Can humans be happy alone?
Friday, December 22, 2023
40% of the subjects in a German study offered that that they were quite happy living alone.
How did we get this so wrong in the “therapy culture” in the United States?
Is it well within the realm of human possibility to live alone, and not feel a nagging sense of loneliness as a result?
German social science researchers are keenly focused on the mental health dynamics of solitude. Nearly 1 in 5 Germans live alone. It is also likely that Germany, and many other countries, will see that number rise to 1 in 4 as soon as 2040.
I’m blown away that 40% of the humans in this study reported that they were happy living alone. But here’s somethings about them we need to appreciate:
Those happy humans who were happy living alone were:
Much more likely to take advantage of opportunities for regular, ongoing social contact.
They’ve chosen to live alone. It’s a lifestyle choice, and their solitude is not a forced adaptation.
How the study was conducted
The survey tracked 400 Germans who were living alone. The study subjects were 35 to 60 years old.
About 20% were in a relationship, however, they lived alone.
Mr. Philipp Kersten, the study’s first author, said:
“In research, people living alone are often compared with traditional living arrangements such as partnerships and families and are seen as a very homogeneous group that generally has a low level of well-being.
In contrast, we wanted to acknowledge the heterogeneity of this way of life and show how the model can succeed.”
The surprising results indicated that a third of these solitary humans were particularly satisfied with their lives.
These humans had a relatively deep bench of humans who cared about them. These humans keep in regular contact with family members, as well as friends and neighbors.
Another thing. I was really surprised to see that nearly 10% were also highly satisfied with their lives, despite having a much smaller social circle, as they were focused on their relationship.
The peril of a paucity of social contacts
The rest of the humans in this study had comparatively little social contact, and also had a lower level of life satisfaction.
This study showed that 1 in 4 of these subjects had a very small social circle, consisting essentially of family members.
The remaining group, including about 1 in 3 of those surveyed had a large enough social circle, but did not take advantage of it.
Mr. Kersten said:
“…we were particularly surprised that the most dissatisfied group—around a third of the study participants—did not have such a small network.
However, this is very loosely knit, resulting in few daily contacts.”
Is living alone an art?
We’re getting more and more research telling us that living alone does not necessarily condemn a human to a lonely, bereft existence.
What we realize now from this German research is that there are adaptive ways to live alone… and there are maladaptive methods as well.
Healthy habits for living alone include maintaining everyday social contacts with others and/or having one other close person.
However, a considerable number of people have access to a social circle but do not tend to make use of it, while others have little more than close family to rely on.
Mr Kersten summed up his findings with succinct, but powerful words:
“But living alone is not a sentence—the art lies in shaping social relationships.”
WILD GEESE
by Mary Oliver
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
Be well, stay kind, and Godspeed.
RESEARCH:
Does living alone mean being alone? Personal networks of solo-living adults in midlife
Philipp Kersten, Marcus Mund, and Franz J. Neyer
International Journal of Behavioral Development00:0
