The Trajectory of Love: A Rollercoaster of Hope, Disappointment, and Mild Indigestion
Wednesday, February 12, 2025.
If love were a stock market, we’d all be terrible investors.
We dive in at an all-time high, convinced we’ve struck gold, only to watch the market crash into a series of disappointments, mismatched socks, and arguments about which direction the toilet paper edge should face.
And yet, despite the inevitable declines, we keep reinvesting in love like a bunch of optimistic fools.
A new study published in the Journal of Personality & Social Psychology confirms what anyone who’s been in a relationship longer than a Netflix trial already suspects: relationship satisfaction starts strong but fades over time.
This downward spiral is even steeper in relationships that eventually go up in flames.
And if you think jumping into a new romance will solve the problem—well, buckle up, because you’re just strapping yourself into another ride on the same emotional rollercoaster.
Love Over Time: The Data Doesn't Lie (Even If We Do)
Researchers Janina Larissa Bühler and Ulrich Orth analyzed data from the Longitudinal Study of Generations, tracking 2,268 participants aged 16 to 90 years across two decades. Participants were asked about their relationship status in multiple waves of data collection, allowing the researchers to classify them into three groups:
Those in long-term, still-going-strong relationships (or at least, still going).
Those whose relationships went the way of the dinosaurs.
Those who repartnered after a breakup (a.k.a. hopeful romantics with short memories).
To measure satisfaction, researchers used the Gilford-Bengtson Marital Satisfaction Scale, a tool designed to assess just how much one enjoys—or barely tolerates—their partner.
This scale considers the frequency of positive interactions, arguments, and overall contentment, along with other variables such as age, gender, relationship length, and whether there were children involved (kids tend to make things more "exciting," but not necessarily more satisfying).
The Three Stages of Romantic Optimism (And Its Demise)
Long-Term Love: A Slow Decline into Roommate Status
Couples who stayed together experienced a modest but steady decline in satisfaction. It’s a bit like a slow leak in a balloon—over time, the excitement deflates, but if you’re lucky, you’re still left with a functional, albeit slightly saggy, balloon.
The Doom Spiral: Relationships Destined to Fail
The couples who eventually broke up? They had lower satisfaction from the get-go, and it only got worse. This group reported sharper declines, suggesting that some relationships aren’t just doomed in the long run—they were probably doomed before they even agreed on their first WiFi password.
New Love: The Sugar Rush That Ends in a Crash
People who repartnered after a breakup initially reported a surge in satisfaction—higher than when they first started their previous relationship.
This is great news if you love the honeymoon phase, but bad news if you expected it to last.
Eventually, satisfaction declined again, following the same pattern as before. It’s as if love is playing a cruel joke, letting you think, This time will be different, only to remind you that, statistically speaking, it probably won’t.
A Few Twists in the Plot: Kids, Timing, and the Aftermath
Couples with children experienced steeper declines in satisfaction. It turns out that little bundles of joy are also little bundles of sleep deprivation, logistical nightmares, and financial drain. Who knew?
People who rushed into a new relationship too soon after a breakup reported lower satisfaction. Turns out, rebounding like a pinball isn’t a great long-term strategy for love.
So, What’s the Takeaway?
Love is a bit like gravity—inescapable, often painful, but also necessary for keeping our fragile human connections from floating into the abyss.
This study confirms what poets, philosophers, and your slightly bitter divorced uncle have been saying for centuries: relationships change over time, and satisfaction is never a fixed state.
While new love might feel exhilarating, the long-term reality requires something far less sexy—emotional resilience, communication, and an acceptance that some level of dissatisfaction is inevitable.
This is the very problem which justifies the existence of science-based couples therapy.
After which, if you can still laugh together when your partner misloads the dishwasher for the hundredth time, we just might just be on to something.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Bühler, J. L., & Orth, U. (2025). How Relationship Satisfaction Changes Within and Across Romantic Relationships: Evidence From a Large Longitudinal Study. Journal of Personality & Social Psychology.