Are you zoning out while visiting your childhood home?

Wednesday, June 12, 2024. This is for RB & SB, and the boys.

A few days ago my client Harry, a 30-something show-runner, found himself in a peculiar situation during a recent visit to his emotionally distant elderly parents.

His wife, Marjorie, recounted how Harry seemed to zone out and suddenly seemed to ‘wake up’ in the middle of an argument with her about missing their agreed-upon curfew to leave.

I've seen this scenario play out many times, often stemming from dissociation linked to traumatic or emotionally constipated childhoods.

Let's consider the concept of dissociation, how our childhood experiences can trigger it, and best practices to improve situational awareness when revisiting your childhood home.

Understanding Dissociation

Dissociation is a mental process where a person disconnects from their thoughts, feelings, memories, or sense of identity. It's often a coping mechanism that develops in response to traumatic experiences. For Harry, visiting his emotionally distant parents might have triggered past memories and feelings of neglect, causing him to zone out as a way to protect himself from emotional pain.

The Link Between Childhood Trauma and Dissociation

Research shows that traumatic or emotionally constipated childhoods can lead to dissociative behaviors in adulthood. Children who grow up in environments where their emotional needs are not met often develop dissociation as a survival strategy. This detachment helps them cope with the stress and trauma of their environment but can become problematic in adulthood when it triggers in non-threatening situations, like a family visit.

Harry's Story

Harry’s Background

Harry's background provides a classic example. As a child, Harry's parents were emotionally unavailable. They rarely showed affection or provided the emotional support he needed. Instead, they focused on his academic and extracurricular achievements, often neglecting his emotional well-being.

This emotional neglect led Harry to develop a powerful imagination as well as dissociation as a coping mechanism. During visits to his childhood home, the old patterns of emotional neglect resurface, triggering his dissociation.

Harry’s Adult Life

Harry has built a successful career as a sought-after screenwriter and showrunner in his adult life. His wife of 11 years, Marjorie, is an entertainment lawyer. She is supportive and understanding, and they have two sons, Kyle, 9, and Ezra, 7.

However, the unresolved issues from his childhood continue to affect him, particularly during visits to his parents. The familiar environment of his childhood home acts as a trigger, causing Harry to dissociate to escape his emotional discomfort.

The Trigger: A Visit to the Childhood Home

During a recent visit, Harry found himself zoning out. His mind drifted, and he became unaware of his surroundings. This dissociation was his brain’s way of protecting him from the emotional pain of his past. When he ‘woke up,’ he was in the middle of an argument with Marjorie about missing their agreed-upon curfew to leave. Harry’s dissociation was not a conscious decision but an automatic response to the emotional stress of being in his childhood home.

The Science of Dissociation

Neuroscience and Dissociation

Dissociation is closely linked to how the brain processes trauma. The amygdala, which is responsible for detecting threats and triggering the fight-or-flight response, becomes overactive in individuals with a history of trauma.

This heightened state of alertness can cause the prefrontal cortex, responsible for rational thought and decision-making, to become underactive. This imbalance can lead to dissociation as the brain tries to cope with the overwhelming emotional stress.

Psychological Perspectives

From a psychological perspective, dissociation can be understood as a defense mechanism. Sigmund Freud first introduced the concept of defense mechanisms, including dissociation, to describe how the ego protects itself from anxiety and distress.

Modern psychology recognizes dissociation as a complex phenomenon that can involve multiple cognitive and emotional processes.

Research on Childhood Trauma and Dissociation

Numerous studies have explored the link between childhood trauma and dissociation.

For example, a study by Putnam (1997) found that children who experienced physical or sexual abuse were more likely to develop dissociative symptoms.

Another study by Lotti (1999) highlighted that emotional neglect and attachment issues in childhood could also lead to dissociative tendencies in adulthood.

These findings underscore the importance of addressing childhood trauma to mitigate its long-term effects on mental health.

Improving Situational Awareness: Strategies and Best Practices

Recognizing and managing dissociation is crucial for individuals like Harry. Here are some best practices to improve situational awareness:

Mindfulness Practices

Engaging in mindfulness exercises can help folks stay present and aware of their surroundings. Techniques like deep breathing, meditation, and grounding exercises can reduce the likelihood of dissociation.

For Harry, practicing mindfulness before and during visits to his parent's home can help him stay connected to the present moment and reduce his tendency to zone out.

Therapeutic Support

My work with Harry will address his underlying trauma and develop strategies to manage dissociation. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

I’ll be working with Harry to process his childhood experiences and develop healthier coping mechanisms that are both specific and actionable.

Open Communication

Discussing feelings and experiences with a partner or another trusted individual can provide support and reduce feelings of isolation. Marjorie’s awareness and support can be instrumental in helping Harry stay grounded during family visits.

Open communication can also help Marjorie understand Harry's dissociation and provide the necessary support. I’ll be working on that too.

Setting Boundaries

Establishing clear boundaries with family members can reduce stress and emotional triggers. For Harry, setting a firm time limit for visits or having a predetermined exit plan can help manage his emotional responses.

Harry needs to communicate these boundaries to his parents and to Marjorie, ensuring everyone is on the same page.

Self-Care Practices

Incorporating self-care practices into daily life can enhance overall emotional resilience. Activities such as exercise, hobbies, and spending time with loved ones can provide a buffer against stress and improve emotional well-being.

Harry should prioritize self-care, especially during high-stress, like family visits.

Recognizing Triggers

Identifying and understanding triggers is a crucial step in managing dissociation.

Harry needs to recognize what specific aspects of his parents' home or behavior trigger his dissociation. This awareness can help him prepare and employ coping strategies in advance.

Going Deeper into Dissociation

Cultural and Interpersonal Aspects

It's also important to consider cultural and interpersonal aspects of dissociation. In some cultures, dissociative experiences may be more accepted or even encouraged to cope with stress.

Additionally, interpersonal factors, such as the quality of relationships and social support, can influence the development and expression of dissociation.

Attachment Theory

Attachment theory provides valuable insights into the development of dissociation. According to attachment theory, early experiences with caregivers shape the way folks relate to others and regulate their emotions.

Children who experience consistent and responsive caregiving develop secure attachment styles associated with better emotional regulation and a lower risk of dissociation.

In contrast, children who experience neglect or abuse may develop insecure attachment styles, which can contribute to the development of dissociative symptoms.

Neurobiological Underpinnings

Neurobiological research has also shed light on the underlying mechanisms of dissociation. Studies using neuroimaging techniques have shown that individuals with dissociative disorders may have alterations in brain structure and function, particularly in areas involved in emotion regulation and self-awareness. These findings suggest that dissociation is not simply a psychological response but also has a neurobiological basis.

Final thoughts

Dissociation is a common response to traumatic or emotionally constipated childhoods.

Let’s focus on implementing strategies to help you stay present-moment-focused. It could significantly improve situational awareness and emotional well-being.

For folks like Harry, mindfulness practices, therapeutic support, open communication, setting boundaries, and self-care are key steps toward managing dissociation effectively.

As a couples therapist, it's essential to guide folks in recognizing the impact of childhood trauma on their current relationships and mental health.

By recognizing that the past sometimes hijacks our attention, we can help navigate the complexities of dissociation and build healthier, more resilient lives.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Publishing.

Courtois, C. A., & Ford, J. D. (2009). Treating complex traumatic stress disorders: An evidence-based guide. Guilford Press.

van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking.

Lotti, G. (1999). Disorganized attachment as a model for understanding dissociative psychopathology. Attachment & Human Development, 1(1), 71-89.

Putnam, F. W. (1997). Dissociation in children and adolescents: A developmental perspective. The Guilford Press.

Schore, A. N. (2001). Effects of a secure attachment relationship on right brain development, affect regulation, and infant mental health. Infant Mental Health Journal, 22(1-2), 7-66.