Navigating Love Across Borders: Understanding the Cultural Dynamics When a Foreign-Born Partner Moves to the USA

Saturday, October 12, 2024. For A&A with affection.

When foreign-born partners relocate to the U.S., a common challenge involves reconciling cultural expectations around love, marriage, and gender roles.

For instance, folks from collectivist cultures—such as those from Latin America, Asia, or parts of the Middle East—often prioritize family ties and community obligations over individual autonomy.

In contrast, American culture tends to emphasize independence, personal fulfillment, and self-expression in relationships (Triandis, 1995).

This divergence can lead to tension if the foreign-born partner feels torn between their duty to extended family and the U.S.-born partner’s expectation of a more private, autonomous relationship.

Research shows that immigrants from collectivist cultures often struggle with "cultural role strain" (Tseng, 2002), as they try to adapt to the highly individualistic norms of American society without losing touch with their cultural roots.

Immigration and Family Dynamics: Pressure from the Home Country

For example, partners from Indian, Chinese, or Mexican backgrounds may find the more informal, egalitarian marital dynamics in the U.S. starkly different from the hierarchical or traditional roles they grew up with (Falicov, 2001).

In many cultures, marriage is not seen as solely a union between two romantic partners but rather between two families.

This holds particularly true for immigrants from South Asian, Middle Eastern, and Latin American cultures, where family approval and involvement in the marriage are highly valued (García Coll & Marks, 2011).

The foreign-born partner may face intense pressure from their family back home to adhere to traditional expectations, leading to stress in their relationship with their U.S.-born partner.

For instance, the U.S.-born partner may not understand the importance of family decisions regarding career, child-rearing, or even finances, which are often made collectively in cultures where family hierarchy is paramount.

Studies show that partners from cultures that value filial piety, such as Chinese or Vietnamese backgrounds, often feel obligated to financially support parents or siblings even after emigrating, which can become a point of contention (Hwang, 2006). Negotiating these cultural expectations while building a life in the U.S. is a delicate balance that can lead to relationship strain.

Gender Role Shifts: Challenges for Foreign-Born Women

For many foreign-born women, moving to the U.S. may represent a significant shift in gender dynamics.

In countries with more patriarchal structures, women often take on traditional roles in the family, such as homemaking and caregiving (Espiritu, 1997).

Upon relocating to the U.S., foreign-born women from these cultures may experience newfound independence, which can create friction in their relationships if their U.S.-born partner has different expectations about household responsibilities or work.

For example, Latina or Middle Eastern women might find themselves empowered by the more egalitarian gender roles in the U.S., but this newfound agency can sometimes lead to conflict if their U.S.-born partner expects them to adhere to more traditional roles (Read & Oselin, 2008).

The evolving gender dynamics can also affect men from more patriarchal societies (e.g., Pakistan, Saudi Arabia), who may struggle with adjusting to the expectations of more equal partnership in marriage (Rajan, 2003).

Religious Differences: Navigating Faith and Spirituality

Religion is another area where cultural conflicts may arise. In countries where religion is deeply intertwined with daily life and social norms—such as in Islamic, Hindu, or Catholic-majority nations—foreign-born partners may find the secularism prevalent in many parts of the U.S. disorienting (Pew Research Center, 2015).

Differences in religious beliefs and practices can become a source of stress, particularly if the U.S.-born partner doesn’t fully appreciate the significance of religious rituals and traditions in their partner’s life.

For example, Muslim partners may find challenges in observing their faith in a largely non-Muslim society, especially when it comes to religious practices like fasting during Ramadan, praying five times a day, or wearing religious attire such as the hijab.

These visible markers of faith can also bring external pressures, such as discrimination or misunderstanding from the larger society, which further complicates the relationship (Haddad, 2002).

Meanwhile, immigrant partners from predominantly Catholic or Orthodox Christian countries, like Mexico or Greece, might experience tension if their U.S.-born partner has a more relaxed approach to religious observance. Negotiating these religious differences while fostering mutual respect is key to maintaining harmony (Dillon, 1999).

Work-Life Balance: Career Barriers for Foreign-Born Partners

One of the most significant sources of tension in relocation often comes from employment challenges. Many foreign-born partners find it difficult to secure jobs that match their qualifications, especially when their credentials are not recognized in the U.S. (Colic-Peisker & Tilbury, 2006).

This can be particularly frustrating for highly educated professionals from countries like India, China, or Nigeria, where academic and professional achievements carry high social value.

As a result, these partners may experience a loss of status, which can affect their self-esteem and lead to feelings of inadequacy (Bauder, 2005).

Additionally, immigrant partners may find themselves working long hours in low-paying jobs, often in industries like food service or manual labor, which may not allow for much work-life balance (Zhou, 2006).

This can become a source of stress in the relationship, especially if the U.S.-born partner is employed in a more stable, higher-paying job. The pressure of financial inequality may lead to feelings of dependency, which can further strain the relationship (Chiswick & Miller, 2009).

Embracing Cultural Differences for a Stronger Relationship

Relocation and love across borders involve navigating a myriad of cultural, social, and personal dynamics.

Our task as marriage and family therapists is understanding the specific cultural challenges that arise in cross-border relationships, so that our client-couples can be better equipped to tackle the predictable issues that relocation brings.

With open communication, respect for cultural differences, and a willingness to adapt, love can thrive despite the complexities of cultural adjustment.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Bauder, H. (2005). Labor market segregation and immigrant participation in low-wage industries in the U.S.. International Migration Review, 39(1), 98-121.

Chiswick, B. R., & Miller, P. W. (2009). The international transferability of immigrants’ human capital. Economics of Education Review, 28(2), 162-169.

Colic-Peisker, V., & Tilbury, F. (2006). Employment niches for recent refugees: Segmented labour market in twenty-first century Australia. Journal of Refugee Studies, 19(2), 203-229.

Dillon, M. (1999). Catholic identity: Balancing reason, faith, and power. Cambridge University Press.

Espiritu, Y. L. (1997). Asian American women and men: Labor, laws, and love. Sage.

Falicov, C. J. (2001). Latino families in therapy: A guide to multicultural practice. Guilford Press.

García Coll, C., & Marks, A. K. (2011). The immigrant paradox in children and adolescents: Is becoming American a developmental risk? American Psychological Association.

Haddad, Y. Y. (2002). Muslim minorities in the West: Visible and invisible. AltaMira Press.

Hwang, K. K. (2006). Filial piety and loyalty: Two types of social identification in Confucianism. Asian Journal of Social Psychology, 9(1), 131-141.

Pew Research Center. (2015). The future of world religions: Population growth projections, 2010-2050.

Rajan, I. (2003). Migration and marriage: Hegemony or human rights? Gender & Development, 11(2), 29-36.

Read, J. G., & Oselin, S. S. (2008). Gender and the education–employment paradox in ethnic minority immigrant communities. Sociology of Education, 81(3), 234-257.

Triandis, H. C. (1995). Individualism and collectivism. Westview Press.

Tseng, W. (2002). Culture, adaptation, and mental health: Recent findings from the field of cross-cultural psychology. International Journal of Intercultural Relations, 26(2), 179-197.

Zhou, M. (2006). Contemporary Chinese America: Immigration, ethnicity, and community transformation. Temple University Press.