Mastery of Self: Unpacking an American Cultural Meme Through the Lens of Cultural Narcissism
Friday, August 18, 2024. Revised October 22, 2024.
The American meme of "mastery of self" is both celebrated and critiqued in the context of a culture that increasingly values individualism, self-sufficiency, and personal achievement.
It is a concept that taps into the very heart of what it means to be American, with roots in the Protestant work ethic and the robust myth of the“self-made man.”
Yet, as we delve deeper into this meme, it becomes clear that its implications are not purely positive.
This cultural ideal can morph into a form of Cultural Narcissism that prioritizes the self over community, leading to both personal and relational dysfunction.
Most couples therapists have witnessed how this meme influences not only partners, but also the fabric of American relationships.
The Origins of "Mastery of Self": From Noble Ideal to Cultural Narcissism
The origins of the "mastery of self" meme can be traced back to the early days of American history, where the idea of self-reliance was not just a personal goal but a necessary survival skill. Pioneers who settled the American frontier had to rely on their wits, skills, and inner strength to thrive in a harsh and often unforgiving environment.
Over time, this evolved into a cultural narrative that emphasized the importance of mastering oneself to achieve success, happiness, and moral righteousness. This narrative is vividly captured in the writings of Ralph Waldo Emerson, who championed self-reliance as the cornerstone of American individualism (Emerson, 1841/1983).
However, as American society moved from an agrarian to an industrialized and then post-industrial economy, the idea of self-mastery began to take on new meanings.
The rise of consumer culture in the 20th century, particularly after World War II, shifted the focus from collective welfare to individual achievement and self-actualization. The "mastery of self" meme became less about survival and more about personal branding, achievement, and self-optimization.
This shift is emblematic of what cultural critic Christopher Lasch described as the rise of the "culture of narcissism" (Lasch, 1979).
According to Lasch, American culture has increasingly become preoccupied with individual success, fame, and the cultivation of a marketable persona. The "mastery of self" meme, once rooted in community and collective success, has been co-opted by a culture that often prioritizes appearance, status, and personal gratification over deeper, more meaningful forms of connection and contribution.
Adaptive Aspects: The Potential for Personal Growth
Despite its potential pitfalls, the "mastery of self" meme does have adaptive aspects, particularly when it is pursued with a balanced approach.
The pursuit of self-mastery can lead to significant personal growth, self-awareness, and resilience. In therapy, I have worked with clients who have harnessed this meme to overcome personal challenges, such as addiction, trauma, or chronic anxiety.
By focusing on mastering their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, they have been able to regain a sense of control over their lives and build healthier relationships.
For example, the practice of mindfulness, which is often associated with self-mastery, has been shown to have numerous benefits for mental health and well-being.
Mindfulness-based interventions, such as Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), encourage individuals to develop a greater awareness of their thoughts and emotions, allowing them to respond to stressors more effectively (Kabat-Zinn, 1990).
This can be particularly beneficial in relationships, where the ability to regulate one’s emotions and communicate effectively is key to maintaining a strong and healthy bond.
Moreover, the pursuit of self-mastery can foster a sense of purpose and meaning in life. Individuals who set personal goals and strive to achieve them often experience a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction.
This is supported by research in positive psychology, which suggests that goal-setting and the pursuit of personal growth are closely linked to well-being (Sheldon & Elliot, 1999). In relationships, this can translate into a greater sense of partnership, as both partners work together to support each other’s growth and development.
Maladaptive Aspects: The Dark Side of Cultural Narcissism
However, the "mastery of self" meme can also have maladaptive consequences, particularly when it is pursued in a manner that prioritizes self-interest over the well-being of others. In the context of Cultural Narcissism, the pursuit of self-mastery can become a form of self-obsession that leads to isolation, perfectionism, and a lack of empathy.
Cultural Narcissism, as described by Lasch (1979), is characterized by a preoccupation with the self and a diminished capacity for empathy and connection. In a culture that emphasizes self-mastery, folks may become so focused on their own achievements and self-image that they neglect their relationships and communities.
This can lead to a sense of alienation and loneliness, as the drive for personal success overshadows the importance of social bonds.
Some clients who, in their quest for self-mastery, have become increasingly isolated and disconnected from their partners.
They may strive to control every aspect of their lives, including their emotions, behaviors, and even the perceptions of others, but this often comes at the cost of genuine intimacy and connection.
Research has shown that perfectionism, which is closely linked to the pursuit of self-mastery, is associated with a range of mental health issues, including anxiety, depression, and relationship dissatisfaction (Shafran & Mansell, 2001).
Furthermore, the emphasis on self-reliance and individualism can lead to an utter lack of communal responsibility.
In a culture that glorifies the "self-made" sovereign citizen, there is often little, if any, recognition of the social and structural factors that contribute to success or failure.
This can result in a lack of empathy for those who are struggling and a tendency to blame folks for their circumstances rather than recognizing the role of systemic issues. The neoliberal turn in American society, which emphasizes personal responsibility over collective welfare, has only exacerbated this trend (Harvey, 2005).
Mastery of Self vs. Mastery in Relationships: A Balancing Act
As a marriage and family therapist, I often find myself working with clients who are caught between the cultural pressure to achieve self-mastery and the need for connection and intimacy in their relationships. The key, I believe, lies in finding a balance between these two seemingly opposing forces.
Mastery of self, when pursued in isolation, can lead to emotional and relational dysfunction.
However, when integrated with a focus on empathy, connection, and mutual support, it can enhance both individual well-being and relationship satisfaction. This balance is particularly important in a culture that often equates self-mastery with success and views vulnerability as a weakness.
In therapy, I encourage clients to embrace vulnerability as a necessary complement to self-mastery. Vulnerability allows folks to be authentic, to connect with others on a deeper level, and to build trust in their relationships.
Brené Brown (2012) argues that vulnerability is not a sign of weakness but a source of strength and resilience. We can experience true intimacy and connection through vulnerability, which are essential for healthy relationships.
At the same time, it is important to recognize that mastery of self is not an endpoint but a lifelong journey. Life is unpredictable, and no one can be perfectly in control at all times.
Embracing this reality can help us develop self-compassion and resilience rather than fall into the trap of self-blame when things go wrong. Research in self-compassion supports this perspective, suggesting that folks who are kind to themselves in the face of failure are more likely to recover and learn from their experiences (Neff, 2003).
Cultural Narcissism and the Erosion of Community
The rise of Cultural Narcissism and the glorification of self-mastery have also had broader implications for American society, particularly in terms of the erosion of community and social bonds.
As folks become more focused on their own achievements and self-image, there is often less emphasis on communal responsibility and collective well-being.
This shift can be seen in the decline of social capital, as documented by Robert Putnam in his seminal work Bowling Alone (2000). Putnam argues that Americans are becoming increasingly disconnected from one another, with fewer people participating in community activities, volunteering, or engaging in social organizations.
This decline in social capital has been linked to a range of negative outcomes, including increased rates of loneliness, mental health issues, and political polarization.
In the context of Cultural Narcissism, the emphasis on self-mastery can contribute to this erosion of community by promoting a mindset that prioritizes individual success over collective welfare.
As a result, there is often less empathy for those who are struggling, and a tendency to view social problems as the result of personal failings rather than systemic issues. This lack of communal responsibility can also manifest in relationships, where folks may become more focused on their own needs and desires, rather than working together to build a strong and supportive partnership.
Final thoughts
The American meme of "mastery of self" is a complex concept that reflects both the strengths and weaknesses of American culture.
While it can inspire personal growth, resilience, and self-improvement, it can also lead to perfectionism, emotional isolation, and a lack of empathy. In a culture increasingly characterized by Cultural Narcissism, the pursuit of self-mastery must be balanced with a focus on connection, vulnerability, and communal responsibility.
I tend to advocate a more nuanced approach to self-mastery—one that recognizes the importance of personal growth and self-discipline but also acknowledges the need for empathy, connection, and collective welfare. That sometimes requires a clash between self-compassion and self-confrontation.
If we can juggle vulnerability and self-mastery while remaining committed to our relationships and communities, we might see an uptick in personal and relational well-being. But the problem is our culture and the transcendent pressure of Cultural Narcissism. We need a better “mastery of self” meme, and I believe it is already culturally acruing under the radar.
Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.
REFERENCES:
Brown, B. (2012). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. Gotham Books.
Emerson, R. W. (1983). Self-Reliance and Other Essays. Dover Publications. (Original work published 1841)
Harvey, D. (2005). A Brief History of Neoliberalism. Oxford University Press.
Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness. Delta.
Lasch, C. (1979). The Culture of Narcissism: American Life in an Age of Diminishing Expectations. W. W. Norton & Company.
Neff, K. D. (2003). The development and validation of a scale to measure self-compassion. Self and Identity, 2(3), 223-250. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298860309027
Putnam, R. D. (2000). Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community. Simon & Schuster.
Shafran, R., & Mansell, W. (2001). Perfectionism and psychopathology: A review of research and treatment. Clinical Psychology Review, 21(6), 879-906. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0272-7358(00)00072-6
Sheldon, K. M., & Elliot, A. J. (1999). Goal striving, need satisfaction, and longitudinal well-being: The self-concordance model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 76(3), 482-497. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.76.3.482
