How complex trauma leads to narcissism

Friday, June 28, 2024.

Narcissism is often misunderstood as mere self-absorption or vanity, but its roots often lie much deeper.

I regularly encounter the repercussions of narcissistic behavior in relationships, which can often be traced back to complex trauma.

In this post, we will explore the connection between complex trauma and narcissism, drawing on research and insights from thought leaders in the field.

Understanding Complex Trauma

Complex trauma refers to exposure to multiple, chronic, and prolonged traumatic events, typically of an interpersonal nature, and often occurring early in life.

Dr. Judith Herman, a pioneer in trauma studies, defines complex trauma as "child abuse, domestic violence, and other sustained forms of trauma" that fundamentally disrupt a person's sense of self and security (Herman, 1992).

Recent neuroscience research explains how a focus on safety, which arises from complex trauma, focuses the mind on safety and instant gratification. We now understand how extreme trauma impacts a child’s brain. The Limbic system is chronically stimulated by a “need” for instant pleasure, safety, and sometimes drama.

Complex trauma abbreviates the response of the cerebral cortex. When fear is triggered, cortisol is released.

In the brain, cortisol shuts down the cerebral cortex. Consequently, folks with complex trauma can be impulsive and highly reactive.

The Development of Narcissism

Narcissism, characterized by grandiosity, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy, can be understood as a defensive adaptation to complex trauma. Traumatic experiences can undermine a child's development of a stable, cohesive self, leading to the construction of a grandiose self as a protective mechanism.

Grandiosity feels so much better than annihilation.

This is why the notion of safety can become a fetish, indulging narcissistic tendencies with perfection:

Dr. Heinz Kohut, a prominent figure in psychoanalysis, introduced the concept of "narcissistic injury," suggesting that early emotional wounds can lead to the development of a narcissistic personality structure (Kohut, 1971). When a child experiences consistent neglect, abuse, or other forms of trauma, they may construct a grandiose self to protect their fragile core from further harm.

The Role of Attachment

Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby and expanded by Mary Ainsworth, provides a framework for understanding how early relationships with caregivers shape an individual's emotional and psychological development.

Secure attachment fosters a sense of safety and self-worth, while insecure attachment, often resulting from complex trauma, can lead to maladaptive coping mechanisms, including narcissism.

Dr. Peter Fonagy, a leading researcher in attachment and mentalization, argues that trauma disrupts the child's ability to mentalize—the capacity to understand oneself and others in terms of mental states. This disruption can contribute to the development of narcissistic traits as the individual struggles to form healthy relationships and maintain a stable sense of self (Fonagy et al., 2002).

The Cycle of Narcissism in Relationships

In couples therapy, understanding the origins of narcissism is crucial for addressing its impact on relationships.

Narcissistic folks often exhibit patterns of manipulation, entitlement, and lack of empathy, which can devastate their partners. These behaviors are rooted in their early experiences of trauma and insecure attachment.

Dr. Craig Malkin, a clinical psychologist and author of "Rethinking Narcissism," emphasizes that narcissism exists on a spectrum. He notes that folks with narcissistic traits may not all fit the stereotypical image of a narcissist but still struggle with deep-seated insecurities and fears stemming from their traumatic pasts (Malkin, 2015).

This makes sense, because complex trauma also occurs on a gradational continuum.

One of the problems with the blzzard of psychoeducation occuring in social media on narcissism is that it’s often informed by cultural narcissism itself. It serves narcissists to exist in a binary paradigm. But the truth is far more complicated.

Healing from Complex Trauma and Narcissism

Healing from the effects of complex trauma and narcissism is frankly quite difficult. It could take anywhere from 6 months to 10 years, according to thought leaders.

One of the reasons I discuss narcissism in depth on this blog is because of its ubiquity in couples therapy.

I believe that in science-based couples therapy, partners can help develop healthier attachment styles, increase capacity for empathy, and build a more stable sense of self. Techniques such as trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT) and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) have shown some efficacy in treating trauma-related disorders and may be included in a comprehensive treatment plan.

Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, a leading, but controversial expert on trauma, emphasizes the importance of addressing the body-mind connection in trauma recovery. In his book, "The Body Keeps the Score," he explains how trauma impacts the brain and body, and how holistic approaches can help individuals heal from their past and develop healthier relational patterns (van der Kolk, 2014).

But this approach is not without its critics.

Differences Between Bessel van der Kolk and Richard McNally's Discussions of Trauma

Numerous researchers have focused on trauma, as it is a profoundly consequential experience. Bessel van der Kolk and Richard McNally are among the most influential voices in this field.

Their perspectives offer contrasting views on the nature of trauma, its effects, and its treatment. Let’s discuss the key differences between these two prominent scholars.

Bessel van der Kolk's perspective on trauma

As I mentioned, Bessel van der Kolk, a renowned psychiatrist, is best known for his popular, but criticized book, "The Body Keeps the Score." Van der Kolk's approach emphasizes the profound and lasting impact of trauma on the body and mind. His key points include:

• Trauma and the Body: Van der Kolk argues that trauma is stored in the body, affecting an individual's physical health and nervous system. He believes that traumatic experiences can alter the brain's structure and function, leading to chronic stress and health issues.

• Somatic Therapies: He advocates for treatments that focus on the body's role in trauma, such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), yoga, and neurofeedback. These therapies aim to release the traumatic energy stored in the body and promote healing.

• Attachment and Relationships: Van der Kolk emphasizes the importance of secure attachments and healthy relationships in trauma recovery. He suggests that therapeutic relationships can help rebuild a sense of safety and trust, which are often shattered by trauma.

• Neuroscience of Trauma: His work highlights the changes in brain regions like the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex due to trauma. He underscores the importance of understanding these changes to develop effective treatments.

Richard McNally's perspective on trauma

Richard McNally, a prominent psychologist, offers a more skeptical view of some trauma concepts, particularly repressed memories. His key points include:

• Memory Accuracy: McNally is known for questioning the reliability of traumatic memories, especially those that are 'recovered' during therapy. He argues that these memories can sometimes be distorted or even fabricated, influenced by suggestive therapeutic practices.

• Scientific Rigor: McNally emphasizes the importance of scientific rigor and empirical evidence in studying trauma. He advocates for a cautious and evidence-based approach to trauma research, warning against the potential for false memories and misdiagnoses.

• Cognitive Psychology: His approach focuses on the cognitive aspects of trauma, examining how traumatic events are processed and remembered. McNally believes understanding these cognitive processes is crucial for developing effective psychological treatments.

• Resilience and Recovery: Unlike van der Kolk, who highlights the long-term impacts of trauma, McNally often discusses the resilience of humans and the potential for recovery. He stresses that not all folks exposed to traumatic events develop lasting psychological issues, highlighting the variability in trauma responses.

  Key Differences

• View on Trauma Memory: Van der Kolk believes in the deep-seated impact of trauma on memory and the body. At the same time, McNally is cautious about the reliability of traumatic memories and warns against the creation of false memories during therapy.

• Approach to Treatment: Van der Kolk advocates for body-focused and somatic therapies, emphasizing the need to address the physical manifestations of trauma. On the other hand, McNally supports cognitive-based therapies that focus on evidence-based practices and the cognitive processing of trauma.

• Scientific Emphasis: McNally prioritizes scientific rigor and empirical evidence, often critiquing practices that lack solid scientific backing. While valuing scientific research, Van der Kolk annoys some by integrating a broader range of therapeutic practices based on clinical observations and patient outcomes.

• Concept of Resilience: McNally highlights the resilience and recovery potential in trauma survivors, suggesting that many humans can overcome trauma without long-term effects. Van der Kolk, however, underscores the pervasive and often debilitating impact of trauma, necessitating comprehensive and ongoing therapeutic interventions.

The differences between Bessel van der Kolk and Richard McNally's discussions of trauma are significant. Their debate displays a widening chasm between quantum and conventional approaches.

Van der Kolk's emphasis on the body's role in storing trauma and the importance of somatic therapies contrasts with McNally's focus on the cognitive aspects of trauma and the need for scientific rigor.

Despite tremendous advances in neuroscience, we still seem to be working toward a more comprehensive consensus on complex trauma.

Final thoughts

The link between complex trauma and narcissism is a testament to the profound impact early experiences have on our psychological development.

As a couples therapist, addressing the roots of narcissistic behavior might pave the way for healing and healthier relationships.

We are still integrating insights from attachment theory, psychoanalysis, and trauma research so we can better understand and support folks struggling with the dual burdens of trauma and narcissism. I’ll be writing more about the connection between trauma and personality disorders in upcoming posts.

Be Well, Stay Kind, and Godspeed.

REFERENCES

Fonagy, P., Gergely, G., Jurist, E. L., & Target, M. (2002). Affect regulation, mentalization, and the development of the self. Other Press, LLC.

Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and recovery: The aftermath of violence—from domestic abuse to political terror. Basic Books.

Kohut, H. (1971). The analysis of the self. International Universities Press, Inc.

Malkin, C. (2015). Rethinking narcissism: The bad—and surprising good—about feeling special. HarperCollins Publishers.

van der Kolk, B. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.