptions

Despite shifting norms, some couples may encounter skepticism from friends, family, or colleagues. However, focusing on what works best for your relationship often outweighs external opinions.

Tips for Navigating Pre-Marital Homeownership

If you’re considering buying a home together before marriage, here are some practical tips:

  • Have Honest Conversations: Discuss your financial situations, long-term goals, and what homeownership means for your relationship.

  • Consult Professionals: Work with a real estate agent and financial advisor who understand your unique needs as an unmarried couple.

  • Put It in Writing: Draft a cohabitation agreement that outlines each person’s contributions, responsibilities, and plans for the property if the relationship changes.

Love and Real Estate

Homeownership before marriage is more than a financial trend—it’s a reflection of how modern couples adapt to the realities of life and love.

By prioritizing what works best for their unique circumstances, couples are finding new ways to build their futures together.

Whether or not marriage is part of the plan, the heart of the matter remains the same: love, partnership, and a shared vision for tomorrow.

So, whether you’re planning a wedding, a mortgage, or both, remember—what truly matters is the life you’re building together.

Be We’ll, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

National Association of Realtors. (2023). 2023 Homebuyers and sellers generational trends report. Retrieved from https://www.nar.realtor/research-and-statistics/research-reports/home-buyers-and-sellers-generational-trends

Smith, K. (2023). The rise of unmarried homeowners: Why more couples are buying homes before marriage. The Wall Street Journal. Retrieved from https://www.wsj.com/personal-finance/unmarried-homeowners-mortgages-801ff086

American Wedding Survey. (2023). The cost of tying the knot: Average wedding costs in the U.S. Retrieved from https://www.theknot.com/content/average-wedding-cost-2023

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"Enshittification": A Therapist’s Lens on Family and Intimate Relationships