The paradox of other humans…
Monday, October 16, 2023.
Here’s something you probably already know. Other humans have the capacity to either make us very happy or very sad.
Research suggests that the thing about humans is that they are at their happiest and least happy when they spend time with other humans, research finds.
The key to happiness with other humans
Humans are happy when they are with other humans by their own volition. When humans are with others by choice they are, as a rule, happier than when alone.
But, when they are with others not by choice, they are, give or take, less happy than when they are alone.
In other words, choice seems to matter less when people are alone.
Humans can be intense…
The reason seems to be that experiences with other people are more extreme than when alone.
Other people have the capacity to make us very happy and very sad, but when alone most people tend towards a more neutral emotional state.
The differences could be partly explained by the sense of meaning that people give to actions with others, the study’s authors write:
“People felt that their actions were more meaningful ‘with others’ than alone.
This, though, does not necessarily imply that the alone setting was less desirable, as it could reflect the sense that having others observe your actions makes them more consequential.”
Other people make interactions more intense and arousing and involve people in thinking about how they appear to others.
Being alone, though linked to less happiness, is still beneficial, the authors write:
“Aloneness (by choice and not) emerged as a setting of relative stability, with participants experiencing their different alone conditions quite similarly.
Therefore, solitude might not present immediate benefits to well-being, but it does appear to offer a more predictable experience, and if utilized effectively could be a source of personal growth.”
How the study was conducted
The study included 155 students whose experiences were sampled 10 times across across as many consecutive days.
They were asked whether they were alone.. or not and how they were feeling.
The results showed they were with other humans 60% of the time, but only 64% of the time was this by choice.
Dr. Liad Uziel, the study’s first author, summed it up:
“The current research expands upon these conclusions by learning about people’s experiences in real life, outside the lab, and by addressing the choice element as an important moderating factor.
In both cases, social experiences are more intense, for better or worse.”
Final thoughts
What I find interesting about this study is the curious spin the researchers are putting on their findings. They seem to be saying that one of the outcomes of being alone are extended periods of uneventful emotional neutrality.
But the moment you add another human in the mix, everything changes.
Be well, stay kind, and Godspeed.
RESEARCH:
Uziel, L., Schmidt-Barad, T. Choice Matters More with Others: Choosing to be with Other People is More Consequential to Well-Being than Choosing to be Alone. J Happiness Stud 23, 2469–2489 (2022). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-022-00506-5
