How depression can harm marriages: insights for couples during stressful times

Thursday, May 30, 2024.

Mental health problems can create a vicious cycle that severely damages relationships, especially during historically stressful times.

As a couples therapist, it’s essential to understand how depression affects both partners in a marriage and to use this knowledge to help couples navigate their struggles.

Research reveals that women who are depressed lose their ability to read emotions accurately, which negatively impacts their relationships.

This phenomenon, known as the loss of ‘empathic accuracy,’ causes significant strain and can lead to a cycle of increasing depression and relational distress.

How the study was conducted

A study involving 50 couples who had been together for an average of five years explored this dynamic over three weeks.

The results were telling: when a woman was depressed, she struggled more with reading her partner’s emotions. While men’s empathic accuracy remained unaffected by their depression, they became less empathic when their female partners were depressed. This mutual loss of empathy eroded the relationship, perpetuating the cycle of depression and misunderstanding.

The study’s authors noted:

"...women’s depressive symptoms are associated with poorer interpersonal perception—both their own and their partners’. This impairment is specific to negative feelings…empathic accuracy is an interpersonal mechanism that underlies the association between depressive symptoms and interpersonal stress.”

This underscores the damaging effect of women’s depression on a relationship. Women becoming less empathic strains the relationship further, causing their partners to lose empathic accuracy. Dr. Reuma Gadassi, the study’s first author, highlighted the broader impact:

"It’s called the partner effect. Women’s depression affects their own accuracy. But it also affected their partner’s accuracy."

Dr. Gadassi emphasized the importance of addressing this issue in therapy:

"...you can’t understand depression without taking account of gender. Bringing only the depressed woman into therapy is not enough. You really have to have both partners in the room."

Understanding these dynamics is crucial for couples therapists. Depression doesn’t just affect the individual but has a ripple effect that can undermine the entire relationship.

For American marriages facing historically high levels of stress, recognizing and addressing these patterns is vital. Therapy that includes both partners can help break the cycle, fostering empathy and mutual understanding and ultimately strengthening the relationship.

This research, published in Psychological Science (Gadassi et al., 2011), provides valuable insights for couples therapists aiming to support couples during these challenging times. By focusing on the interaction between partners and the specific effects of depression, therapists can develop more effective strategies to help couples heal and thrive together.

The vicious cycle of depression and empathic accuracy

Delving deeper into empathic accuracy, it’s essential to understand its role in maintaining a healthy relationship. Empathic accuracy refers to the ability to perceive and understand the emotions of one’s partner accurately. This skill is critical for effective communication and emotional support in a relationship.

When depression disrupts empathic accuracy, it sets off a chain reaction. The depressed partner’s inability to read emotions correctly leads to misunderstandings and conflicts. This, in turn, causes the non-depressed partner to feel frustrated and unsupported, diminishing their empathic responses. The result is a breakdown in mutual understanding and connection, further fueling the depressive symptoms and relational stress.

For couples therapists, addressing this cycle involves several key steps:

Recognizing the Symptoms: Early identification of depression in one or both partners is crucial. Symptoms may include persistent sadness, loss of interest in activities, changes in appetite or sleep patterns, and difficulty concentrating.

Promoting Open Communication: Encouraging partners to communicate openly about their feelings and experiences can help restore empathic accuracy. This involves active listening, validating each other’s emotions, and avoiding assumptions about the other person is feelings.

Fostering Empathy and Support: Therapists can guide couples in exercises and techniques that enhance empathy. This might include role-playing scenarios, practicing reflective listening, and creating a safe space for expressing emotions without judgment.

Couples Therapy Sessions: As Dr. Gadassi emphasized, involving both partners in therapy is essential. Couples therapy can address the interpersonal dynamics and provide tools for both partners to better understand and support each other.

Individual Therapy and Medication: In some cases, individual therapy and medication may be necessary to manage depression. Ensuring that the depressed partner receives adequate mental health care is vital for their well-being and the health of the relationship.

Implications for American marriages during stressful times

The current socio-economic climate, marked by political unrest, economic uncertainty, and public health crises, has placed immense stress on American marriages. These stressors can exacerbate mental health issues, including depression, and amplify their impact on relationships.

Couples therapists must be particularly attuned to these external pressures and their influence on relational dynamics. Providing context-specific strategies and support can help couples navigate these challenging times. Here are some additional considerations:

• Addressing External Stressors: Therapists should help couples identify and address external stressors contributing to depression and relational strain. This might involve developing coping strategies for financial stress, navigating political disagreements, or managing the impact of health crises.

• Building Resilience: Encouraging couples to build resilience through shared activities, mutual support, and community engagement can strengthen their bond. Research has shown that activities such as regular walks in nature can reduce depression and improve overall well-being.

• Creating a Support Network: Facilitating the creation of a strong support network can provide couples with additional resources and emotional support. This might include connecting them with support groups, community organizations, or family and friends who can offer assistance.

• Fostering a Growth Mindset: Helping couples adopt a growth mindset can enable them to view challenges as opportunities for growth and learning. This perspective can reduce the impact of stressors and promote a more positive outlook on their relationship.

Final thoughts

By integrating these approaches, couples therapists can provide comprehensive support that addresses both the individual and relational aspects of depression. This holistic approach can help couples break the vicious cycle of depression and empathic inaccuracy, leading to healthier, more resilient relationships.

Understanding and addressing the interplay between depression and empathic accuracy is crucial for maintaining healthy marriages, particularly during times of heightened stress.

Couples therapists play a vital role in guiding couples through these challenges, fostering empathy, and supporting mental health to build stronger, more connected relationships.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

RESEARCH:

Gadassi, R., Mor, N., & Rafaeli, E. (2011). Depression and Empathic Accuracy in Couples. Psychological Science. https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797611414728