What’s a Neurodiverse Couple?

Tuesday, November 28, 2023.

What’s a neurodiverse couple?

A neurodiverse relationship exists when one spouse is Neurotypical (NT), and the other is neurodiverse (ND).

Neurotypical means that your brain operates within the same parameters as the bulk of humanity.

This means you are not manifesting traits or states associated with neurodiversity. To be neurotypical is to not be gifted, to not be dyslexic, and your executive functioning is not compromised by ADHD.

To be neurodiverse is to be bestowed with a brain which operates quite differently from most humans.

You may have states and traits characteristic of being neurodiverse, such as giftedness, dyslexia, ADHD etc.

But what about a diagnosis?… Don’t we need a diagnosis first?

I’ve worked with many couples who were self-diagnosed. These are curious souls who relentless try to figure out why their communication leaves them so frequently unsatisfied.

It’s not uncommon for couples to contact me after more than one failed attempt with a conventionally trained couples therapist. They often focus on suitability of “fit.”

For many there is an epiphany of recognition, as what they learn through psychoeducation with their new therapist relieves them of a burdensome sense of failure to recognize their differing neurotypes.

Most therapists trained to work with neurodiverse couples do not undertake formal assessments. Typically, for those focused on assessment, I’ll refer them to a psychiatrist, neurologist, or any other appropriately trained colleague.

How is Neurodiverse Couples Therapy different from conventional couples therapy?

Conventional couples therapy readily sees that each partner has their own discrete thoughts and feelings. However, conventional couples therapies have a neurotypical bias of omission. In other words, they fail to notice the significance of these neurological differences, and the role they play in relational conflicts.

Neurodiverse couples therapy focuses on exploring, if not outright mapping how each partner’s brain patterns directly shapes their immediate experience of their partner, themselves, and the world itself (I can help with that).

That’s why Neurodiverse Couple Therapy is as concrete AF…

Couples therapy exists in the first place because all couples need help from time to time.

However, the issue remains that neurodiverse couples struggle to find appropriate help because too many otherwise dedicated couples therapists lack the appropriate training and experience.

Some, sadly, are utterly unfamiliar with the notion of neurodiversity all together.

A good couples therapist who chooses to work with this population also assumes the responsibility of staying current in the field.

I’ll be focusing more on neurodivergent couples in the future.

And I’ll continue to do my level-best to offer the most current and unbiased psychoeducation about neurodiversity, and other marriage and family therapy dynamics.

I’ll also be writing more about human neurotypes, and especially how address them through couples work together with clarity, compassion, and respect.

Be well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.