Is Neurodivergence a New Normal? Why the Family Operating System Is Changing
Sunday, March 23, 2025.
If your child is flapping their hands while explaining the plot of a cartoon in microscopic detail—and you’re Googling “Is this normal?”—you’re not alone. Welcome to the new normal, where the family operating system is being rewritten in real time.
Once upon a time, parenting was about conformity.
Children were expected to sit still, speak when spoken to, and color inside the lines—preferably with the correct grip. But now, more families are discovering that the “rules” don’t apply.
Or rather, they never did.
Neurodivergence is no longer an outlier; it’s a reality shaping how families communicate, regulate, and grow. And the culture is finally catching up—if only just.
Let’s trace how we got here, how the memes reflect the movement, and why this shift may be the single most optimistic development in modern parenting.
A Brief History of “Normal”
For much of the 20th century, childhood development was benchmarked against a rigid idea of “normal”—a word as smug as it is slippery.
Psychologists like Arnold Gesell promoted strict developmental milestones, while schools enforced compliance through desks, bells, and behavioral charts.
By the 1980s and 1990s, diagnoses like ADHD and autism became more widely recognized—but often framed as deficits, not differences. Children were treated as broken versions of a standard model.
But something began to shift in the early 2000s. Parents, especially mothers, began to share stories online—first in forums, then in blogs, and now in viral TikToks. The message? “My kid isn’t broken. The system is.”
This cultural shift gave rise to the neurodiversity movement, pioneered by autistic self-advocates and supported by progressive educators and psychologists (Singer, 1999; Armstrong, 2010). Neurodivergence moved from pathology to identity.
The Meme Revolution: From “My Kid’s Weird” to “My Kid Is Wired Differently”
Today’s neurodiverse parenting memes are less about panic and more about pride. You’ve likely seen:
“If you’ve never had to negotiate sock texture at 6:45 AM, do you even parent?”
“Shoutout to all the ADHD parents raising ADHD kids in a world that doesn’t believe in ADHD.”
“My child has a PhD in dinosaurs and a restraining order from math.”
These are not just jokes. They’re lifelines. They give exhausted parents language, humor, and solidarity. They also reflect a deeper truth: the family system is adapting—beautifully, creatively, and chaotically.
Philosophical Question: What If Neurodivergence Isn’t the Exception—But the Future?
Here’s the radical question: What if neurodivergence is not a deviation from the norm, but part of humanity’s evolutionary toolkit?
Neurodivergent traits—hyperfocus, pattern detection, sensory sensitivity—aren’t “disorders” in isolation. In the right context, they’re superpowers. The only thing that makes them disabling is a rigid environment that demands sameness.
This aligns with the social model of disability, which argues that people are not disabled by their minds or bodies but by the systems that refuse to accommodate them (Oliver, 1990).
What does this mean for parenting?
It means the job isn’t to “fix” your child. It’s to learn their operating system and love them within it.
The Data: Diagnoses Are Rising—and So Is Awareness
According to the CDC, rates of autism spectrum disorder have increased from 1 in 150 in 2000 to 1 in 36 by 2020 (Maenner et al., 2023). ADHD diagnoses among children have also risen steadily, now estimated at over 9.8% in the U.S. (Danielson et al., 2018).
Critics argue this reflects overdiagnosis or changing criteria. But another explanation is simpler: we’re finally noticing.
More children are being seen, not just labeled. And parents are refusing to let stigma shape their child’s story.
Still, the system hasn’t caught up. Schools, medical forms, insurance companies—all are built on neurotypical assumptions. The result? Parents become full-time translators, coaches, and advocates. And yes, they are tired.
The Real Work: Changing the Family Operating System
Raising a neurodivergent child often requires a thoughtful reboot of parenting strategies. What works for one child might send another into a sensory spiral. And the good news is—this reboot often makes parenting better for everyone.
Research supports this. Families who engage in strengths-based, neurodiversity-affirming parenting report higher cohesion, better emotional regulation, and improved parent-child relationships (Prizant, 2015; Kapp et al., 2013).
Here’s what that looks like in practice:
Replace Discipline with Co-Regulation: When a meltdown happens, your job isn’t to “correct” it—it’s to soothe the nervous system.
Routines with Flexibility: Predictability calms the brain, but don’t confuse structure with rigidity.
Sensory Literacy: Know what textures, sounds, or environments overwhelm your child. And advocate for them without shame.
These are not hacks. They are a new parenting language—one built around attunement instead of control.
What the Future Looks Like (If We’re Lucky)
In the ideal future, parenting will no longer be about fitting your child into society but reshaping society to fit your child.
That means:
Classrooms designed for movement and rest
Workplace policies that account for cognitive variation
Family systems that see behavior as communication, not defiance
It also means parenting will become more collaborative, more curious, and—yes—more weird.
And that’s a good thing.
Because weird is just another word for original.
Final Reflection: When You See Your Child, They See Themselves
When you stop asking, “How do I fix this?” and start asking, “How can I join them?”, everything changes.
Your child doesn’t need to be reprogrammed. They need to be understood.
And you, dear parent, are not failing. You are pioneering.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Armstrong, T. (2010). The power of neurodiversity: Unleashing the advantages of your differently wired brain. Da Capo Lifelong Books.
Danielson, M. L., Bitsko, R. H., Ghandour, R. M., Holbrook, J. R., Kogan, M. D., & Blumberg, S. J. (2018). Prevalence of parent-reported ADHD diagnosis and associated treatment among U.S. children and adolescents, 2016. Journal of Clinical Child & Adolescent Psychology, 47(2), 199–212. https://doi.org/10.1080/15374416.2017.1417860
Kapp, S. K., Gillespie-Lynch, K., Sherman, L. E., & Hutman, T. (2013). Deficit, difference, or both? Autism and neurodiversity. Developmental Psychology, 49(1), 59–71. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0028353
Maenner, M. J., Shaw, K. A., Bakian, A. V., Bilder, D. A., Durkin, M. S., Esler, A., ... & Cogswell, M. E. (2023). Prevalence and characteristics of autism spectrum disorder among children aged 8 years—Autism and Developmental Disabilities Monitoring Network, 11 sites, United States, 2020. MMWR Surveillance Summaries, 72(2), 1–14. https://doi.org/10.15585/mmwr.ss7202a1
Oliver, M. (1990). The politics of disablement. Macmillan Education.
Prizant, B. M. (2015). Uniquely human: A different way of seeing autism. Simon and Schuster.
Singer, J. (1999). Why can’t you be normal for once in your life? In M. Corker & S. French (Eds.), Disability discourse(pp. 59–67). Open University Press.