What is a CSA Survivor?

Monday, June 24, 2024.

"What is a CSA survivor?" This crucial question addresses the experiences of folks who endured Childhood Sexual Abuse (CSA) and its profound impact on their adult lives, especially within intimate relationships.

I've seen firsthand the complexities and challenges that CSA survivors face in their romantic partnerships. This blog post considers the long-lasting effects of CSA, how these issues manifest in couples therapy, and strategies for fostering healing and intimacy.

The Lingering Shadows of Childhood Sexual Abuse

Childhood Sexual Abuse is a deeply traumatic experience with enduring psychological, emotional, and physical repercussions. Survivors often grapple with feelings of shame, guilt, and mistrust that can permeate their adult relationships. According to Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, a leading trauma expert, "Trauma fundamentally changes the way we perceive the world and our place in it" (van der Kolk, 2014). This altered perception can create significant barriers to forming and maintaining healthy intimate relationships.

Common Challenges in Intimate Relationships

Trust Issues: CSA survivors often find it difficult to trust their partners fully. This mistrust can stem from their betrayal by someone they knew, loved, or were supposed to trust during childhood. This lack of trust can lead to heightened anxiety and a need for constant reassurance within the relationship.

Intimacy Struggles: Physical intimacy can trigger painful memories for CSA survivors. They may experience discomfort, fear, or even dissociation during intimate moments. This can create an insurmountable barrier to establishing a fulfilling sexual relationship.

Emotional Dysregulation: CSA survivors frequently exhibit heightened emotional sensitivity and dysregulation. They might experience intense emotions, mood swings, or difficulty managing stress, which can strain the relationship.

Addiction Issues. It’s been estimated that 70% of CSA survivors struggle at some point with often hidden addiction issues.

Self-Esteem Issues: Low self-esteem is a common aftermath of CSA. Survivors may struggle with feelings of worthlessness or inadequacy, affecting their ability to give and receive love. We need to be franker, as a community of practice, in discussing the plethora of personality disorders, such as BPD and Covert Narcissism, that are often co-occurring with CSA.

How These Issues Show Up in Couples Therapy

In couples therapy, these challenges often surface in various ways:

• Communication Breakdown: Mistrust and fear of vulnerability can lead to poor communication. CSA survivors often withhold their true feelings or avoid discussing their trauma, creating a disconnect with their partner.

• Avoidance of Intimacy: Survivors may avoid physical closeness, leading to frustration and misunderstanding in their partner. This avoidance can create a robust cycle of rejection and resentment.

• Projection of Fears: CSA survivors might project their fears and insecurities onto their partners, interpreting innocent actions as threats or betrayals.

• Dependency: Some survivors might develop dependent behaviors, excessively relying on their partner for validation and support. Others might silently crave that validation and deeply resent its absence.

Therapeutic Approaches and Healing Strategies

Trauma-Informed Therapy: Utilizing trauma-informed therapy approaches and knowing which modalities can help CSA survivors process their trauma and reduce its impact on their current relationships. If you’ve read this far, let me know. I can help with that.

Building Trust: Couples therapy can focus on rebuilding trust through open communication, empathy, and consistent support. Partners can learn to provide a safe and non-judgmental space for the survivor to express their feelings.

Enhancing Intimacy: Therapists can guide couples in exploring non-sexual forms of intimacy to build comfort and trust. Gradual exposure to physical closeness, with the survivor's consent, can help reduce anxiety around intimacy. CSA survivors are often overwhelmed with the tasks of intimacy.

Emotional Regulation Techniques: Teaching survivors and their partners emotional regulation techniques, such as mindfulness and grounding exercises, can help manage intense emotions and improve relationship stability.

Self-Esteem Building: Encouraging CSA survivors to engage in self-esteem-building activities and affirmations can foster a healthier self-image, benefiting their relationship dynamics.

It’s not often discussed, but part of the task of dealing with CSA survivors is challenging their self-absorption while providing a sufficient, but not suffocating, degree of safety.

Final thoughts

The unique challenges that CSA survivors face in intimate relationships are crucial for fostering healing and growth. The obstacle is the way.

As a couples therapist, I believe that creating a safe and supportive environment where both partners can explore their feelings and experiences is only the obvious first step to overcoming these obstacles.

But perhaps just as important is a willingness to take yourself on. For some, this is another violation. The only way out is through. Some learn this too late.

No end-run avoids addressing the deep-seated effects of CSA.

But by implementing tailored therapeutic approaches, couples can work towards building trust, intimacy, and a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.

Choose your therapist wisely, and early. Don’t wait for resentment to fester.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking.

Cloitre, M., Courtois, C. A., Charuvastra, A., Carapezza, R., Stolbach, B. C., & Green, B. L. (2011). Treatment of complex PTSD: Results of the ISTSS expert clinician survey on best practices. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 24(6), 615-627.

Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence--From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. Basic Books.

Schwartz, R. (1995). Internal Family Systems Therapy. Guilford Press.

Levine, P. A. (1997). Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma. North Atlantic Books.