Navigating Relationship Burnout Post-Pandemic: Insights from Reddit and Social Science

Friday, September 6, 2024.

The COVID-19 pandemic forced many couples into uncharted territory, leading to emotional strain and burnout. As we begin to emerge from this unprecedented period, many couples are looking for ways to reconnect and rekindle their relationships.

On Reddit, users frequently express the exhaustion they feel from prolonged togetherness and share stories of navigating relationship burnout. Rebuilding intimacy, communication, and personal space are common challenges that post-pandemic couples face.

Understanding Relationship Burnout

One Reddit user shared, “It’s like we’ve been stuck in survival mode for two years, and now we don’t know how to get out of it.” This sentiment is echoed in many pandemic-era relationships. As the Gottman Institute notes, when couples are in "survival mode," they often lose the everyday rituals of connection—morning hugs, meaningful conversations, and simple affection—all of which help sustain emotional intimacy (Gottman Institute, 2024).

• Rebuilding Personal Boundaries

During the pandemic, personal boundaries were blurred as couples spent nearly all their time together. Reddit users often voice frustrations about the lack of space, with one saying, “I feel like I don’t have any time for myself, and I don’t know how to ask for it without hurting my partner’s feelings.”

Research supports the importance of maintaining individuality within a relationship. Dr. John Gottman’s work shows that couples need both intimacy and independence to thrive (Gottman & Silver, 1999). Re-establishing personal time, such as engaging in separate hobbies or taking solo walks, can restore balance and prevent emotional fatigue.

Discuss what personal space looks like for each of you and agree on strategies to carve out that time without guilt.

• Communicate Openly About Burnout

Burnout in relationships often manifests as emotional exhaustion. One Reddit user confessed, “We’re both burned out, but we just keep pretending everything is okay. It’s not.” This reflects the widespread issue of couples suppressing their feelings, leading to deeper dissatisfaction.

Psychologist Dr. Christina Maslach, a leading researcher on burnout, notes that emotional exhaustion is one of the core components of burnout (Maslach & Leiter, 2016). In relationships, this can lead to withdrawal, irritability, and a breakdown in communication. Having open and honest conversations about feeling overwhelmed is a crucial step in rebuilding emotional intimacy.

Use “I” statements to express your feelings, such as “I’ve been feeling really exhausted lately, and I think it’s affecting how we connect.”

• Rekindling Intimacy

Rebuilding emotional and physical intimacy after the pandemic can feel challenging. On Reddit, couples frequently mention how their physical relationship has suffered, with one person stating, “It feels like we’ve forgotten how to be intimate—it’s like we’re roommates now.”

Dr. Esther Perel, a renowned relationship expert, emphasizes that intimacy starts with small gestures of affection, such as holding hands or sharing a quiet moment together (Perel, 2007). Reddit discussions reveal that couples who reintroduce small acts of touch—like holding hands or cuddling—report feeling emotionally closer. These small steps can pave the way for deeper intimacy over time.

Start small. Spend a few minutes at the end of each day holding hands or sharing something about your day without distractions.

• Prioritize Couple Time

With life reopening, many couples are finding themselves pulled in multiple directions, leaving little time for each other. As one Reddit user shared, “Now that life is getting back to normal, we’ve fallen into the habit of neglecting our relationship—it’s like we’ve taken a step backward.”

A Monmouth University poll found that only 60% of respondents in 2022 reported being “extremely satisfied” in their relationship, down from 70% the previous year (Psychology Today, 2022). This data suggests that couples are struggling to prioritize their relationships as they return to pre-pandemic routines.

Schedule dedicated couple time each week, even if it’s just for an hour. Whether it’s a date night, a walk, or a shared meal without distractions, intentional time together can help rebuild the connection.

Final thoughts

Post-pandemic burnout is a real and challenging issue, but it doesn’t have to be the end of the road for your relationship. By re-establishing personal boundaries, openly discussing burnout, rekindling intimacy, and prioritizing couple time, couples can rebuild their connection and emerge stronger than before. Just as Reddit users are sharing their struggles, they’re also sharing stories of hope and renewal—proving that with effort, relationships can thrive even after the most difficult of times.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES:

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Three Rivers Press.

Maslach, C., & Leiter, M. P. (2016). The Truth About Burnout: How Organizations Cause Personal Stress and What to Do About It. Jossey-Bass.

Perel, E. (2007). Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence. Harper.

Psychology Today. (2022). The Long Tail of COVID-19 for Our Romantic Relationships. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com